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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he's not normal?

21 replies

pinkblonde311 · 08/07/2018 21:01

Met a guy online, hit it off, messaging all the time. We had a talk and agreed we were seeing each other exclusively, so I hid my profile on the site. He kept his on but wasn't an active user, only to delete the tons of notifications. I thought that sounded weird, so I unhid mine (childish I know). He found out, flipped out and ended things saying he couldn't trust me. I'm ashamed to say I sent long messages explaining myself and telling him I wanted to work it out, he refused and said it was over.

Didn't hear from him for a couple of months and all of a sudden he messages me and we start talking.

Then he gets weird - he goes from one extreme to the other. At first he's not interested, then he is but only for sex, then he wants to date....I couldn't be bothered so started distancing myself. Then one night he calls me, and we talk for ages, he tells me I'm gorgeous and he wants to be a couple but doesn't want to put a label on it as he's got enough stress already (custody battle).He's drunk so I assume he's messing around but the next day he says he wants us to start seeing each other.

Nothing really comes of it and then I offer to help him with his custody battle but he refuses. He's quite depressed about it so I offer my help (it's my job) and eventually he agrees. He says we don't have enough sex to be in a relatonship and ignores my point that we aren't together to be having sex.

He then blows hot and cold... tells me he's only interested in seeing his daughter. that hes ugly and nobody else wants him. I notice he's updated his dating profile and he makes an excuse that his friend did it as a bet to see if he could get him some attention. He says it's too hard to find a partner so he's giving up. He talks like I'm not interested in him. So I tell him I'll give up and he says I might as well, then when I don't reply he asks if I've had enough of him.

He's just come over to drop off paperwork and didn't stay more than a few minutes, I give up.

It's like he's pushing me away to see how much I'll chase him. At times he acts like he wants me, at times he goes cold, he's 32 and it's becoming annoying now.

I find him very attractive and like him as a person but this is a bit of a mindgame.

AIBU to tell him to make his mind up and/or get help elsewhere?

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 08/07/2018 21:03

walk away

anotherangel2 · 08/07/2018 21:04

I only read the first third. Just block all contact with him.

MelanieLampshade · 08/07/2018 21:05

Read that back as if it was your best friend had written it. What would you advise her to do?

Piffle11 · 08/07/2018 21:06

Oh he's definitely a loon … it's unusual for loons to show their true colours so quickly though, so I think he's a MAJOR nutter. You have all the evidence in your post, so run for the hills. If you act cool, he's all over you 'til he knows you're on the hook again … then he cools off. He's working out what's a deal breaker for you: how badly can I treat her before she walks away for good? He's 32, not 16, so he's clearly adult enough to stop playing games. Don't tell him to make his mind up - just tell him to sling his hook. You will have nothing but heartache with this man.

Nothisispatrick · 08/07/2018 21:06

God why bother. And not a particularly good idea to start getting tied in professionally, really not appropriate to start helping with his custody battle.

GlitterGlue · 08/07/2018 21:06

He’s a waste of time. Bin him.

MeanTangerine · 08/07/2018 21:07

He's not interested.

LookWhosHavingKittens · 08/07/2018 21:09

He's just not that into you.

Secondly, the biggest investment you can get yourself is that book and you'll see what I mean.

Giraffey1 · 08/07/2018 21:10

Why bother?

butlerswharf · 08/07/2018 21:18

Yep he's not that into you but wants sex.

Lellikelly26 · 08/07/2018 21:26

He sounds quite self absorbed.

trojanpony · 08/07/2018 21:28

I didn’t even read the whole thing but was just thinking ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun from about the end of the first paragraph

Ruuuuuun

MoonsAndJunes · 08/07/2018 21:30

Forget about 'he's not into you' - The question is, why in God's name are you into him? He sounds like a complete tool. Read it back OP. How much more proof do you need?

MoonsAndJunes · 08/07/2018 21:31

He sounds quite self absorbed.

Grin That's putting it politely!!

ReanimatedSGB · 08/07/2018 21:36

'Dick is abundant and of low value'. There are other men out there. Don't waste your time with this one.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 08/07/2018 21:36

God why do women even consider trying to 'make it work' with men who only need five minutes to prove what utter cockwombles they are?

DogzDogzDogz · 08/07/2018 21:40

He sounds ridiculous. Send the paperwork back to him in the post, lose his number forever and heave a sigh of relief that you dodged that bullet.

I've dated (or tried to date) people like that and in hindsight can't believe I wasted so much time and energy on them. I wanted them to be someone they weren't. It took me 15 years but I did finally meet someone wonderful who wouldn't dream of playing mind games like that. So glad it never worked out with the weirdos.

pictish · 08/07/2018 21:41

I’m sorry but it’s not clear in your post...have you actually met this man in person?

NordicNobody · 08/07/2018 21:45

'Dick is abundant and of low value'. There are other men out there. Don't waste your time with this one.

I've seen ReanimatedSGB say this before and will continue to requote it every time they do because it's seriously one of the truest things I've ever read. If every woman could just internalise this message, especially during the early days of a relationship when there really is no need to try and "make things work", so many shitty toxic relationships would never get off the ground and men would start getting the message really fucking quickly.

smallchanceofrain · 08/07/2018 21:48

Walk away and don't look back.

Likely possible scenarios:
He doesn't love you but he's getting some sex so you'll do for now.
You're not a priority and he comes back to you when he's got nothing else to do.
You're not "the one" and he's still looking - hence the profile.
He's got issues with his ex and there's no way he's ready for a relationship.
He's a player.
He's a loon.

What has he done so far to make you happy and make you want to be with him? Sorry OP. I can't see why you'd want him, or why you want to waste time trying to make it work. Life's too short.

Glumglowworm · 08/07/2018 21:59

Walk away.

I’m exhausted just reading all the mind games and back and forth he’s doing, you must be so drained actually going through it!

Best case scenario is he’s a nice guy who’s currently messed up due to custody battle and presumably shitty break up with the mother of his DC. I’d still be saying walk away because that’s no state to be in a relationship.

Worst case scenario is he’s a manipulative emotionally abusive gas lighting dick. In which case run away, don’t walk.

You’re getting nothing but stress and sex out of this relationship. And you can get sex elsewhere with far less stress!

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