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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help - homeless application/ unsuitable property

21 replies

Fourforksakes · 10/07/2018 00:05

Hi,

Wasn't sure where to post this. My 4 Dc and me were made homeless by our private landlord at the end of 2016 as he wanted to sell. Since then, we have been in temporary accommodation, and placed on the home choice scheme, that allows us to bid for places.

Last month I was very unwell in hospital, but my eldest daughter saw a property that she thought was near to the schools etc so bidded on my behalf I didn't even know she had done this till last week, when I found out I googled the address and saw that it is the road that my ex's best friend lives on, it was where he moved to when we broke up (due to his violence) back in 2010. I know he has also stayed there at various other times when he has been between places to live (he works abroad a lot of the time so often sofa surfs when back over here. I cut off all contact with my ex as advised when we split up due to his drug taking, drinking and violence. We are now at the stage where he contact/ see the kids once in a blue moon, but I have had no further contact with him and I have kept my address a secret from him.

Anyway, this morning I got call to say I was now being offered the property as others have turned it down. I explained to the housing officer what had happened with the bidding, and about how I am really scared my ex is now going to find my address because of all this. She said she was sorry it wasn't ideal, but that there was pretty much nothing I can do about it - because we are classed as homeless, it is one offer only and that if I turn it down we will be intentionally homeless, and they will no longer help or house.

Can anyone help? I suffer from depression and anxiety, and my mind just won't settle, I actually feel sick. It's only a small road and his friend lives right on the corner, he is bound to see us and I just can't stand the thought of him potentially starting to harass me/ us again. I feel like I protected my kids from him by getting them away and that I am now letting them down so badly as I have no say in this, but the chances of us finding somewhere else are tiny, I looked everywhere and nothing came up at all that I could afford

Sorry for any typos, doing this on my phone.

OP posts:

Foslady · 10/07/2018 00:14

Who advised you to break contact - was it an official body that could intervine on your behalf?

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/07/2018 00:19

Contact social services see if they will support you.

KC225 · 10/07/2018 00:30

But you can prove you were ill in hospital when the application was made without your knowledge. Can you not persue this angle?

Lostbeyondwords · 10/07/2018 00:33

The housing officer is correct (on most boroughs), however, you can appeal that at the time the bid was made it was not known about the connection to your ex and so because of that it would be dangerous for your family to move there.

But that will depend on whether or not the violence and threat from your ex was documented at the time. If you can get them to talk to the police they should be able to verify and cancel your bid, no harm done. You'll have to fight for it though.

Fucksgiven · 10/07/2018 00:35

How did someone else bit on your behalf? Isn't the process secure? If they have given your bidding number to your dd then they need to sort it.

Lostbeyondwords · 10/07/2018 00:38

Sorting bids and viewings is time consuming and nobody likes it to go past the 1st nominated person. Homeless cases I feel are sometimes unfairly made into accepting properties, but, applicants are expected to fully look at and consider homes before bidding. That includes not letting someone else have access to your account precisely so this doesn't happen.

steff13 · 10/07/2018 00:46

Are you sure the friend still lives there? Do you have a protection order against your ex? If so, maybe they would accept that as a reason to let you decline the home.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2018 00:51

I'd ask for an appt to discuss it with the manager and explain again, that dd was trying to help etc. I agree generally with Lost but they COULD make an exception if they choose to

Original poster

Fourforksakes · 10/07/2018 01:19

Thanks for the replies.

It was the police who advised me to withdraw contact and let him pursue it through official channels (he never bothered though) I was worried about him drink/ drug driving with them in the car. He was using contact to harass me/ us further, txting our DD (then 9) asking her to check up on me/ tell him if she saw me talking to any men; and being threatening and intimidating when he came to get them. Several incidents were logged with them, but no charges were ever made ( I felt too guilty at the time- mug!) so I don't know if that will still be on file.

I can prove I was in hospital, yes. DD said she didn't mean to bid, she had just logged in to see if anything was available, something I asked her to do sometimes when I was at work as I don't have access to a phone etc there. The log in number and password are saved on my laptop which she was using at the time.

OP posts:

SleepWarrior · 10/07/2018 01:52

On no, how frustrating. Are you sure the friend is still in that house? Any way you can check?

Mumof1DS · 10/07/2018 02:07

Did your ex's friend own the house he lived in? If so, go to the land registry website and buy a copy of the title deed for £3. That would tell you if he owns it still. Alternatively, can anyone's you trust do a bit of observation on his house to find out if he is even still there?
A bit of research could really help as it sounds like having a council tenancy would really be a good thing for your family.
Good luck

Original poster

Fourforksakes · 10/07/2018 10:56

I'm almost certain he still lives there as I bumped into his partner at a festival just a couple of months ago. I'm not too sure if he owns or rents though.

This is awful though, feeling sick at just the thought of going over there to view the house even, I thought I'd left him and round there in the past.

OP posts:

Becca19962014 · 10/07/2018 11:25

My experience -

I was offered somewhere to live two doors down from a man who sexually assaulted me twice and has followed me and made threats for years since and was told it was suitable. The only thing they would accept was court prosecution for the abuse/threats. I was assaulted by him in hospital, plenty of staff witnesses to one of the assaults and went to the police but that wasn't good enough. Nothing has ever been done because he is mentally ill and the police were told to drop it because it's part of his illness.

Housing told me he's innocent until proven guilty by a court so it's not a valid reason for not moving there, despite witnesses and police contact.

I turned it down, but my reason was not upheld. I complained, it was upheld, I then formally appealed and it then went to an independent housing assessor and they upheld it as well.

I can tell you're not in my area, but it sounds like your council may take the same line mine did in my situation.

Original poster

Fourforksakes · 10/07/2018 14:55

That sounds absolutely awful Becca - I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that.

I have now emailed proof that I was very ill in hospital when the bid was made, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they change their mind.

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 10/07/2018 15:00

I would also make the point that the bid was made by a child, without your permission.

Good luck.

Becca19962014 · 10/07/2018 15:05

If they don't you have options to challenge their decision, hopefully it won't come to that though, I can recommend shelter for help with that. I hope it goes well for you. I posted so you didn't end up thinking you're the only one this has happened to.

Original poster

Fourforksakes · 10/07/2018 15:20

Good idea Matilda - I will do that. Thank you.

And thank you for posting Becca - hope it all turned out for you in the end? It is horrible though having to keep 'battling' for things, you know? Like we have no rights and don't matter at all. They had over a 100 bids on the house so could easily get someone else in there straight away but no, they never make things that simple.

Gets you down, all of it.

OP posts:

Becca19962014 · 10/07/2018 15:22

I'm not at the end, but that's a saga so I'll spare you.
Just know you aren't alone and there are options.

Original poster

Fourforksakes · 10/07/2018 15:32

Oh dear Becca I am sorry to hear that, I will keep my fingers crossed that someone finally sees sense and sorts it out for you. Are you in London or somewhere else? They seem very brutal.

Agree btw about Shelter -- they were fantastic at helping me through the eviction process and so on. It's like they're the only ones on your side, and I was so grateful for their help.

OP posts:

Becca19962014 · 10/07/2018 15:52

Not London, rural Wales.

TheMagnificentEthel · 10/07/2018 21:17

Call Citizens advice. If there have been recent incidents reported to the police you could get an injunction saying he can’t live within a mile of you or similar. So by moving there you would be causing him to breach a court order so that would be a defence to refusing an offer.

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