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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask those of you with young children (Pre-School and younger) how do you organise /structure your day?

22 replies

HariboFrenzy · 09/07/2018 06:03

I have a 3 yo and 6 mo. I'm finding it all a bit tough atm. 6 mo is a real whinge at the moment and needs to be held a lot. 3 year old has just decided to start refusing to go to bed. To keep things brief, I'm struggling to get any housework done, I'm knackered and feel like I'm not managing to give either child the attention they deserve.

I think (hope!) that having some structure to our days might help. What is the best way to do this? Eg if I could do an hour of tidying /very basic cleaning in the morning, then go out for a couple of hours. The problem is, by the time I've done anything like this, the eldest has to be dragged away from his toys/the TV to get ready and will tantrum, then just as we're about to leave the baby will want a feed/fill his nappy etc and before I know it a day has passed and I've achieved very little Sad

I know a lot of this is part for the course with young kids but it's really getting me down. I should be enjoying this time with them and in reality I'm rocking the baby surrounded by mess thinking of all the things I could be doing instead.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 09/07/2018 06:06

I turn the TV off if mine doesn't want to get ready. It works.

123wtf456 · 09/07/2018 06:16

We have a relatively good routine going. Mine are now 1 and 3. They are up mega early, around 5am. We lounge around watching tv, eating breakfast etc then get dressed around 8am. Around 9am I tell them what we are doing and get bags,snacks,drinks, shoes etc organised. Out of the house around ten - whole house will be left in a total disaster. We get home, have lunch, then youngest goes for nap and my eldest is worn out from a mornings activities and happy to sit on his kindle/watch tv so I use that time to tidy up the mornings toys and hoover (they WILL come out again but it's nice to start from scratch). He then normally plays whilst I tidy up the kitchen (dump everything into the dishwasher and wipe down the surfaces).
My standards on cleaning have lowered dramatically- two small kids is bloody hard work - I have accepted that my house will never be spotless and that time with my kidsis more important to me then a spotless home. I think if you take the pressure of yourself and bare in mind the kids are a full time job and the cleaning (when you have two small kids) is also a full time job it's obvious that its just not possible to have both. I will enjoy a spotless home again when they are older!

Lovebeingmama · 09/07/2018 06:18

I tended to do a bit of tidying up after breakfast if I could....or perhaps at nap time (make that your 3 year olds quiet time with tv?)
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t have a tidy house. If you get through the day, it’s a result 🙂
If the house gets you down, go out. I had a routine of one playgroup a day. Keeps your 3 year old happy while you look after the smaller child....and hopefully get chance for a drink/chat with the other mums x

AnnaT45 · 09/07/2018 06:21

Going out in the morning works well. They need to burn energy after a night's sleep! I used to go for long walks or to the park, soft play if you can beat them! Then get home do lunch and then my older one would nap or chill with a film whilst baby napped so I could tidy up or do some washing.

Then I would try do some games playing in The afternoon. I also found dinner time a good time to get stuff done. Give baby some finger food and do washing up etc whilst they eat it.

But in general my house was immaculate, but I did what I needed like washing etc in small bursts. Hang on in there, it'll get better when the youngest gets bigger

AnnaT45 · 09/07/2018 06:22

Beat them should be beat it!!! Not suggesting you compete with them at soft play!

AnnaT45 · 09/07/2018 06:23

Bear it! Seriously I need more sleep 😂

user1491753603 · 09/07/2018 06:25

I only have a 13 month old so can imagine it’s far harder with 2 but generally our day is laid out like this;
Breakfast- while she eats I will do jobs in the kitchen like hoover, mop floor, empty dishwasher, put laundry on, prep dinner if possible.
After breakfast- she will play for a bit in the lounge and I get the hoovering, dusting and tidying done in there.
We usually aim to be out of the house for a couple of hours from about 10am- either playgroup, walking the dog, softplay, swimming, farm visit etc.
Either picnic lunch out or home for lunch.
Free lunch she will nap but only on me so that’s my sit down in front of the tv time for about an hour. After that it we do playtime in the living room or another room in the house if any housework needs doing (we have a small toy basket in most rooms so I have somewhere I can put her down to play for 5 mins).
Bathrooms are cleaned when OH is home as she is a bit of a hazard whilst I do them.

