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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to see transwomen be proud of being trans -

51 replies

Alternativefacts · 08/07/2018 10:15

AIBU to want to see transwomen be proud of being trans instead of demanding we all agree they actually are women and always have been.And accusing anyone who disagrees with this of hate crime. I would like to know why can you not simply be proud of being transwomen?

Until a few months ago I would have thought live and let live,; been supportive of trans people, recognising the challenges and discrimination faced by them

But seems to me now that trans activists have no regard for biological women, for our concerns and our right to define our own needs, issues and spaces. For the fact that women also face challenges and discrimination.

For example girl guides still insisting they would not tell parentsif a trans girl ( ie born a boy) was sharing a tent with their daughters.
For example lesbians being called transphobic for saying they do not want to have sex with people born male.

I say these things in real life and people laugh, like that’ s ridiculous., it will never happen. That’s what I would have done a few months ago before I realised.

And now posting this I have no idea if this will be deleted by MN - will this be considered transphobic or is it a legitimate concern being expressed ?

politicians of all parties including Jeremy Corbyn and Penny Mordaunt ( Minister for women and equalities) would be in are actual women- and calling people who challenge that transphobic.

OP posts:
yetanothertranswoman · 08/07/2018 13:09

I would like to know why can you not simply be proud of being transwomen

What is so proud about being a transwoman? I am one - but I am not proud of it. It's brought me nothing but pain during my life when I hid myself and coming out as trans has had many repercussions in my work and family life.

Nothing to be proud of there about being trans.

I did go on my first Pride march this year. Just to be part of a community and to say to people that yes, I am trans and I exist. Given all the media headlines this year, I wanted to be part of something were all diversity is valued and appreciated. It felt good to see support for the LGBT community in real life.

But I am not proud of being trans.

HermioneWeasley · 08/07/2018 13:12

yetanother

I’m bi and for me it’s nothing to be proud of, but I’m not ashamed either. That’s how I think of it.

user838383 · 08/07/2018 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yetanothertranswoman · 08/07/2018 13:31

I am not trying to hurt you but I would not see you as a woman but i would admire you for dressing as one if thats what you want to do

That's not what being trans is about. I know many people think being trans is just about dressing as a woman but it isn't. Well, not for me anyway. It may be for others.

busyboysmum · 08/07/2018 13:41

I agree op.

I don't think women would have a problem with supporting them if they were content with being a TW.

But we are seeing forced acquiescence to the lie that humans can change their biological sex.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/07/08/government-drops-doctor-says-gender-given-birth/?utm_campaign=Echobox&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1531034286

Metoodear · 08/07/2018 13:45

yetanothertranswoman

I am not trying to hurt you but I would not see you as a woman but i would admire you for dressing as one if thats what you want to do
if you really felt you had to be addressed by being called a women I would do so but I wouldn’t now or ever see you as a women I would just be humouring you as the majory will be

yetanothertranswoman · 08/07/2018 13:47

if you really felt you had to be addressed by being called a women I would do so but I wouldn’t now or ever see you as a women I would just be humouring you as the majory will be

If it helps, I don't see myself as a woman. Because there are many things my body can't do that a biological woman's body is designed to do.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 08/07/2018 13:47

yet
That's not what being trans is about. I know many people think being trans is just about dressing as a woman but it isn't. Well, not for me anyway. It may be for others.

This is the problem with the new broad definition I think? The transexual part of the umbrella seem more likely to identify WITH women than the other part.

Transwomen are (according to stonewall)
Male transsexuals and Male transvestites (erotic transvestites gets sexually excited by the dressing, a social transvestite simply feels more comfortable in those clothes)

Pink news poll shows that 82% of people are against gender self ID.

Clinicalwaste · 08/07/2018 13:52

Good post op and I have thought the same thing. There are transwomen who say they are not women and are proud of being trans. The trans umbrella is so broad and made up of so many different groups of people they are not all on the same page at all.
I follow a few trans people on twitter because I am very interested in this topic. I got into a conversation with one and I felt naive in saying I thought trans people should be proud. She was a transwomen and said much the same as YETANOTHER above that she was full transsexual but hated being trans and felt her life sucked, constantly trying to pass and avoid abuse. She spent the whole time trying to blend in and would not recommend being trans to anyone. So she was not welcome in female spaces but subject to violence and abuse in the men’s spaces so less risk was by creeping into women’s spaces. The issue is with male violence. Genuine transwomen want privacy but to get that they must in effect hide and legislation cannot really protect them form male violence as it has totally failed to protect women from male violence.

yetanothertranswoman · 08/07/2018 13:59

Good post @clinicalwaste

I recognise so much of what you've said.

