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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to give up my secure, part-time job in mid 40s to restore mental health and explore new horizons

11 replies

Meadsweet · 10/07/2018 13:34

In brief (or as it turned out by the time I finished writing, not very brief at all!): I've been with my current employer for over a decade, started my job full-time as a single woman in my mid 30s, and am still there, now, in my mid 40s, married with two young, primary school age children, though now working part-time (21 hours/week).

The last few years have been tough for our family - challenges to our mental health and happiness have included the premature death of a close family member, a miscarriage, I think I probably had undiagnosed PND after my second child and since then have suffered periods of severe anxiety and I live with ongoing anxiety (amongst other things, I'm hypersensitive to noise as a result), while OH has suffered periods of depressions (still sometimes an issue but he is managing it through medication) and has been through periods of unemployment.

I've continued with the same employer throughout the time we've been together, while OH has held about half a dozen different jobs. As a result I feel that I've provided some security for our family through the really tough times, even though I've worked part-time since having the children (gradually reduced to 3 days over time). I really struggle with concentration and motivation at work, and I live with the feeling of constantly being found out that I'm not very good at it. I would happily walk away from it.

Even with my part-time working pattern, it feels to me like I just can't manage to balance working life and family life and domestic admin / house maintenance satisfactorily, without getting really stressed. Every now and then something happens to make me realise quite how stressed and anxious I am most of the time, and how I've almost accepted this as the norm. I drink a bit more than I should to relax, have a tendency to overeat due to stress, and haven't done any exercise in a long time, all of which is not a good recipe for longer term health in your mid 40s. Something needs to change.

OH has now been in his current full-time job for over 18 months - he doesn't love it but it ticks a number of boxes (and I don't think he's loved any job that he has done in the time we've been together). So he is back on a stable career track, though his depression does still cause him difficulties sometimes.

I really feel that I need to take a break from work. I'm mentally exhausted, and as much as anything, just want to have some quiet time to potter, put the house and garden in order, pick up some creative projects, spend more time with both my children and my parents while I can. I also have a business idea I'd like a chance to explore, which I don't currently have the headspace or time to even think about except in the most abstract and tentative way.

I don't think I can expect any further flexibility from my employer, but I've raised the possibility of a sabbatical with my manager, who has said they will look into it. But I'm getting close to thinking that if they won't agree to the sabbatical, I might consider resigning and taking the risk.

Surviving on a single salary would be tough, but I've budgeted carefully and think we could just about manage for a year or two. I would really like the opportunity to take a break from the stress of balancing work and family life, to get some good exercise habits in place, to spend more time with the children, to be less of a stress monster, and to finally get to put some time and energy into exploring this business idea I've been tossing around in my head for a few years.

But (1) I'm concerned about the risk of giving up a flexible, part-time secure job complete with a good pension scheme, especially at my age, and (2) I'm worried about the extra pressure this will put on OH, even though he is supportive of the sabbatical plan (possibly less so if I wanted to resign altogether).

Has anyone else taken the leap to leave a good job in their 40s? How did it work out? Do you have regrets?

I'm struggling with this, so would love to hear from anyone else who has experience of this or who has considered it.

Thank you!

OP posts:
motortroll · 10/07/2018 13:53

I could have written this apart from a few different events. I work 3 days as a teacher and I hate it. I love being a teacher but I'm really unhappy working. I need some time out from thinking and preparing.

My husband has increased his salary a great deal and is happy with flexi working hours but I still earn a fair amount so it would be a huge hit even still but mainly because we've got used to having money!

We're planning to move in next 2 years so I'm here for that duration but once thats donee I'm hoping to find a way out. My youngest will still be in primary, I will happily work but I'm so crap at doing what I do I need something different...,which will definitely be lower pay!!

Anyway if you can afford it do it! Even if it's short term there's nothing wrong with recharging your batteries. It would obviously help if your husband is on board with your decision!

bibliomania · 10/07/2018 14:17

How in demand are your skills and what are the local employment opportunities?

I'd be hesitating in your shoes. It's not that I think we should all grimly plug away at something we hate, but this doesn't sound like something you hate.

Honestly, the first change I would make would be to introduce some exercise into your routine. I can't see that working 21 hours a week is the only thing stopping you from doing it. Try this first - you might find that it energises and de-stresses you. Give it 6 months, and revisit this decision then.

Meadsweet · 10/07/2018 15:19

Thanks for your replies, motortroll and bibliomania. Motortroll, I'm sorry to hear you are hating your working life currently. Like you, I think, and as bibliomania suggests, I don't hate my job exactly, but I don't like the current situation of feeling like I'm juggling too many balls, and not doing a particularly good job of anything. I don't think my children are getting the best version of me, and I certainly don't think work is getting the best version of me. And well right now, I'm not at breaking point, sometimes I feel like I'm getting close to being overwhelmed by it all.

I suspect you're right, bibliomania, that working some exercise into my life would be beneficial. Currently there is little slack in my timetable as I work my hours over four days so I don't have to put them into after school clubs everyday, and I have my youngest child at home on the fifth day, but both OH and I need to try harder on this front. I suspect exercise will help, but nothing is going to free up time apart from allowing one of the balls to drop, which would have to be the work ball.

The ideal scenario would be that I get a sabbatical approved, which would allow me to take a breather and take stock, without throwing away my safety net. Perhaps I should steel myself to be patient and see how that unfolds before making any decisions.

