holiday in late pregnancy...?

[Purplepjs]

Hi,

My OH has suggested a weekend away later in the year to spain. there is a marathon he wants to race and we would combine it with that ('we' being me, OH and DS). Problem is I would be 35 1/2 weeks pregnant. My worry is twofold;

1. I would be VERY pregnant! I have hypermesis which,though it got better during the middle part of my first pregnancy, came back in the last 10 weeks or so, and also generally feeling pretty massive, tired, headachy etc. Might not be the most fun time to travel.
2. Though giving birth at 35 weeks is unlikely, I feel like the consequences would be pretty much a nightmare. My understanding is i'd need to stay in spain for long enough to organise a passport for the new baby? And for the baby to be old enough to fly (i've heard around 4-6 weeks?). Plus my OH would have to return to England as our DS would be due at school. Just not sure I'd want to cope with weeks on my own with a newborn, in a country I don't know, having just given birth etc etc. I know this in unlikely, and I'm generally fairly chilled about these sort of things (we've done lots of backpacking with our son since he was very small etc), but I'm just not sure the risk is worth it.

OH is frustrated as he thinks it sounds a lovely weekend, and obviously really wants to do the race. I've told him I'm very happy for him to go solo to race, but he'd like all of us to go together. Am I being a bit precious/OTT, or would you stay closer to home at that stage of pregnancy?

Thanks for reading!

I personally would stay at home but my opinion is clouded by having my DS unexpectedly at 31 weeks...

I would say if you are worried, then stay closer to home. I think you need a drs letter to fly at that stage anyway so maybe have a chat at the same time to guage the risk?

What is the safe flying advice today when pregnant, I’m sure some airlines and places (including insurance) won't let you travel if you are so many weeks, can you go any sooner? If not stay at home

You are totally NBU. Was just checking this earlier - end of week 35 is cut off for most airlines (EasyJet etc).

Not travelling by plane for a few months either side of the birth is hardly a lot to ask.

He sounds either a bit stupid/hasn't thought this through, or rather bloody selfish if it's all about a race. Are there no races he could do in this country, and do this one next year?!

He sounds like a thoughtless, selfish knob. No YANBU, he is.

You would probably find it very hard to get travel insurance cover for that stage of pg so would be relying on ehic for your medical care, to which you nay need to contribute, and incur costs of accommodation etc for extending your stay.

I went on holiday to France at 32 weeks and did a UK mini break at 37 weeks, both were fine. BA lets you fly up to 36 weeks so as long as you won’t be over that when boarding your return flight you can go. But I absolutely don’t blame you for not wanting to. Being that pregnant away from home and looking after an older child whilst your OH rubs in a marathon sounds shit, I definitely wouldn’t do it.

Your husband is being a selfish idiot. Travelling so late in a pregnancy, especially to another country, is a foolish and totally irresponsible idea. I'm sure your doctor would agree.

YANBU at all.
I know plenty of people who’ve gave birth early so there’s definitely a chance at 35wks and there’s no way I would risk it, thankfully DP would have felt the same.

I can't see his problem. You've been generous enough to send him off on his own with your blessing - that's pretty rare round these parts.

@Justmuddlingalong
I totally agree with you!

Why on earth would anyone think this is a good idea?

If he wants to be a teenager doing his boy things he needs to be doing it alone and preferably taking time out to think and grow up before the baby comes! He sounds selfish and childish and unrealistic about the whole thing.

Did he book this before or after you were pregnant? If before he's a twat, if after he's a twat and if it's not officially booked out your foot down and don't go and encourage him to stay with you at home and face up to his responsibilities.

The cut-off for flying is normally 36 weeks (for a normal singleton pregnancy) based on WHO guidelines. There's no wriggle room at 35.5 weeks if you get delayed for any reason.

Wouid you be OK with him going for his race? And have a weekend together some other time.

Or perhaps you could enter him in a different Marathon at a time or place that works better? If you say which month he expects to be marathon fit, perhaps the runners on MN could suggest some good alternatives

I really don't think you should risk going away at 35 weeks. I ended up in hospital with complications at 35 weeks, but had the baby at 37 weeks. You just never know what's going to happen in your pregnancy. The DH is being ridiculous and as you suggested to him, he should just go alone.

see if you can get insurance and fit to fly. that should solve it!

With DC2 we flew, returning at 28 weeks, that was reasonable. With DC3, I was banned from flying at 21 weeks due to complications and discovered I should also have been banned with DC2!

It’s a really bad idea.

Friends went to France when she was 35 weeks - no health issues, easy pregnancy, so they were happy doing it - then she randomly went into early labour, had the child there and then were stuck in France for 5 weeks before they could come home.

She did childbirth, and trying to learn how to breastfeed and care for a baby, and deal with her son’s medical needs etc all in a language she didn’t speak that well. At one point my mum (who is fluent but had never met her) was doing most of the translating.

Total nightmare and really made life harder than it needed to be.

I wouldn’t. But, like you OP, i’d be happy for him to go alone. But you’ll get lots of posters telling you to LTB because he does something that isn’t strictly necessary for family life.

You can't fly from end of 35th week, need a fitness to fly letter from your doctor from 28th week plus your maternity notes. Most Drs charge for the letter, ours charges £60.

He is very unreasonable

please don't go...I went abroad at 25 weeks ended up in hospital over there for all of my holiday!

Don't do it! You never know what could happen towards the end of pregnancy. We had a weekend away booked to Copenhagen for when I was 32 weeks (booked pre-pregnancy). My consultant told me in no uncertain terms that I had to cancel it, I'm glad she did as DS was born a few days after we would have got back at 33+3.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is coming from a struggling 36 wk preggo. But for all I know you might still have a perfect size 8 figure and a nice neat little bump and no swollen body parts at that point! I personally could not think of anything worse at this point. But every pregnancy is different.

Also are you even allowed to fly then? xx

Thanks for all the responses. We can get insurance and airline would let me fly with a fit to fly letter. But I think I’ll trust my instincts and not go.

FWIW my OH is not being at all selfish, just trying to do a nice thing. He is semi-pro racer and we travel all over the world with his racing. It’s a lovely part of our family life and we have many friends there I hang out with at races. The race is definitely not any part of the issue, just whether I want to go to this one or give it a miss.

Thanks again, your opinions were helpful.

Trust your instincts op. Good luck with your pregnacy xx

Would he not be worried about missing the birth, should you have the baby early?

No. I delivered at 35 weeks with zero risk factors for preterm labour and a textbook pregnancy! You just don’t know.