Generally I try to do 5 minute jobs throughout the day rather than fit it all into 1 block of cleaning. She can entertain herself for that long and it’s surprising what you can do in that time.

Have you thought about putting your 6 month old in a sling or carrier for some of the day, my LO hated being put down at that age so it was the easiest way for me to get things done.

Fatted · 09/07/2018 06:29

When mine were little, I honestly found the best thing was just to get up, out and ready first thing. There's 2 years between my 2, so I had a 2.5 YO and 6 month old.

I used to just leave the house work until DH got home or they would both sometimes have a nap in the afternoon if we went out in the morning.

DS1 got 12.5 free childcare hours from the September after his second birthday, so I used the time he was at the childminder and DS2 napped to get stuff done.

Honestly, I know it gets said so much, but I did scrape by on doing the absolute minimum of housework when they were little. It's only really since DS2 got his free hours last September that I've had some decent time to myself and I finally feel like our house is back to a pre-children level of cleanliness. Grin

Mishmishmish · 09/07/2018 06:32

I've got v similar ages. Does your 6 month old nap regularly? Luckily mine does in the morning for an hour and the afternoon. We all get up, have breakfast, the 3 year old then plays or harasses me to play with him while I wash up and wipe around. We play/read till about 10.15 and then all go out to something even if it's a park/library/cafe trip out, usually involves a bus as the big one loves them. Then back home for lunch, clean up again. Little one goes for her nap and I make the big one wait until the baby is down and then give him some cartoons for a while on the iPad in his room. I have to confess I mainly use this as my relaxing time! And don't do any housework then. I don't do a lot really as chuck laundry on in the evening and keep the kitchen clean as I go and wipe the bathroom round every few days. Good luck! Basically I found the 3 year old really needs a routine too so he knows we are going out by 10.30. No tv in the mornings etc.

SandysMam · 09/07/2018 06:33

First thing in the morning, shove a load of washing on and clean kitchen while they eat their breakfast in high chairs or toddler chair. A handheld hoover saved my life as takes seconds to clear crumbs etc, I cannot recommend enough.
I found getting out first was most important. Get all that energy out then home for a bit of tv and lunch. Little bit more housework then but also a bit of a rest. After lunch do water play or something if you can’t face going out again. Toddler groups are your friend if you can bear them as you can zone out while the bigger one plays. Get a cleaner if you can and online shop!

literallydumbfounded · 09/07/2018 06:42

My DH felt a dog would help when our youngest was 1 and our eldest was 2 and I was struggling with pnd....(to get me out the house!) it was stressful and I cried a lot!! But it actually worked. And I'm not suggesting you get a dog! My point being it brought routine and structure.
So for example I have to walk the dog twice a day so we had to factor that in to the day. The kids now 3 and 4 love the outside and are physically able. Ride balance bikes etc.
So my routine is now, as follows;
Up at 6.30
Breakfast, tv, get dressed by 8am
Leave for nursery at 8.35
Come back home walk the dog with youngest at 9am
Come home tidy
Play in the garden/craft or group
Leave for nursery collection 11.50
Come home have lunch 12.30
Play, activity, (tidy up lunch mess)
2/2.30 walk the dog
Come home and tv chill while I can either tidy upstairs.
4.30/5pm cook dinner and then they are in bed by 6.30 ......
But it has taken a while to get into a comfortable and stress-less day. Because the first year/year and a half are really challenging I would say. Especially with naps and grotty over tired children and patience tested. But you will get there..... we nearly always do... roll on the next challenge!!! 😂

westeringhome · 09/07/2018 11:36

Watching with interest as I feel similar to you, it is a struggle at the moment to even eat or go to the toilet as there is always someone needing something. Oh and I have a wild nearly-2 year old as well as a 3 year old and 7 month old. I am sure it will get easier. At the moment it seems to just keep more difficult!!

HariboFrenzy · 09/07/2018 22:38

Thanks for your replies. It's interesting that everyone is saying to go out in the morning - I thought it would be depressing coming home to a tip, but then lately I'm thinking if I'm not there to see it, it can't bother me Grin.

