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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dads weekend

37 replies

Laura240990 · 08/07/2018 20:14

I have 2 kids, ds 11 previous relationship, dd 2 sees her dad every weekend. When we were together he never treated my son any different and his family were great with ds. Since we separated over a year ago ds hasn’t seen much of ‘stepdad’ and his own dad has never been in his life. Now ex wants to take dd away to caravan for weekend with his family. Not a mention of ds going. I offered to drive dd as I want to see where she will be sleeping, eating , etc. Now it’s a massive argument coz I’ve said I’d rather book a caravan and treat the kids equally as they always do. Aibu or is he just forgetting the 5 years he spent in my sons life now he has his own dd??

OP posts:

Nogymjustcake · 08/07/2018 20:59

See I find this very sad so 2 children here
Weirder situation but had DS( 11) but we were really young and drifted apart but he was always a good dad ! Had daughter (5) who had s very rough start in life but her dad ran off.
My now husband is eldest dad after we got back together when he stepped in to help me in the time of crisis with DDs health.
He LOVES both of them the same and treats them the same, has asked to adopt DD and takes on full responsibility for her so if anything happened where we split up I would be so hurt and upset if he turned his back on her so I don't think you are being unreasonable

C0untDucku1a · 08/07/2018 21:00

Yabu. Go away wtb your son at the same time dor one to one time.

Arum51 · 08/07/2018 21:08

This is very, very sad for your son. Now two "dads" have rejected him.

However, there really isn't anything you can do about that. You need to let your daughter go off and spend time with her paternal family. It's a caravan - as a pp said, you can just look it up on the internet if you want to know what it looks like. Leave him to it.

All you can do is hope that these experiences make ds grow into a stronger man, who would never treat a child the way these two losers have.

youokhon · 08/07/2018 21:31

But when it comes down to it, DS isn't their family

What a lot of heartless cold responses.

Five years! And because there isn't a blood tie that's supposed to mean nothing?! Every one of you talking about obligation like it's a contract should hang your heads in shame!

You become a step parent for that length of time, you stay a step parent! You do not get to opt in and out of a child's life. You don't want that commitment, then stay a boyfriend. Don't share a home, don't get close to the child, don't have another child with the mother and create a blended family

His behaviour is appalling, as bad as someone adopting a child and deciding five years later they don't want them anymore.

Those if you calling his actions reasonable? Just cannot understand it.

happyfrown · 08/07/2018 21:34

when I met my ex I found it strange and abit frustrating that he still maintained contact with his ex wifes kids from another relationship. when we were together he made more effort with the ex wifes kids then mine, which at the time were his current step kids? he never bonded with my dss's and my bet is if he were to see them out and about he wouldn't acknowledge them. although I know he goes to see the others, but that another thread

even if he did bond with my kids I wouldn't expect ex to keep in contact. can you imagine if he met someone else with kids now and had to stay in contact with the all previous step kids? not do-able!

NerrSnerr · 08/07/2018 21:39

@youokhon it would be lovely if he took the boy on as his own but clearly he hasn't. The boy has barely seen his stepdad in a year and he wasn't invited on holiday. The OP can't force him to treat her son like he does her daughter.

youokhon · 08/07/2018 21:43

Yes nerrsnerr she cant force him but he is behaving badly and op is not unreasonable for being pissed off! But posters are ignoring his behaviour and focusing on her checking out the campsite!

comedycentral · 08/07/2018 21:51

It's weird how he is good enough for you to want him to have involvement in both of the children's lives but not good enough to trust him to pick somewhere safe for his daughter to go on holiday.

You sound like a nightmare controlling ex tbh.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 08/07/2018 22:00

Excately what comedy said she hit the nail on the head you wouldn’t be bothered if you’re ds was included but he isn’t you’re ex’s son and it’s not even as if you were married. I could understand if he had been in his life from such a young age but he hasn’t

kateandme · 08/07/2018 22:06

do something with your son.
is this effecting him?has he seemed upset by this happening.yo need to be open to having that convo with him and making sure he knows its nothing to do with him.if not make sure this doesn't happen by keeping doing stuff with him on his own making him feel as worth as ur dd and hes not missing out

Walkingdeadfangirl · 08/07/2018 22:11

He's not your DS father, its quite normal to lose the bond once the relationship is over. Its not his job to babysit other peoples children so you can have free time.

He is the father of your DD and as such he doesn't have to ask your permission to go away for a weekend. Its actually very controlling and weird to suggest you will approve or not the caravan after inspecting it.

funinthesun18 · 09/07/2018 09:23

You become a step parent for that length of time, you stay a step parent! You do not get to opt in and out of a child's life.

Maybe he doesn’t have the time, space or money to give to an extra child and his own child comes first in his priorities. Yeah, he’s a such an appalling man for doing that Maybe he just wants to move on with his life and give his own child the absolute best he can with his undivided attention. Again, how disgusting of him.

His behaviour is appalling, as bad as someone adopting a child and deciding five years later they don't want them anymore.

Adoption is not the same thing. Unless he chose to adopt his stepchild and officially become her parent then it’s not the same.
He has absolutely no legal rights to this child so why should he still have all the “moral” responsibilities?

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