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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset over this ?

27 replies

ConfusedZebra · 08/07/2018 22:28

It's my birthday today. Yay! Had a lovely weekend and all is good but I'm a bit upset that my boss has forgotten my bday.

I work for her small family business and I'm very close to her family and kids. I never ever forgot any of their bdays (kids and hers) . She forgot mine and she hasn't even sent me a happy birthday text. She did message me tho asking for a fairly big favour this evening.

I don't know if it's an AIBU question. I mean I know it happens but I'm feeling a bit blue about it and also feels like I'm not appreciated. I don't want to make a big deal about it but it kinda stings a bit.

OP posts:
Disabrie22 · 08/07/2018 22:29

I would tell her it’s your bday

JustVent · 08/07/2018 22:29

She’s human, it happens.

Myneighboursnorlax · 08/07/2018 22:31

Have you replied to her text asking for a favour yet? I’d be tempted to wait until tomorrow and then say “sorry for the delay in replying, we were out celebrating my birthday last night. No problem to do that favour” or something like that.

Original poster
ConfusedZebra · 08/07/2018 22:32

Yup I know she is a human and this happens but it's hard to accept it as I always make sure I wish happy birthday to the people who are close to me. I know we are living in a world where everyone is always busy and rushing but I do feel shit that she forgot it

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedZebra · 08/07/2018 22:34

Yup already replied. I don't want to make her feel bad but I have been working for her for years and been bending over backwards to make sure everything runs well at the company. And that's fine but I feel so unappreciated... I mean just a text or a card. Not expecting anything else

OP posts:
Myneighboursnorlax · 08/07/2018 22:40

Even if you’ve already replied, I’d still be tempted to mention it casually. When you’re next at work and she says “how was your weekend?” you could say something like “it was great thanks. Had a lovely meal out for my birthday. What about you?”

jpclarke · 08/07/2018 22:41

I think the world of Facebook has taken over birthdays and people now rely on reminders from Facebook about birthdays. I have been in your position and it does hurt but I think people are actually oblivious. I always remember everyone's birthday and very few remember mine. It's crap but I have learnt it's not personal.

Original poster
ConfusedZebra · 08/07/2018 22:45

Yeah I don't know. I like her as a boss but she is very selfish and very materialistic. She might not even ask how my weekend was or if I asked she doesn't always ask back how my weekend was😂
I like her but I know her well enough and she is so full of herself she kinda looks down at some people (including me)
It sounds awful but she is okay and I learnt how to deal with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedZebra · 08/07/2018 23:07

I think it is personal when you work together. Her business is very small as well and we have other staff as well but I'm the only one working for her full time. So honestly if you worked with one other person would you not remember their bday ?!

OP posts:
NoMudNoLotus · 08/07/2018 23:11

I dont think as your boss it is necessary for her to remember your bday.

Its nice if she does - but honestly, youre an adult .

SmartyPants0 · 08/07/2018 23:15

I think you may have hit the nail on the head when you said "I always make sure I wish happy birthday to the people who are close to me" sorry to say but I think that her actions put you in the employer bracket and not close friend. What has she done in previous years for yours and families birthdays?

Singlenotsingle · 08/07/2018 23:20

People have to be reminded! You need to say something, not just expect her to remember and then be upset when she doesn't.

WilburIsSomePig · 08/07/2018 23:21

She's your boss, not really your friend. I really don't think this is something to feel 'blue' about but I'm not massively fussed about my own birthday. Don't sweat it OP, I hope.you had a lovely birthday anyway.

Original poster
ConfusedZebra · 08/07/2018 23:21

I feel like whether she wants it or not I am close to her family. When she started the business I was there for her. I have went beyond my just duties when I looked after her kids so she could make it to meeting, when regularly picking up the kids from school, when looking after her little one who had terrible rota virus, when her little one kept calling me mummy as she actually ended up spending more time with me than her own mother. She apparently can't cope with motherhood and run a business at the same time. I can do my job and help out with the kids as much as I can. It's absolutely ridiculous but as I mentioned she is selfish so heyho. Feel like I need to clarify it's a small family business and out relationship is not the usual employer-employee relationship.