I'm feeling slightly less overwhelmed today as the three year old went to bed before 10 with no shenanigans - YES!!! So I've actually had an evening. I was feeling especially low as for the last few nights my only respite has been sleep - and not enough Sad

OP posts:
HariboFrenzy · 09/07/2018 22:41

@westeringhome I take my hat off to you! The idea of having an extra child to cope with...

OP posts:
Christobel51 · 09/07/2018 23:17

I agree with everyone else.....get up in the morning and go out, somewhere, anywhere.....the park, a play group, the children's centre, the supermarket. When I had two under 18 months I would make myself go out twice a day sometimes and then when were back at home and the girls were napping or chilling out watching some tv, I would have a frantic rush around to do the dishwasher, wash up, clean the surfaces, tidy up a bit and make some dinner, before sinking onto the sofa with a cuppa if I was lucky before they woke up!
I like to put the toys away reasonably tidy at the end of the day if I have the energy as it is good to start the day tidy plus I think the children play better when the toys aren't a muddle but to honest, these days I don't always manage that as I now have four children!
I have also massively lowered my standards!!
Baically, i always regret it if we don't go out in the morning!! Good luck!

Caterina99 · 10/07/2018 01:24

Mine are just turned 3 and 9 months. Oldest goes to nursery 2 mornings a week and DH takes him on his way to work, so those mornings I try and do most of the housework while the baby naps and also errands and things that are difficult with both of them.

The other 3 days my aim is to get out of the house in the morning. We get up around 7 and usually we are on the road between 9 and 9.30. Once a week we have a gymnastics class, and we have a few standing play dates with friends with similar aged kids. Then we either eat lunch out (usually brought with) or home for lunch at 12. Baby naps around 1pm and toddler does quiet time or naps then too. I usually eat my lunch in that time, and do quick jobs like the washing up and laundry etc. Mostly that’s my hour to chill for a bit.

Afternoons we tend to stay home. Play with toys or in the garden, or go to the supermarket or post office, park etc. Fortunately they both go to bed ok usually so dinner around 5-5.30 and then bath and bed around 6.30/7. I try and do most of the housework at nights or weekends so it’s not chaos in the morning, but my standards are low!

JennyBlueWren · 10/07/2018 09:07

My 3yo has also become difficult to get ready. I have realised that the more stressed I am and the more I try to hurry him the more resistant he becomes. I find that getting him ready as early as possible and then letting him play knowing we'll be going out helps. I have also noticed baby's tendency to fill a nappy and soak her clothes just when I pick her up to put her in her pram! This leads to rush and stress and 3yo plays up. I now try to put her in her pram 5 minutes before we need to go and if we have the time we don't need to rush.

DH will be SAHD next month when baby is 5 months but he isn't an early bird so I do the morning routine:
About 7 baby wakes for a feed and DS joins us
After feed baby lies in bednest, DS chats to her and I get dressed
Change and dress baby
Baby in bouncer seat, make and eat breakfast, run up and get DS clothes
If baby settled DS gets dressed then tv toys etc until time to go out

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/07/2018 15:24

I have a 15mth old

Wakes 7ish and has milk and breakie - where I unpack
Dw - put washing on - or unload and hang if I put on late at night

Dd usually sleeps 9/10 in cot then we go out or if activity like music on 1030 she sleeps in car on way

Then go out /activity /see friends etc

Sleeps 1-3 or 2-4 like today and usually at home - unless out for the day and she will sleep in buggy for an hour or so

Have robot hoover so set him off when we go out as long as floor is clear

hellohello12345 · 10/07/2018 15:37

I have a nearly two year old and a five month old and older one goes to nursery three days a week.

On our two days as a three we typically do the following.

7am - oldest downstairs in pjs for milk and cebeebies while I have a quick shower and feed youngest.

