AIBU to be mad at the school?

[Toolonguntilthenextholiday]

We spent the weekend by the coast and DD got some bad mosquito bites in spite of applying maximum strength insect repellent. The bites on her ankle swell up and I have of course treated them, but they usually take a few days to get better and it’s best to be careful to prevent infection. I didn’t think it was a good idea to do PE with her trainers and thick hockey type socks rubbing against the sore ankle and therefore I sent a note to the teacher and asked if DD could please be excused, as I know from experience that we ought to be careful to prevent infection and she could not wear any trainers. Her summer school shoes are ballet style shoes and don’t cause a problem with thin cotton socks.

The teacher ignored my very clear request, told DD to put her trainers on and she came home with a very sore and swollen ankle and weeping bites. We are now on antibiotic cream, cold compresses etc and she is not getting into any shoes. But she is frightened of the school and the teacher and therefore is pleading with me not to speak to them about this.

AIBU to ignore this and send pictures of DD’s foot to the school and demand an explanation why they have ignored my note (which has been received and retained by the teacher)?

I'd be quite annoyed. You are her parent and you wrote down your wishes and they were ignored. The teacher doesn't have the right to do that IMO. Maybe have a word and express your disappointment and make it clear you expect this never to happen again, regardless of what it is about.

I do think they cannot override my decision or can they?

I think you really need to follow this up with the school. As a former teacher I can't see any sensible reason why they would ignore your wishes.

I would say they were BU. They ignored your request. I would say something.

I don’t get it either. I explained the situation very clearly and the swelling on the ankle was very visible too. I am furious. DD is in pain and at the same time feeling guilty and defending the teacher, because she fears repercussions.

Why is your dd frightened? That doesn't seem right. I'd want to get to the bottom of that personally.

DD is under 18 if this matters. She’s in Year 9.

She was reacting very strongly and is pleading with me not to speak to the school about it.

I would.
My dd's PE teacher removed her tubigrip and sling and made her play netball.
We had to go back, again, to the hospital the next day.
I was furious.

Did the teacher definitely get the note?

Your DD’s reaction seems to suggest perhaps she didn’t hand it over and doesn’t want you to find out by asking the school about it!

Yep address email to the head of year

I too wondered if DD gave the note to the teacher given your explanation of her reaction.

If she did, the teacher needs to explain why she is ignoring parents notes concerning their child's health. An email asking for an explanation of why your DD did PE when you had written a note is in order.

I bet you ten billion pounds DD chose to do PE

No, she’s not keen on PE and swears the handed the note over.

I don't get why DD is "feeling guilty and defending the teacher, because she fears repercussions". What repercussions? I find this a bit worrying if I'm honest, especially if DD handed the note over.

I’m worried too and she is extremely fearful of the school. The teachers try and bully her into all sorts of things that are completely unacceptable.

I keep fixing and sorting things out quite a lot.

If the teacher got the note then they are wrong to have made her do pe. And if your dd is that scared I'd be very worried about why. You need to follow this up.

My pe teacher at school didn't even need a note if you were injured. Just say what the injury is and they accepted it.

They were very unreasonable and I would complain too.

Before you go in all guns blazing , I'd start by asking if the teacher received the note . If they did , then you can let rip. My DD suffers terribly from mozzie bites so I can sympathise.

I'd be very surprised if school ignored the note. I think oils check if they reviewed it first and not that your DD felt silly giving them the note.

• check if they received it

@Toolonguntilthenextholiday

I’m worried too and she is extremely fearful of the school. The teachers try and bully her into all sorts of things that are completely unacceptable."

You should also be concerned about this.
A school should definitely not be bullying her and you should not be sorting out other things. How are they bullying?

The PE thing is just the tip, your daughter should not be fearful school. Perhaps you should move schools for September.

Thank you all - I sent a firm email reminding the school of their duty of care ‘in loco parentis’ as they like to say on such occasion - even if this is the only little piece of Latin that they can just about manage and like to show off - and that the teacher does not have any authority to overrule my requests in particular regarding the health and wellbeing of my child. I attached pictures of the state of her foot too. I am livid. I spent the best part of the evening trying to cool it down, getting advice, purchasing more ointments etc and helping DD. All because some teacher thought they knew better as usual. An ‘old-school’ teacher apparently who tries to impose some sort of military drill.
I don’t get it why parents are being treated like idiots by schools - I am not English and even after all these years in the U.K. this still continues to frustrate and anger me. A simple polite request - but apparently they can just ignore me!

DD has not been at thes school for long - I moved her from another school due to racial bullying which apparently could not be dealt with by the school and it was just too much. There is not too much of that in this school and she has nice friends. Other than that, the teachers are quite unhinged apparently.

DD was very consistent in telling me and her dad exactly the same version of events that she handed the note over and also regarding the comments from the teacher when they read the note.

When she is on her period and occasionally has period pains and I send a note, she begs me to write anything else but period pains, as some teachers read parents’ notes out to the class!