...and that I need to nip it in the bud now?
Name changed for this. I'm so sorry it's long but don't want to drip feed. Basically want to explain where the antagonism stems from.
About me, I have a chronic health condition which has me bed ridden most days due to the debilitating fatigue. I've had it for nearly a year and half now. Was diagnosed shortly after I had DS1, so still trying to get around it. As a result of the complications, I'm unable to raise our son and he lives with DM in another city.
I had DS with me for the first 6months after which my health deteriorated. During this time, my neighbours were all lovely and offered to help in any way. They bought and myself DS lots of gifts, especially this specific neighbour who had just moved in.
Old lady in her 70's with a son that has an alcohol problem and health issues. He's a lovely guy and we get along fine. She, on the other hand, very nosy, a gossip , judgemental but extremely kind.
During this time, she got really attached to DS and would always want to push his pram when we went out and about. I couldn't go out on my own and she'd always want/offer to accompany us. She would fold my washing that I'd put out without me asking. Always invite me to hers for a cup of tea to play with DS. Call me almost daily to gossip and complain which I'd listen to but ignore/not contribute. I'd help her with filling in forms for her, buying her gifts, cooking her food some days when I'll, bring her to mine when her son abused her. The point I'm trying to make is, despite her shortcomings, we were good friends.
When DS left for DMs, every single time she saw me, she'd tell me what a shame it was I couldn't raise DS - despite me explaining the situation 1000x. She'd ask why I hadn't considered moving to DMs city, why I wasn't making an effort with treatment and pushing doctors, whether I expected to live this way as it could be a life long condition. Basically guilt tripping me into bringing back DS.
At some point, she and a friend who would visit her would ask other similar but intrusive questions about my health and it got to a point where I could tell they were mocking me. I look healthy and very able btw, so it's easy to think I'm faking the exhaustion.
Anyway, I decided to keep a slight distance between us, as it was taking a toll on my health. Plus, I was tired of listening to the gossip. She literally has nothing positive to say about anyone. I mean it, nothing! I had gotten uncomfortable listening to her talk bad of the neighbours who were genuinely kind to me. The negativity would bring me down tbh.
Fast forward a couple of months, DS came back home. Travelled to get him but didn't let her know I was going. She called to let me know I'd changed and asked why I didn't tell her about it. I made some flimsy excuse but it was by choice. She told her son it's because he was a drunk that I'd stopped going to hers and why I'd become like this. I didn't tell her because she'd told nearly all my neighbours things I'd confided in her.
Most days, I'd be indoors with him and could only take him out to shared garden to play with toys. When DH would come in the evening he would take him out to stores and park. Whenever she'd see me, she'd suggest that DS needs to be in nursery as I couldn't cope. She offered to take and pick him but I politely declined. He'd been away for a while and I just wanted to really bond with him. Plus our budget...
Another time, she called to say bring DS out, he needs fresh air and that she'd take him to the park. Said DS was napping. She said, it's an odd time (3pm) for a kid to be napping. Told her she was very judgmental and had no clue that DS had been up all night sick and we'd just begun to both feel better.
She took offence to it. I didn't justify my situation to her as I thought by now she should be able to understand. She begun ignoring DH and I but would come out to 'play' with DS. I didn't want to stoop to her level so would let him. During the play, she'd make snide comments like "oh poor you, why aren't you going to the park to see other kids and play with ducks?","it's such a lovely day, you need to be out more", "need some more fresh air and toys, don't you?"
I would let all that slide because I know she's was hurt and probably meant well, despite being judgemental.
Couple of days later, could hear her by the window telling a guy that lives down the street about me and how "this kid needs to see other kids and she is worried about him. Mother couldn't be bothered. They'll both be sick in there etc etc". My new next door neighbour has had an earful of my whole life history too. She's been here 3 weeks now.
I took back DS to DM and stayed there a week before returning as I'm having some health issues again. Obviously, didn't tell her I was travelling. Coincidentally, on the day I was coming back she leaves a curt message " hi it's 'name'. There's been a leak here. Call me now!". I called her back and asked what was wrong. She's taken aback and says "oh the next door neighbour saw you leaving and my floors are wet. The plumber mentioned it might be from up the stair but he doesn't think so anymore". I knew it was made up but told her I'll check and let her know if our bathroom/kitchen is flooded. She didn't expect me back and probably wanted an excuse to have my door broken. There's a back story to her wanting to see my flat but this will be too long.
She's ignored me blatantly since I've been back. Couldn't be bothered tbh.... but today, I was putting the washing out and she found an excuse to quickly come out and complain loudly to what I assume is the Housing Association about drains, pipes and water on the phone. I turned once to acknowledge her but she pretended to be so engrossed in the conversation. I finish hanging the clothes, say "see you around" to her son and new neighbour who'd been called down by her to speak to whoever she was speaking to.
She loudly says, "people's house need to be checked by housing association. Can't be blocking drains and expect to get away"
I didn't pay any attention and walked off. Petty mind games are the last thing on my mind lol. This evening however, I've seen her throw out DS' toy cars that were left for him by our previous neighbours. She put them in the next close bins. He's obviously not playing with them but it's a communal garden not hers!! They're technically not bought by me but wtf!!!
She knows it was left for him.
AIBU to think she's looking for confrontation and will go to any length to antagonise me? I could easily get new toys and dare her to touch them but I don't think she will stop at it. Maybe she wants to get some satisfaction from seeing me upset/hurt/angry as I've not risen to her bait. I've genuinely not been bothered by her antics so far but this one has me itching to do/say something.