8am - breakfast (cereal or egg on toast), everyone upstairs to get dressed, brush teeth etc

9am - in the double buggy and out the door either to music class, the park or stay and play or soft play etc etc

12ish - head home

12:30 - do lunch then after everyone down for nap

1-2 - I try to tidy round, put a wash on etc and then aim for 30 mins chill

2:30/3ish everyone back downstairs for drink and maybe a snack for toddler

3:30 - try to either get some toys out in the garden, sit and do colouring, play dough or read books. Baby is in bouncy chair or high chair or bumbo joining in.

4:30 maybe a bit more tv?

5pm - husband gets home - he plays with toddler and baby - swing in garden, water the plants etc

5:30 - dinner

6pm - bath for both of them followed by teeth brushing and hair brushing and pjs

7pm - baby to bed, toddler gets to read books/ play/ watch bing for half an hour then bed or if I'm on my own with them I let her watch iPad in our bed for half an hour

7:30 - I spend an hour tidying up again/ jobs/ chores

Reading this back I probably rely on bing a little too much!! I usually see mornings as out and about and afternoon as down time but maybe I need to start going out in the afternoon or doing more activities.

hellohello12345 · 10/07/2018 15:41

Ps could you try to get your three year old to help tidy away their toys? I sing a tidy up song and try to encourage her to help.

Pps don't despair we all know your pain - messy house is so stressful when you are home all the time I totally get it. It feels like it's piling up around you!!!!!

Larrythecat · 10/07/2018 21:14

We have all given up on house chores other than cooking, tidying up toys (occasionally), dishwasher / washing machines and clean up the worktop after cooking (or every other day). Obviously, we also do other chores but as when possible, when we have energy, or when we are sick of looking at the mess.

Get your kids to help more as if it were a game / their special job.

I prepare breakfast and put the kettle, I empty the dishwasher whilst I wait. I sit them with cereal and cartoons, I have a shower. 5yo gets ready for school (clothes) whilst I change the 3yo. She gets her school bag ready whilst I do the 3yo one. We go out to either school or soft play, park, supermarket, shops, etc. Just go out, it doesn't have to be a kids' play area, do your shopping and save time. I found out that my local Iceland allows you to buy in store and they will deliver that same afternoon / evening for free, so it's a great way to walk around and buy milk, frozen stuff, etc, without having to go back home before the food defrosts. It's only £25 minimum purchase, so I can do small top ups. The kids like to choose the ice creams or the pizzas, and I gives me a good half an hour of mental meal preparation. We go afterwards to something kids-orientated. We go back home at or after lunch. They have some quiet time with the tablet or the cartoons whilst I set up the meal or tidy up a bit. I sit down with them and have a cup of tea. I let them play in the garden or playroom whilst I watch TV or do some work. I complain that they haven't tidy up this or that. I brive them with some treat for clearing the floor of the playroom, I'll give them some snack. They usually play again in the garden or sit down to do some drawings. I make tea, the kids take their own plates, cutlery and cups (plastic picnic stuff). They also take it back to the kitchen when finished and wipe their table with baby wipes (not to a great standard but liveable). They clean any spills they do. After tea they choose what to do, whether it is reading, playing, or cartoons. If they tidy up the playroom they get a treat like a haribo or two. Most often than not, they don't do it, though. DH takes them to bed. One goes straight to sleep, the other one stays awake until I go upstairs 15min later. I either have a cup of tea or put another dishwasher in between. I go upstairs, read a story or two, talk about the day and lie in bed a bit with her until she falls asleep. I might do the online shopping on phone if I need to, whilst she is drifting off. DH does the washing. He either puts one or takes one off, I'm not sure if he has a schedule, I think he puts one when he arrives from work, as he puts also his work clothes for the day in the basket; and a second one when I go upstairs to put DD to sleep, with timer to do in the early morning. We rinse the bath and shower after use and clean the rest when we notice. Beds are never made nowadays, just aired. We change the bedsheets at weekend and generally try wash them as soon as we take them out, otherwise they end filling the basket for days. DH does the vacuum on Sundays, if needed. We brush the floor after meals, though, at least around the kids' seats. We don't iron. DH irons his work clothes on a daily basis, at night, but that's it.

I spend too much time online on my phone. I probably could do more.

Larrythecat · 10/07/2018 21:27

Sorry for typos / missing words! My brain was going faster than my fingers!

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