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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she is nuts?

28 replies

cjt110 · 09/07/2018 16:27

DS, almost 4, has chicken pox. MIL messages me.

MIL: Are you at home with DS?
Me: No, he's been at my parents today but I might be at home with him tomorrow as he can't go to nursery
MIL: That'll be nice for you to spend some time at home with DS

Confused

He has chicken pox, is feeling like shit and will be penned up in a hot, humid house. What planet is she on?

Unsure if it's a dig that I am at work and not at home but I don't care. Whilst my parents can help, and it means we can both (DH and I) be at work and not lose money/take unpaid leave, then that's what we will do.

OP posts:
redexpat · 09/07/2018 16:30

Is there backstory to this? Because otherwise all I'm seeing is a thoughtless throwaway comment.

NewYearNewMe18 · 09/07/2018 16:32

Im not seeing anything wrong with her message, unless there is back story

There were two possible responses:
(a) MIL: That'll be nice for you to spend some time at home with DS
(b) MIL: That's awful being cooped up with a sick child all day

One puts a positive spin on the situation, the other would drag you down.

PinkHeart5914 · 09/07/2018 16:32

I’m not seeing anything wrong tbh.

Most dc want Mum or Dad when poorly in my experience and isn’t it always nice to be with your child?

WizardOfToss · 09/07/2018 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cjt110 · 09/07/2018 16:33

redexpat YES, a whole huge one. Long story short no matter what you do, there are always negative, snipey comments and we can never do right for doing wrong yet DH's siblings and their partners have the sun shining out of their arses.

SIL is a SAHM with a few cleaning jobs here and there and BIL's partner was a SAHM 'til their child was 3 and went to nursery. I however went back to work fulltime when DS was aged 6 months. I have a feeling that is what that comment was about.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 09/07/2018 16:34

Yabu I'm afraid.
not all children feel poorly with chicken pox. Dd1 didn't, she was completely normal. So, we had lots of fun, just cooped up inside.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/07/2018 16:35

So why not post about that rather than done inane comment?

MaintainTheMolehill · 09/07/2018 16:36

I think your being a bit sensitive. I would say something like this as when the kids where ill although I obviously preferred them not to be, it was lovely to snuggle on the couch and watch movies.

I was a SAHM too though 😉

Original poster
cjt110 · 09/07/2018 16:36

She hasn't once asked how he is. Perhaps my view is skewed but I can't see how being in a house with a poorly child is any fun, or nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 09/07/2018 16:38

BitOutOfPractice I suppose it's just one thing after another. Never anything positive at all. Always inane comments. Never actually concerned.

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 09/07/2018 16:46

There is nothing wrong with that comment at all.

Agree with the PP some kids aren’t even poorly with CP, could certainly sit in the shade outside with an iPad while you soak up some rays.

Or you could measure yourself up for a new cross Grin

Hawkie · 09/07/2018 16:49

Nothing wrong with the comments at all - do you always make things negative when they can actually be positive?

vandrew4 · 09/07/2018 16:51

IME kids with chicken pox tend to feel OK after the first day or so and lots never feel poorly at all. so yes, it is nice to be able to spend time with them till their spots scab over. Really don't see your problem

runninggnomeintothedesertfree · 09/07/2018 16:58

Probably a dig but could easily be a throwaway comment

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 09/07/2018 17:01

If MIL is relentlessly horrible to you, critical of you having a job, and disapproving of your parenting and your existence then it could be a barbed comment.

Otherwise, no not nuts, and it's how I'd be looking at it. Hope he's feeling well and you can have a nice day together.

And if she is being mean, I'd have a lovely day to spite her.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/07/2018 17:02

I’ve been home all day in this baking heat with my poorly children and we’ve had a blast! I rarely see them tbh and it’s been great fun.

Crunched · 09/07/2018 17:10

Maybe she is hinting she would like to be involved in looking after DS and feels jealous your parents are able to care for him and she hasn't been asked.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 09/07/2018 17:13

You’re being utterly unreasonable. Your poor dh, are you always this negative?

PorkFlute · 09/07/2018 17:17

I always enjoyed having my kids off even if they were under the weather.
If you have taken offence at this comment are you sure she is having digs at you or are you maybe just taking innocent comments the wrong way?

LanguidLobster · 09/07/2018 17:18

OP is probably just a bit stressed at the moment

Cornettoninja · 09/07/2018 17:18

I think you’re life might be easier if you just accept her comments at face value rather than looking for hidden meanings. Spending a lazy day with a poxy child might not be up there with Disneyland but yes it could be nice to have dc in those circumstances just bumming around together.

That’s not to say your mil isn’t a snidey fucker but if it means you’re less stressed it’s a lot easier to let it go over your head.

There’s something strangely satisfying about treating snide comments at face value in a cheery positive way while they try to work out what’s going on and get increasingly blustered.

ChaffyMcChaff · 09/07/2018 17:21

Can you not see how much of an overreaction this is OP? Because it really is. As a PP has already pointed out, there were only two possible responses: the one you got, which is putting a positive spin on the situation (and I'd really rather be at home with my sick children than be in work, so I'm guessing she thinks you'd feel the same!) or a negative one, which isn't very helpful to you at all! You're being more than a bit touchy 🙄

DidimusStench · 09/07/2018 17:21

In the gentlest possible way, you need to take a deep breath and not overanalyse.

My DD has a horrendous case of pox when she was just turned 4. It was awful, she was so ill but we still managed to have a nice time together. Film marathons, den building, afternoon tea... she remembers that, not all the itching and pain! Even now I secretly enjoy it when she’s home for whatever’s reason because I love having her to myself. So could it just be that? I do understand if there’s a backstory though, I guess it could rub you up the wrong way. It doesn’t read weird though!

OverTheHedgeHammy · 09/07/2018 17:25

Send her back this message:

"Ha, ha, ha, hilarious. Spending time with an ill, crabby child being 'nice'. Good one."

Lovemusic33 · 09/07/2018 17:27

I think YABU, her comment was fine and not negative, sounds like she’s trying to look on the bright side?