YogaDrone · 08/07/2018 13:59

Absolutely OP. I would be very happy to support transpeople to be transpeople.

What is the point of the "T" bit of LGBT if trans doesn't exist because transpeople are actually the opposite sex (and science is just hokum), and to say anything else is a hate crime? It's just illogical.

Metoodear · 08/07/2018 14:00

yetanothertranswoman

I am very sorry if I made you feel bad in any way but I can’t disgreagrd biology ☹️

Bobbybear10 · 08/07/2018 14:03

What is the actual issue with being called a Trans women rather than A women?

If trans is what you are why are you unhappy with the trans label?

Or are most trans people happy to have their own ‘category’ for want of a better word, and it’s just a few that are unhappy to be called trans and wish to be called a woman while biological women are called Cis women?

Why should women have the woman ‘label’ taken away and used by trans women and be replaced with Cis woman?

I don’t know if I’m missing the point but surely it would be better for trans women to have their own label (trans) so they can decide their own rights and rules and debate their own unique issues within that group?

yetanothertranswoman · 08/07/2018 14:04

I am very sorry if I made you feel bad in any way but I can’t disgreagrd biology

You didn't make me feel bad. My body's biology makes me feel bad despite best efforts, there are many things about the biology that can't be changed. It's just something trans people have to live with.

YogaDrone · 08/07/2018 14:11

"I don’t know if I’m missing the point but surely it would be better for trans women to have their own label (trans) so they can decide their own rights and rules and debate their own unique issues within that group?" if you are missing it Bobbybear10 then I am too.

FlyMaybe · 08/07/2018 14:16

When you're being told that talking about gynaecological problems is cis privilege and trans exclusionary there's something badly wrong.

This ^ is my biggest issue.

I have a friend who is a trans woman, yet chooses to spend some of their time dressed as a man. Their social media details many unfortunate encounters with transphobic men while femme (hope I'm getting the terminology correct - I have no wish to offend). Yet they insist that 'trans women are women'.

I can't help thinking that it seems for my friend, it's only when it suits them. I care deeply for my friend, yet I find myself troubled about the militancy of the current trans 'agenda', seemingly wishing to curb the rights, protections and freedom of women. (I refuse to use the term 'cis'. I am a woman).
I also wish I was brave enough to suggest to my friend that the sparkly light blue ABBA-style eyeshadow is doing them no favours at all at 50+

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 08/07/2018 14:27

I see the "proud" comment in the OP as being content in yourself. IMO any happiness you have in life has to be based on loving yourself - accepting yourself as you are, including the things that you cannot change.

We are all different but equal before the law. Trans people have specific needs. Without the trans label these needs cannot be met.

RainbowsAndSmiles · 08/07/2018 14:39

Just wish trans women would dress appropriate to their age. I'm in my forties and wouldn't dress in a sparkly crop top, very short mini-skirts and high heels - and neither would my friends

Appropriate for their age? Screw that, I'm a 40 year old woman (not trans) and I'll wear what the hell I like thank you.
Since when do you have to not wear sparkly crop tops the second you hit 40? Is there a memo that says you should be wearing buttoned up cardis and trousers at that age? Hmm

coffeeagogo · 08/07/2018 15:10

I am still WTF to the comment about hands and feet - I am a size 10 shoe (44) and I can't buy women's leather gloves due to my great big giant hands - I am a definitely a woman - a 186cm tall one.

And whilst I probably wouldn't go down the sparkly crop top high heels combo I fully reserve my right to do so if I chose at the grand old age of 41

Jaxhog · 08/07/2018 15:13

It's all 'me, me, me'. Never mind anyone else.

Fairenuff · 08/07/2018 15:20

Since when do you have to not wear sparkly crop tops the second you hit 40? Is there a memo that says you should be wearing buttoned up cardis and trousers at that age?

As if there were nothing at all between those two ends of the spectrum Grin

Fairenuff · 08/07/2018 15:21

I think it's the male idea that dressing 'as a woman' is reduced to tits and arse that is more offensive.

RainbowsAndSmiles · 08/07/2018 15:36

As if there were nothing at all between those two ends of the spectrums

I never said there wasn't anything in between Confused just that it's a bit off saying that once you hit 40 as a woman you need to dress appropriately for your age.
Who are you to say what women should or shouldn't be wearing?

starzig · 08/07/2018 18:22

They don't 'want' to be trans though. They want to be the opposite sex.

user838383 · 08/07/2018 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.