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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or are my employers?

70 replies

Oneinthegrave · 08/07/2018 10:50

I clean for a well known pub company, I work 12 hours a week only, for some reason my contract says 9. I work in the early morning before DP goes to work to avoid paying out for childcare.

This morning I was told there’s a meeting thats absolutely compulsory tomorrow at 9.30pm and that it’s been advertised on the facebook group for weeks.

I don’t have a Facebook account, nor do I want one.

This morning is the first time I’ve been told about the meeting. My manager says if i don’t attend, i’ll face disciplinary action.

DP works late then goes straight to his hobby on Mondays (which I never work anyway) and doesn’t get back until gone 10pm. DS is 11 months, The only childcare option i ever have is DM and DF who live 30 miles away, but are on a cruise for another week.
Can they discipline me for not attending? There’s no other notices apart from the one on Facebook

OP posts:
CambridgeAnaglypta · 08/07/2018 10:52

Is it in your contract that you must have Facebook for all communications? I doubt it and your manager is talking bullshit. Call in sick instead.

Original poster
Oneinthegrave · 08/07/2018 10:52

I could probably pay for a sitter (never had one before) but I don’t feel I should have to at this little notice and I’m in the next day at 5am

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneinthegrave · 08/07/2018 10:52

No its not in my contract anything about Facebook, i didnt even know they had a group on there

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 08/07/2018 10:54

Can your DP skip or reschedule his hobby just the once?

Greyponcho · 08/07/2018 10:55

Take DS with you.
If they object, tell them it’s the best you could do with 24 hrs notice of the meeting - in front of everyone else. They’ll look like the arseholes they are, not you

CambridgeAnaglypta · 08/07/2018 10:55

What about telephone conferencing? Or Skype?

Tell your manager you can not make the meeting but if he tells you what its about you will call/email with your input.

pasturesgreen · 08/07/2018 10:56

Meant to add, aside from the Facebook bit, if it's a one-off important meeting I think I'd like to be there in person to hear what was being said.

bakedlikeabun · 08/07/2018 10:58

The Facebook thing is ridiculous.
However, “I might be disciplined for missing a work meeting that clashes with my wife’s hobby” said no man in the history of the world, EVER.
Is your job not valued at all, OP?

Original poster
Oneinthegrave · 08/07/2018 10:59

Its literally only a cleaning job I do, the meeting isn’t like one you’d have in an office. I’ve asked him if he could miss his hobby this week he said absolutely not, with more notice he could’ve done but not at last minute like this. Also, DS goes to bed at 8pm so I am absolutely not keeping him uo til gone 11 when i’d be back or waking him up to take him out I don’t think that’s fair at all...

Just want to know if they can discipline me if they havent told me about it until today. They know I’m not in the Facebook group so I dont know why I havent been told

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneinthegrave · 08/07/2018 11:00

The way my DP sees it is its a 12 hour a week cleaning job any meeting is not worth him missing out on his hobby I think

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 08/07/2018 11:03

Just want to know if they can discipline me if they havent told me about it until today.

Yes they can. It wouldn't necessarily be reasonable, but they can.

bakedlikeabun · 08/07/2018 11:03

So give up the job and stop missing out on your precious sleep, at a time when many women are still on maternity leave! Make it clear to dh that you losing the job is a probably consequence of him not supporting you, so he cannot complain if it happens.

Would he cancel the hobby if your ds hurt himself and had to go to a&e?

Original poster
Oneinthegrave · 08/07/2018 11:06

I think I’m going to have to force DP to come home early aren’t I

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 08/07/2018 11:06

Oops, missed the ‘pm’ part Blush

ADuckNamedSplash · 08/07/2018 11:10

Agree that your DP should be stepping up here! However, you're supposed to have a break of 11 hours between your periods of work, which you obviously wouldn't if the meeting is at 9:30 pm and you're back to start the day at 5 am - don't know if you could argue it on that basis?

Must point out that I'm no legal expert - I don't know if the fact that it's for a meeting, rather than your usual duties, would mean an exception to the 11 hour rule applies here.

duckfuckduck · 08/07/2018 11:12

DP misses his hobby for one week. It's not complicated. Confused

HSMMaCM · 08/07/2018 11:13

How much sleep are they expecting you to get between the 9:30pm meeting finishing and your shift starting at 5:00am?

I would get a babysitter, but I'm a pushover (and my DH wouldn't go to his hobby)

Boxerbinky · 08/07/2018 11:14

They are talking rubbish and cannot discipline you for non attendance of a meeting posted on social media.

Surely even if this was the case the responsibility is on them to ensure that all staff required at the meeting had access to the medium the message was posted on. You don't have fb so they should have informed you in another way.

As an employer I understand that social media, WhatsApp and fb messenger groups etc can be quick and easy ways to impart info to large groups of people, to find cover for shifts etc.. but I would not accept an employee calling in sick this way as there are standard procedures to follow. Same for formal meetings surely?!

Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups! They assumed.. their problem.

MyDcAreMarvel · 08/07/2018 11:15

How ridiculous , your dh I mean! Of course he misses his hobby. How incredibly selfish of him.

Original poster
Oneinthegrave · 08/07/2018 11:18

I’m going to phone my manager and remind him that I’ll be in at 5 the next morning (i usually go to bed around 9 when im working anyway) and if he still wants me to attend the meeting, DP will have no choice but to cancel and if he doesn’t I’ll have to pay a sitter. How annoying though!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 08/07/2018 11:20

Yes the meeting is a little unfair

However its not your biggest issue - that is your husband. Most partners when faced with this would realise the only thing to do to support their other half and miss their hobby - because its the only option in something that is no ones fault.

GirlsBlouse17 · 08/07/2018 11:22

Whoever organised the meeting should have checked that all those required to attend the meeting were members of the facebook group if that was how they wanted to communicate. Anyone not in the facebook group should have been contacted by some other means to ensure they knew in advance about the meeting.

Original poster
Oneinthegrave · 08/07/2018 11:22

Yeah I know, he says because it’s a team sport they’ll be one man down. Not really my problem is it Hmm

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TheFrendo · 08/07/2018 11:23

a) Very short notice for a meeting.
b) Would you be paid for attending?
c) Discipline my arse, no way given a) and the fact that it is way outside the time of your normal working hours.

GirlsBlouse17 · 08/07/2018 11:24

However to avoid you receiving a disciplinary, your husband should miss his hobby for one week and enable you to attend what appears to be an important meeting.

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