To quit job & move not to pay childcare

[Newmums16]

Sorry if this is a bit rambly I’m having an emotional day! Anyway, I work part time & MIL watches DD (2) while I’m at work. MIL has said she wants to go back to work (made redundant a few years back) ASAP & will take any job going (her and FIL bit tight on money atm). There is no one else to look after DD so she’d have to go to nursery or childminder. DD has a few (minor) medical issues & is very very shy (anxiety?) so I really didn’t want her to go until she was at least 3. Plus, MIL saying a job could come up next week but obviously DD is not even on a waiting list for nursery yet, so don’t know what I’d do if that happened! We could afford to send her (just) but we were also hoping to have another child in the near future (hopefully) but there would be no way that we could afford 2 lots of childcare fees. I worked this out after using the calculators on gov.uk to see how much help we’d get with fees. So, AIBU to consider selling up & buying a cheaper house, one that we could afford on just DH salary so I could give up work to look after the child(ren)?? We’ve just found this out from MIL now so I’m just thinking out loud really

Is your MIL angling for you to start paying her?

To be honest, it's not a decision I would make, but that's me. So YANBU in principle if being a SAHM would suit your family.

I would say no. Moving, fees, selling/buying, can be very expensive. Better to plough on with one child in nursery, maybe rethink once in school. Easy to deskill at home with wean, getting back into work after a break, not so much. Big responsibility on your husband to be sole provider, too.

Do you not pay MIL? You know their finances are tight...

Sounds a bit drastic, but why don't you have a look round, do a few calculations and see if it would work for you? Especially if you're thinking of having another DC, as it doesn't look like MIL is going to be available.
And frenchknitting I doubt MIL wants to be paid for minding her own dgc

Are you not paying your MIL then?

She may well need the money from employment, she may just miss having a purpose or maybe she knows she will be lumbered with two children to look after so she getting out now whilst she can.

I wouldn't downgrade to pay for childcare costs, I would work round DH first or wait until I could afford childcare either by moving jobs or staggering the gaps between children more if in your situation.

Presuming you already pay MIL, up her wages?

It won't be long till you get the free hours and you're not pregnant with no2 yet so the period of time when you're paying two lots of childcare fees wouldn't be long at all. Factoring in getting pregnant, being pregnant, and being on mat leave (which would mean no childcare fees for DD1). If you've got a decent part-time job, I wouldn't move and quit when you can actually afford childcare fees. Think of all the money you've saved so far and hang onto your job. The prospect of financial independence is not to be given up in a knee-jerk response. Rather I'd look at the fact your MIL wants to go back to work as an indication of how (not) thrilling a life of childcare can be.

For some reason (unbeknown to me!) MIL has always refused to take money from us (DH has offered several times) but I’ll get him to speak to her again now that the situation has changed. Apparently MIL told DH she was gutted that she may not be able to have DD if she gets full time work so they must need the money but just don’t want ours (?). What I’m really worried about is the lack of notice we might have when MIL does find a job but at the same time I don’t want to apply to nursery for DD because 1) I don’t think she’ll cope yet 2) MIL might find PT work where she can still watch DD (new info). I just feel like I should be taking action rather than sitting back and waiting then being up shits creek

And I know we won’t sell and move just like that (if that’s what we decide) but I feel like we should be making some sort of decision of that makes sense

Nursery may well be good for DD, lots of people don’t have the option of family childcare. Seems pretty extreme, but whatever works for you...

I would work on the assumption she is going to get a full time job and look for childcare.

If your MIL does get a job suddenly, you can ask for Unpaid Parental Leave while you sort childcare. Your work doesn't have to give you the exact dates you want tho although they should be reasonable about it.

Lots of us couldn't afford a second child until the 1st was in school. Just saying. You have a child. You must pay for childcare.

You have a child. You must pay for childcare.

Bizarre logic when the OP has outlined a reasonable way in which they don't have to pay for childcare.