Aibu to think that receiving unsolicited advice is pretty normal for mothers?

[dolorsit]

There's an article on the BBC where a gay father is discussing the everyday sexism he gets for being a sahd.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-44718727
(sorry don't know how to do clicky links)

I agree that some of the stuff is sexist (and possibly homaphobic) eg naming everything for "mums and babies" which may be regional as in my northern town it was rare 10 years ago.

However I was struck by his description of what happened in baby massage class when his baby wouldn't stop crying. He was hoping for support but instead got a list of questions and an offer to hold the baby. He found this condescending but I thought it sounded pretty standard. I've had a similar experience and from the questions asked was shown how to rub my baby's tummy in case she was constipated and of course she stopped screaming as soon as someone else held her.

I've had unsolicited advice from all directions and I suspect that younger mums get it even more.

Totally agree!!! This article made me so angry. I get loads of unsolicited advice as a woman, it’s just part of society caring for children! Even though it’s often annoying. Not st all sexist/homophobic (there were about two blatant examples but that’s it). And calling the health visitors homophobic for showing an ounce of surprise that there were two dads/surrogacy - well god forbid!! Wasn’t that long ago being gay was illegal and then highly disapproved of - men living then had to cope with far more if they were gay! This guy needs to get over himself, it really doesn’t matter if someone is surprised about their family set up - as long as they are good parents which there is no reason to believe they aren’t. Absolutely ridiculous article basically about nothing - the minutiae of everyday parenting!!!

I read that article and thought exactly the same as you op.
There were a few examples of homophobia but the comments about parenting are not limited to just him. The obvious one was where another parent offered to hold his child as she wouldn't stop crying. The parent was trying to be helpful and supportive.

The interesting (and very male) thing is his protestations that he knows exactly what he's doing despite the fact that he was unable to comfort his baby. Most women ask other mothers for advice - this website wouldn't exist if we didn't!

But because he's a man, he knows exactly what he's doing

Aw bless him the Reality of parenting hits hard doesn’t it.

He will learn.

Women are public property as objects to fuck, breeders & childcare givers. He's just getting a taste of that.

The homophobic stuff is a separate issue.

I find the waitresses comments hard to believe I expect she was joking and they took it seriously

I was INFURIATED by this article. I am still angry now 5 hours after reading it!

And in my (admittedly limited to one) experience of health visitors, they are professionally judgemental. When our HV came over for the first time when my baby was 5 days old, she spent two hours giving me a very long lecture and left me with a gigantic pile of leaflets. That is her job.