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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DH's ex to tell us when DSD has head lice?

64 replies

Emprexia · 27/05/2007 19:22

This is an on-going arguement and i'm after some input.

Twice before we've gone to pick up my step-daughter from her mothers and have found out roughly 3 or 4 hours later, that my SD has head-lice!!!

As far as i'm concerned, i feel that its ex's responsibility to tell us that she has them, bearing in mind i have waist-length hair, and not just that, i feel we shouldn't be picking her up until ex has de-loused her!!

DH doesn't agree, as i don't necessarily come into close enough contact with SD unless we're both at the computer for them to transfer - he doesn't think it should matter, and as it happens, i've never gotten them after a visit, but i don't think thats the point.

AIBU??

OP posts:

SofiaAmes · 27/05/2007 21:35

Kaishay, I know it shouldn't be her problem, but maybe you could suggest that the sd comb her sisters' hair everyday for 2 weeks and then continue to check once a week and then she will get rid of the infestation and not catch them herself. Poor thing. How awful at that age.

juuule · 27/05/2007 21:43

The combing would work if you lived in isolation. Unfortunately, if your children play with others at home or school then there is the risk of picking them up again (possibly every day). If you miss one that is about to lay then you are back almost to square one again, so it's not a case of combing every night for 2 weeks and then once a week thereafter. It's more of an ongoing thing. Tedious and time-consuming with one child, a nightmare with more than one or two children. With more than one child, then the risk of re-infestation increases with each child due to the fact they will be in contact with more children.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 27/05/2007 21:45

Hmm I don't know, (touch wood) my kids ahven't had nits for at least 18 months now.

They went through a phase of having them all the time.

I think it's very much dependent on their classmates.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 27/05/2007 21:46

I used one of those insecticides on them the first time, but then realised that if lice were going to be an ongoing fact of life, I really didn't want to be putting chemicals and insecticides on their heads all the time

juuule · 27/05/2007 21:49

I think there are a few factors for picking them up. I agree that it's part dependant on their friends. How susceptible they are to headlice. How close they get to their friends (some young children seem to get head to head very frequently while others need a bit more personal space).

juuule · 27/05/2007 21:52

Those chemical? insecticides are not a good idea to put on children and considering they don't seem to work anyway I can't see the point of them. So getting rid of lice an alternative way is better anyway,Squirrel.

SofiaAmes · 27/05/2007 23:16

juule, I agree, it's tedious and time consuming, but in my opinion it should and has to be done. And I disagree that if you miss one you are back to square one. If you are very diligent about your checking you shouldn't be back to square one. And there are other things that you can do in conjunctio with the combing and checking, like always always sending your girls out with hair in plaits and keeping the boys' hair short. In addition it pays to remind children not to share brushes and hats. And constant reminders do payoff...my dd is fairly good about this already at 4.
Sometime teachers need reminding too. One time when ds was in nursery in the uk, a note went home that there had been nits in the class. I made a point of checking his hair a little more often than usual. And ended up finding a few eggs a week or so later (really difficult because his hair was so light and wispy at that age). I started my combing routine and went to tell the teacher the next day. Before I had a chance to say anything, ds (3 at the time) put on a fireman's hat and said mummy, look what we're doing in class this week. I then had to explain to the teacher that if there was a known case of nits in the class, that perhaps have a unit that involved all the kids in the class trying on different workmen's hats one after another might not be the best thing to do!! Her excuse was that the nits were in the morning group, not ds' group, but then didn't disagree when I pointed out that they had also been trying on the same hats and that that was probably where ds had got them from. Luckily I caught it early and no one else in the family got them. And the teacher gave up hat trading for a few weeks.

edam · 28/05/2007 10:29

About Hedrin here - it's not an insecticide. www.thorntonross.com/hedrin. It's approved by the Department of Health. Nit treatments got a bad name as the insecticides that were used on us when we were kids were pretty nasty stuff - organophosphates IIRC. Until Hedrin came on the market, the advice was to use conditioner and a nit comb. That advice has now been updated and says Hedrin is a good treatment.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 28/05/2007 10:31

Oh good, I'm all for anything less time-consuming than nit combing

Anna8888 · 28/05/2007 10:42

You are quite right.

Does your step-daughter's mother take good care of her daughter in other ways, or is the headlice problem symptomatic of other care issues?

AllThreeWays · 28/05/2007 12:07

I always use half a cup of cheap conditioner with a teaspoon of tea tree oil in it (pref water misable) mix throughly, leave on hair for 20 minutes, then do the comb through with the nit comb. The addition of tea tree kills the eggs. I find this way you don't need to repeat the process unless the child is reinfected by subsequent contact.
Also , nits stay on the hair and lice can't survive off the body, so you only need to wash bedding that has been used very, very recently and hats and combs. The only way for reinfection, is by hair to hair contact.

Original poster

Emprexia · 28/05/2007 16:49

Anna, to be honest its just one of several problems regarding DH's ex, but it one of my main bug-bears because i have some ASD related sensory issues with bugs of any kind.

The way she goes on you'd have thought DH was the one who had the affair and left her, which it wasn't.

I arrived on the scene 6 years after she left him for someone else, and was his first attempt at a proper relationship, and in all the time i've known DH, she's never passed on school letters, invited him to parents evenings or even told us when SD was sick, despite her coming to us every week.

They're moving to Ireland (her home country) next month and we've only found out about that because SD told us, we get the impression we weren't supposed to be told about it!!

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 29/05/2007 07:06

Kaishay - that's tough, for you and for your stepdaughter.

I have two stepsons. My partner and I often think that they are not as well cared for as they ought to be by their mother (leaving us to sort things out and pick up the pieces), though I would be surprised if it ever got as far as them coming to see us with head lice. Basically, we try to educate them as kindly as possible into the benefits of being a clean, polite, hard-working person. It's not always easy.

isheisnthe · 29/05/2007 07:23

my ESD's constantly came round with nits - and I constantly de-nitted them. no excuse as EW was a hair dresser andI think she used to do it knowing that I would de-nit them and she couldnt be arsed

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