To delete SN worker off my Facebook?

[OryxFawning]

NC as details are personal and outing.

My DD went to a wonderful early intervention centre for Children with ASD and SN. The staff and workers were absolutely amazing, I can’t fault them.

Coming towards the end of term the other mums and I (all in a Facebook group together) decided to get the major key workers and staff that we primarily interacted with presents. This included a young man that worked as an office assistant and who has SN.

After we left the centre he proceeded to add all the mums (including me) on Facebook. I accepted because another mum had said “X wants to personally thank us all for the gifts so he’s added us on Facebook.” Assuming because our settings don’t allow messages from non friend of friends.

I thought that would be it but no. He constantly ‘waves’ and ‘pokes’ me on Facebook and there is a new message asking “How are you?” Or “Can we have coffee?” Every hour, I’ve tried ignoring but he continues to send these messages until he gets a reply.

At the start I engaged (and tried to avoid coffee question) but it is exhausting and I don’t particularly want to meet him for coffee, I didn’t have that kind of relationship with him. I would say hello to him when entering the centre and goodbye when leaving but that was it.

How do I deal with this? How do I explain I don’t want to meet? Or rather I don’t need to be asked how I am every hour?

I was considering deleting him but just randomly doing that seems cruel and another mum tried to do that but proceeded to get messages from him asking why she removed him. I’ve never been in a situation like this before and I don’t want to hurt him but this is constant.

Nike, I think that might encourage him to insist on meeting for coffee then.

Go to the workplace and speak to his manager . He needs to be told in a kind way it's inappropriate. I have a son with sn and him being an adult worried me so much because he is very friendly with adults. I think you would more more of a twat to ignore and block than to try and help him .

I do find it odd that parents of children with additional needs are failing to understand that this situation could be happening to one of their children in the future. By making his manager aware, you are being proactive and caring. Otherwise it’s SEP and you are using bewildering avoidance techniques to avoid the issue.
But sure, block him and allow him to blunder into possibly deeper trouble next time. Because it’ll never happen to your child.

Sumer, yes, exactly. It's a special needs organisation - they have the expertise to help him with it and there's a reason he's working for them and not on a random hotel reception which would reprimand or sack. The they understand his situation and are best placed to support him.

Summer, I most definitely don’t think it’ll not ‘ever not be my child’. I’m not purposely ignoring him so that he can get into more trouble with someone else. What a horrible thing to say.

I find these situations awkward because I’ve never had to deal with it before so I’m not aware of the proper steps to take hence why I’m asking for advice because I don’t want to hurt him or ignore him. Not because I’m avoiding it because I never think it would happen to my child.

I’ve messaged him what Captain suggested and he ‘minds’ keep our relationship professional. He’s also asked if I’ve ‘Met someone’. So he has somehow assumed that this would be more than friends even though I have barley interacted with him and my partner has been with me at the centre.

I explained to him that he must have misunderstood as I have someone. Hopefully this will set him straight.

What a horrible thing to say? That it appears to be about your embarrassment, the inconvenience and uncomfortable reluctance to act decisively?
Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable to hear, especially if you are used to seeing yourself in a different light. He is vulnerable.

if he does anything else I'd now block him.

He now knows how you feel.

Yes, he seems to be misinterpreting civil interaction for friendships. A lot of teenagers and young adults with sn become desperately lonely as their peers move into dating and relationships and friendship groups and leave them floundering in their wake. Isolated and grabbing at whatever offers come their way. Misunderstanding what is on offer and how far a relationship goes. Has he interacted with the other women in the same way? The ones who added him as a friend?

Yes, it’s horrible to accuse someone and yes he’s vulnerable. But the thing there is I never stated he wasn’t. I asked for advice on how to deal with the situation correctly without hurting him. I am reluctant because I haven’t ever dealt with this before. Not because I ‘see myself in a different light’.

In regards to the others they have said he reacts the same way to them i.e the constant messages and coffee invites. One goes along with it because she thinks it’s fine and the other ignores him.

Yet you won’t tell his manager. So he will become one of the creeps and weirdos that MNetters warn each other about and fear. Or laugh at.
And he’ll still be isolated and reaching out for relationships. Let’s hope one of his colleagues notices and cares enough to get him support before he upsets someone who can’t cope.
Not your problem though.

It's inescapable that it's uncomfortable for him. Other people exercising their boundaries or turning down social overtures can be uncomfortable for anyone.

I used to work for an organisation for people with special needs and once or twice had to deal with situations where someone asked me out, but it was never more than a couple of occasions from the same person. If it is persistent (and he didn't politely taking no for an answer by the sounds of it, from you or the other mother) and he is also working for the centre, they do need to know. He will be working there because he is capable of it. He may have been making mothers and girls uncomfortable for a few years and no-one had spoken up about it before. If you are worried about consequences you could clarify that you think they could support him with some more social skills training for this sort of thing, and you aren't trying to get him sacked.

He won't get into trouble (unless he's been told not to sent friends requests), He will most likely have things explained and reexplained to him regarding the reasons why it's not a good idea.

Very sorry if you’ve experienced anything like this, Summer as I think you’re projecting to assume this much of me. I’m asking advice on what to do, not saying i’ll Ignore him. I was reluctant incase I seemed like the asshole ‘reporting’ him for trying to reach out.

I’ll chat to the manager as we got on fairly well and use what penny has said about supporting him more with his social skills.

I think you should tell his employer, not to get him in trouble but because they would surely be the best placed people to advise him and teach him about social boundaries being SN specialists?

It’s a tough one for people that don’t have a life outside of work (SNs or not), they literally see work as a dating atmosphere and seem to forget about social etiquette and boundaries. I had a taxi driver who told me this, that all he does is work and never goes out, so he only meets women when picking fares up. Throughout the taxi journey he was very flirty, over shared a lot (previous relationships, fall outs with family etc) and wouldn’t let there be a single minute of silence. He probably thought he was being friendly and flirty and ‘giving it a shot/grafting’, but I felt really uncomfortable as I wasn’t interested at all.

SN or not, he should learn that not every woman he comes across is interested in him romantically. His employers again will be best placed to help him process this.

I think you need to contact the centre he clearly thinks you have had a personal friendship he is misunderstanding he won't get in trouble but I really think you should email the manager to let them know what has been said.

Ah you are going to contact the centre sorry missed your last post