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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...or is DH, re "destructive" vs "creative" playground behaviour?

20 replies

backformore · 11/07/2018 01:19

Went with 6yo DD to playground to see a friend and her 6yo DS; my DH came along with our baby DS (the plan was that they'd peel off if baby needed walking around so we mums could catch up - we hadn't seen each other in ages).

Someone had left an old plastic playhouse in the playground - as local families often do here with unwanted trikes, etc - and my DD and friend's DS were very keen on taking it apart and turning it in to something new. There was another little boy there who was very insistent that they not do this; my DH firmly instructed DD not to overturn/disrupt the playhouse, though friend's little boy kept trying to push it over on its side.

The other child eventually left, and DD and friend's son came to us mums to ask if they could now take the house apart (they wanted to turn it upside down and be "cats" using the door as a cat-flap). Seeing this as a chance for them to be creative, we said yes - since it could be rebuilt, and no one else was playing with it.

DH didn't hear us give permission, and told DD off very sternly. I explained our reasoning, but he was unconvinced. He had to leave soon after (as was the plan) with the baby. The kids moved on to some other part of the playground, and that was that (the house was ultimately left in tact).

Back home now, and DH is still in a mood about what he feels was wantonly destructive behaviour, and can't believe that we'd condone it. I'm thinking he's missing our reasoning about letting kids experiment and play creatively, as long as they're not affecting other children or other kids' possessions. What think the MN jury?

OP posts:
paxillin · 11/07/2018 01:25

Would it have been broken after taking it apart? If so, I would have stopped it, too. It wasn't left to be totalled and could be used by lots of kids rather than just yours and then landfill. If it could be reassembled, fine.

Dieu · 11/07/2018 01:28

I'm with your husband. And your friend's son shouldn't have been trying to push the playhouse over while another child wanted to play with it in the normal way.
Creative is all well and good at home, when it's our own belongings we're messing with.
I'm quite conformist though, so others may disagree!

Squidgee · 11/07/2018 01:29

i'm with your DH, just because someone left it there doesn't mean its ok to destroy it.

Get them a cardboard box if they want to wreck something.

Birdsgottafly · 11/07/2018 01:31

Because there was another child there wanting to play with it, as intended, I think it should have been a "No".

There are times when creative play doesn't trump using things properly.

backformore · 11/07/2018 01:43

Nope, it wasn't getting broken - was easily reassembled. And we reiterated that they couldn't take it apart as long as another child wanted to play with it.

I'm also generally quite conformist, but friend is an early years teacher and very pro creative thinking/experimentation/risk-taking etc...

OP posts:
Monty27 · 11/07/2018 01:51

I am with DH. It was left there very kindly for children to share. Who's going to reassemble it? You?

Homebird8 · 11/07/2018 01:53

Once the other child was no longer there I’d have let them play with it their way. However, I wouldn’t have left until it was put back the way it was to begin with.

backformore · 11/07/2018 01:53

Yes, we had the kids reassemble it.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 11/07/2018 01:57

""but friend is an early years teacher and very pro creative thinking/experimentation/risk-taking etc""

Just because she's a Teacher doesn't mean that she is right in her approach to every situation.

There are times when you have to conform and go with what's best for the greater good and respect what is around you. Tbh, I think that's lacking more today, than it has ever been. A bit of making do and getting on with it, is needed to counter-act the "I can do/get what I want" messages given out.

Where you going to reassemble it before you left?

I've got nerve damage in my hands, if I turned up after you, with my GC, I wouldn't be able to reassemble it.

Birdsgottafly · 11/07/2018 01:59

X post.

Does your DH not like the creative/risk taking mentality?

backformore · 11/07/2018 01:59

We had the kids reassemble it.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/07/2018 02:01

I think maybe your DH didn''t understand that it could be put back together again afterwards and that's why he's in a mood.
I'm against wanton destruction as well - but when it's something that can easily be rebuilt, and no one else is wanting it left the way it was (which they weren't once the other little boy had left) then yes, go wild on the creative front!

It's good that you stopped them over-riding the first little boy, that was the right thing to do - but your DH should have paid more attention to your reasoning re. your DD and your friend's DS doing what they wanted to once they were left alone with the playhouse.

backformore · 11/07/2018 02:01

"Does your DH not like the creative/risk taking mentality?"

I wouldn't generalise that far, but he clearly saw zero value in what the children were trying to do, whereas I think there was probably some value in it (but not sure now, hence aibu!)

OP posts:
backformore · 11/07/2018 02:04

"I'm against wanton destruction as well - but when it's something that can easily be rebuilt, and no one else is wanting it left the way it was (which they weren't once the other little boy had left) then yes, go wild on the creative front!"

Yes - I think DH doesn't see the reasoning of that second part. He was just totally offended at the sight of kids taking something apart, which in the circumstances I think was an overreaction and a bit precious.

OP posts:
Copperbonnet · 11/07/2018 02:06

I’m with your DH. Creative play with your own toys is one thing. Teaching your children to take apart shared things is entirely different.

Monty27 · 11/07/2018 02:20

At least it's all been put back op but maybe your DH read stuff the wrong way.

Birdsgottafly · 11/07/2018 02:32

I think creativity can be taken too far and it isn't useful unless the child can examine the consequence, for others, in their actions. Or be taught to stem it back when out. Otherwise it does turn into wanton destruction.

It sounds as though your Friend should have stepped in when her Son was continuing when another child objected.

backformore · 11/07/2018 02:35

"It sounds as though your Friend should have stepped in when her Son was continuing when another child objected."

She did - it was only when the other child left that the kids asked if they could turn it over, and we figured it seemed safe to do so.

OP posts:
Zommum · 11/07/2018 02:41

As you said they weren't destroying it, I think it was fine. What a fantastic opportunity to be creative and use their imaginations.

BradleyPooper · 11/07/2018 02:57

Destruction is creation.

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