But at the same time, life is short and sometimes shorter than anticipated, and while my job is okay, I don't want to think that I never took the risk to try something I might really get excited about.

In the meantime, I'll dig out the swimming costume and running shoes...

OP posts:
Meadsweet · 10/07/2018 15:22

Motortroll, I'm sure you're not really crap at what you do, and like me, you probably undersell and undervalue yourself in the workplace. But if it all feels like it's really not stacking up to make you happy and the situation is undermining your confidence, then it's good to know you have a plan to make a change, even if it is a little way down the line. Hang on in there!

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 10/07/2018 15:33

Hi @Meadsweet I've done something similar. Been in a profession for over two decades, hit early forties and had a bad few years with close bereavements and other stresses.

I decided to leave my employment and take a breather about what to do next. It was absolutely the right decision for me. Friends from my old employment have commented that I seem much happier - that my face looks lighter etc.

I have used a coach in the last six months and that has been a godsend. They've helped enormously in refreshing my thinking and am in a much better headspace now. The coach has also helped me from going backwards... a couple of times I've looked at jobs and thought - yes I'll do that. But with reflection have realised it was "any port in a storm" thinking and not actually me moving forward with my life.

Financially - we have been able to manage and I'm now heading back into earning (albeit unlikely to be at the level when previously employed). But I feel like the old me is back and I'm excited about what comes next

Good luck if you go for it!

bibliomania · 10/07/2018 15:35

Yes, a sabbatical seems like a good compromise. I agree with waiting for that outcome before you rush into anything.

Can you get up 45 minutes earlier and start doing couch to 5k or something? Now is the time to do it, when mornings are bright (not as a new year's resolution in January, when it's bloody impossible)

Meadsweet · 10/07/2018 21:34

Hello @myrtleWilson, and thank you so much for your reply. It was very heartening to hear from someone who has left a profession they have been in for some time, at a similar age, and hasn't has too many regrets from the sound of it. And if affordable, I like the idea of a coach to support the journey / exploration process of what comes next. I'm a bit worried that after 14 years in the same industry, and over a decade with my current employer who is a world-recognised brand, I'll struggle with loss of identity if I leave, but then makes me think perhaps I've become too institutionalised and overly dependent on work for my identity, and all the more reason to take a breather and remind myself who I am if not "so-and-so at Company X" and beyond being my children's mum. Thanks again, and good luck with whatever is coming next!

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 10/07/2018 21:50

Blimey Meadsweet its like meeting myself! My reputation/identity felt very wrapped up with my previous role too. We had a very amicable "split" but I had to go through a process of, to quote Gwyneth Paltrow, "conscious uncoupling" Grin Grin as in the first few months I experienced little internal responses to seeing what my former employer was (or wasn't doing) in my area of expertise.... ("why oh why are they doing that/not doing this....!!!)

My coach has been amazing. I was focused on the wrong things - like how to reposition myself, how could I cope with an interview, what if I'm actually rubbish at anything else other than what I've left behind...

My coach got me thinking in a different way - what do I enjoy, what are my 'values', what drives me (and any answer was legitimate). They made me really unpick and unpack myself (in a supportive way) and I came to the conclusion that I was stuck in "turning right at a junction" when I hadn't explored what "turning left" may look like (no political inferences in that analogy - I promise).

I can't predict the future, but I know that - my mental health and wellbeing is better for the break, I'm energised and finding a new string to my bow, and with regards to former employer - I'm still very appreciative and fond of them - much better (for me) than getting more stressed and risking souring a very positive employer/employee relationship.

But ultimately, thats just my experience. Your route may well be better served by the sabbatical, or by changing lifestyle to reduce pressure on you. Frankly, a lot will depend on your personal circumstances (financial, relationships etc) I am incredibly grateful that I was fortunate that we had a £ buffer and my DH was supportive of my need to change things. It sounds like you have that infrastructure too so I hope that whatever decision you make feels right and positive for you.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 10/07/2018 21:54

OP

Would you consider a trial health kick to start with ? Your diet , drinking and exercise ? Taking some major steps to address them could really help with a lot . I speak from personal experience . Seriously I am a different woman since January . And have realised much of my stress is hormonal

It’s a major step to leave work so would you try a diary . And really focusing on the the health related issues . If no change then at least you tried ?

Just an idea

Semster · 10/07/2018 22:26

I left a part-time secure-but-driving-me-insane job in my mid-40s and it was the best possible thing I could have done for my mental and physical health.

After about a year off I ended up going freelance and I'm now (after about three years) back to bringing in almost as much as I did when I was in my part-time job. I really enjoy what I do now, I choose my hours, have much more flexibility with things like holidays, and I feel like I have a future I actually look forward to.

It does require that DH keeps bringing in a regular salary to pay the regular bills. It also means that I'm better able to be there for my family and look after myself. When my kids leave home I plan to set up my own agency, hire people to work for me, and I will use my skills to educate others, write books, and pick and choose what I do a bit more.

CoatsDoRoam · 10/07/2018 22:40

I'd echo what others say. Start to make some changes wrt diet and exercise.

For me this meant Couch to 5k. Never run before but wow what a buzz.

Secondly I cut out alcohol. I don't think I'll ever go back now.

I'm no health zealot honestly but those 2 things increased my energy, saved me money and gave me some much needed clear thinking time.

Good luck.

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