OP posts:
SmartyPants0 · 09/07/2018 00:04

You are deluding yourself Confused Zebra... Being a friend of her family does not make her your friend, she has taken advantage of your good nature. Have her family that you are close to remembered your birthday? Does she or her family usually remember your birthday?
Please detach from this person who clearly doesn't appreciate you and celebrate with family and friends that do.

I hope she hasn't spoilt your birthday weekend.

Original poster
ConfusedZebra · 09/07/2018 00:13

She remembered the previous years and I do think she genuinely forgot this year (I certainly hope she didn't forget about it on purpose)

I am leaving the company at the end of Aug. Gave her plenty of notice and she seemed fine about it. I know she was taking advantage but it was great experience and learnt a lot so it's all good. I'll know better next time not letting people taking advantage of me.

OP posts:
itswinetime · 09/07/2018 00:15

You view her as a friend. She views you as an employee. Neither of you are wrong as such but you need to keep that in mind in future interactions. I'm not saying you need to change your behaviour but just keep that in mind before you do it! Are you doing these favours for your boss or for a friend if it is 2 then I would say no as it seems to be building resentment which will make for a unpleasant work place for both of you.

itswinetime · 09/07/2018 00:16

Crossed post well it's a bit irrelevant then but like you say good to keep in mind moving forward

Original poster
ConfusedZebra · 09/07/2018 00:19

Yup I'm just going to leave it now. Whatever. Lesson learned. She is my boss and that's the end of the story. I did have a nice birthday anyway my boyfriend spoilt me rotten so honestly all is good 😊

OP posts:
blueskypink · 09/07/2018 00:26

You're making more of a deal out of this than it merits. Birthdays clearly mean a lot to you, but not everyone places so much importance on them. I certainly don't.

Fabricwitch · 09/07/2018 00:35

YANBU I would be upset too. Even if she doesn't see you as a friend, you are clearly very close. And bosses should take an interest in their employees wellbeing. It's one day a year, and remembering someone's birthday makes them feel special. My boss (in a big company, but only manages 5 people) always buys cupcakes on anyone's birthday. She writes them in the work diary so she doesn't forget. It's the little things that can make employees feel appreciated. Some people don't care about that stuff, but it wouldn't take much effort on her part.
Personally, I would be mentioning how lovely my birthday weekend was on Monday morning so gently remind her Grin

ReanimatedSGB · 09/07/2018 00:50

So you think she's selfish and materialistic and you are a better person than her? Maybe she's counting the days till you move on and she doesn't have to put up with your sweetly-smiling martyrdom any more.

Some people are ridiculously whiny and needy about their birthdays - she's your employer, not your best mate or relative.

Original poster
ConfusedZebra · 09/07/2018 07:23

Reanimated I'm not sure where you get that she is counting down the days for me to finally leave but if she did I'd be more than happy to leave immediately.

Mixed answers I got but bottom line : yes I was upset that she didn't even bother to wish me happy birthday but it is what it is. I get if people don't make big deal out of their on birthdays but I do. And I make a big deal out of my boyfriends bday and family and everyone who matters to me. That's just me and I won't be apologising for that.

OP posts:
blueskypink · 09/07/2018 09:52

And I make a big deal out of my boyfriends bday and family and everyone who matters to me. That's just me and I won't be apologising for that.

No reason why you should op. Just try not to be so hurt when people don't think the same.

PanPanPanPing · 09/07/2018 09:57

What's the big favour that she asked you to do this evening? It sounds as though she's not in work today (?) so she's asked you to do her a favour so that she knows you'll be around at a certain time and maybe she has a birthday surprise - or at least knows you'll be there so she can give you a card or something?