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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and indulgent?

30 replies

PeapodBurgundy · 07/07/2018 22:48

Not a particularly thrilling one, but I've been pondering on and off since teatime because OH is on night shifts and I've nothing to distract me and I'm wondering if I'm missing something.

DS (2) is going through a phase of loving vehicles, trains in particular, both toys and the real thing. We use public transport a lot, and when we get off, he likes to wave goodbye to the bus or train as it departs, so I generally wait the few moments so we can watch it pull away so he can wave goodbye. If we're in a rush/the weather is foul etc, we don't, and he's content enough to wave as we leave, but gets excited if we wait to see it leave. Not really thought much about it until today, it's just something that we do.
We got off the train at the small station near to us, which only has once service run through it. We stood back in between two of the benches while people got on and off, waiting to wave the train off before heading home. The conductor caught my attention, and pointed out that I wouldn't get a connection from that station, and that I should have got off at the previous (central) station, and was kind enough to point me in the direction of a bus stop where we could get back to the main station (I'd have been very grateful for this if I'd made a mistake with connections, as trains only run every hour through that station, so it could have been a lengthy mistake to rectify). I explained that we were just waiting to watch the train pull away so DS could wave, and he looked at me like I was batshit crazy, and said 'so you're just going to stand there until the train goes?' and made a comment about spoiled, bratty children running the show, before getting back on the train, shaking his head.
Not that it's any of anyone else's business if we choose to wait a moment and wave to the train, but is it a stupid thing to do? Am I one of these ridiculously over indulgent parents without realising? It's just something he enjoys, that has minimal impact on our day, the thought to not let him wave off the train when he enjoys it so much without an actual reason NOT to didn't occur. Curious as to what others think. It just seems harmless to me, but apparently not to the conductor!

OP posts:
slkk · 07/07/2018 22:53

Nah my son still likes to do this at 7 (ASD). As long as you can move him on quickly when you need to, there’s no harm in giving him his moment when you’ve got time, people love to have an opinion.

FairiesAndChocolate · 07/07/2018 22:54

The guy was being out of order. Forget it

DuggeeHugs · 07/07/2018 22:54

YANBU

As you say, it isn't impacting anyone else and your DS enjoys it. My DS is the same age and every time we pass the camper van parked a few streets over we say 'good morning' to it because he thinks it is a character from the Cars franchise.

They're only little for such a short time, let them enjoy the little things while they can.

SchrodingersCaterpillar · 07/07/2018 22:54

What a rude arse. Why wouldn’t you let him wave?!?

fc301 · 07/07/2018 22:55

The spoilt bratty person was him, miserable git.

SchrodingersCaterpillar · 07/07/2018 22:55

Sorry, sent too soon! I don’t think it’s indulgent at all, just a little thing that makes him happy and why not if it’s not inconvenient or troubling anyone.

Halfblindbunny · 07/07/2018 22:57

What an odd thing to say. Most people I know would have reacted by making a special effort to wave t him.as the train left.

Original poster
PeapodBurgundy · 07/07/2018 22:58

Thanks for the responses. I'm glad I'm not cracking up. I could understand if it had been a day we couldn't wait, and he'd seen DS have a tantrum/demanding to stay etc, but he doesn't, he'll just lean around his pram and wave until it's out of sight/has driven past us. It's just a little thing that brings pleasure to his day.

Love saying good morning to a camper van Grin

OP posts:
theymademejoin · 07/07/2018 23:00

It's really nice and he will hopefully remember it.

My kids still remember that we used to go by the railway crossing on the way home from nursery in the hope (theirs, not mine) that the barriers would be down and we could watch the train go by. It added on about 5 minutes to our journey home. Not a big deal but they loved it.

PixieBigShoes · 07/07/2018 23:00

If we have time to kill, we'll often find a station to wave at drivers!

CranberryLemonade · 07/07/2018 23:02

YANBU

As previous people have said not at all. Some people just have less time for these simple bits of childhood joy and that’s a shame for them.

Recently a lovely driver on our local line saw us looking at the train after we got off and told my 2 year old that if he waved to him as the train went he would beep the horn - and he did :) Made my two year old happy and i’m sure it made him happy too

Thehop · 07/07/2018 23:03

You are lovely as is your son

Mammyloveswine · 07/07/2018 23:03

What a miserable old git! My 2 year old loves transport and we always wave at the planes, trains and busses and name the colours of the cars! Most drivers of the trains near us wave back!

PandaPieForTea · 07/07/2018 23:03

How odd. Doing small things that make your children happy is kind and it is a great way of teaching them kindness by example. Consistently refusing to do that sort of thing would be a bit neglectful/abusive, rather than being a way of stopping children from being bratty.

bushtailadventures · 07/07/2018 23:04

It's fine, a lovely thing to do for your DS, the guard was just being a misery. I stand outside at 7.30am once a week with dgd, just so she can say Hello to the bin men, don't see it as indulgence, just something small that makes her happy (think the binmen like it too, they honked the horn on their way past this week)

Keep on doing what you're doing, it's costing nothing but a few minutes of your time and making your ds happy, win win Smile

DrDougieHowserMD · 07/07/2018 23:05

We lived in a place where there was a rail track over the road. DD (toddler then) and I would stand in the garden on sunny days and wave at the trains going by. Many of the drivers gave the horn a good blast along with a wave back!

I would be pretty pissed off with that conductor. Totally unjustified calling your child a spoiled brat and insulting your parenting when you had done nothing at all wrong. If the kid was being a spoiled brat then fair do's but this was nasty. I'd probably be mad enough to email the company. I'm not one for getting people into trouble but he was just so fucking RUDE!

Merryoldgoat · 07/07/2018 23:05

What a miserable git.

Keep on doing it OP. My aunt used to drive my son to the nearby level crossing so he could watch trains - it made him so happy.

JaretsGirlfren · 07/07/2018 23:06

I waved at a bus with on a face on before I remembered my DD was with my DM and I was out alone Blush

Original poster
PeapodBurgundy · 07/07/2018 23:06

Most of the staff are much friendlier on the services around here. On our way out, DS was given his own special ticket with his name on (he has an old wallet he keeps them all in, we're getting quite the collection Smile ). There's one conductor who's particularly lovely, he has the kids fooled they're controlling the doors on the full train by pressing the door open/close buttons, and keep stickers in his satchel for them as a well done for helping him as they get off. Perhaps the heat just got to him or he's not as child friendly as some of his colleagues

OP posts:
Rockhopper81 · 07/07/2018 23:08

My dad is a train driver. He would’ve waved to your son if he’d been driving and thought it very sweet.

Unfortunately, some people are complete arses and thoroughly miserable. You sound lovely and I’m sure your son loves these little moments. The fact he accepts it if you can’t stay and wave goodbye speaks volumes to the fact he isn’t indulged at all!!

Bluntness100 · 07/07/2018 23:09

What did he actually say? Did he really say your son was spoiled and bratty and look at you like you were batshit crazy? Really?

For some reason I don't think he did...

If you need attention then there are better ways to fill your time.

BeeFarseer · 07/07/2018 23:10

I do this with my two year old all the time. I use my train pass to travel around on different trains with him, for around an hour or so. He loves it. We watch the trains leave and no-one has ever been as rude as that man!

Tillytrotter123 · 07/07/2018 23:11

You sound like a lovely mum, forget him.

HildaZelda · 07/07/2018 23:18

The conductor was being an arse. You sound like a lovely Mum and I'm sure your son was delighted that he got to wave at the train.

Original poster
PeapodBurgundy · 07/07/2018 23:19

Bluntness No he didn't directly say my son was a spoiled brat, but I got a very definite wide eyed expression as if I was doing something surprising or unreasonable when I told him he was waiting to wave the train off. The comment was made as he was turning to get back on the train along the lines of 'spoiled brats running the show'. No need to believe me if you choose not to, but I wasn't trying to attention seek, merely have too much time on my hands this evening sat here by myself Smile

OP posts: