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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask you to help me get the sack !

25 replies

fernellabella · 07/07/2018 22:45

I have name changed as this is really outing ! Long term poster and mum though.

Basically I have made a huge mistake 🙈 I have agreed to look after my friends business while she is having a hysterectomy. We are both qualified in the same line of work although she has been doing it for much longer than I have. I have also been a stay at home mum for a few years.
Anyway ! She had someone to cover for her but after a couple of weeks of her training this person in her ways of running the business she was let down and it didn't work out.
She begged me to help her out and although I wasn't looking for work at the time I thought why not it would be nice to get out in to the real world again and have a break from being a mum plus it is only for a few months.
Anyway I have been shadowing her and then gradually taking over for a month. The business is so disorganised ! I don't want to give too much away but it is a very customer focused industry. She scrimps and cuts corners all the time to save money and puts health and safety and hygiene hugely at risk. She constantly undermines me in front of customers and tells them that she has been so let down and nobody is going to be good enough to cover for her. She shouts at customers to the point that it makes them cry (I am not joking)
She has had a huge go at me this morning because she forgot to open up and thought I should have done it even though she never asked me to. Oh and best of all she is struggling financially so I haven't actually been paid.
How do I get out of this situation ? I feel incredibly guilty for letting her down as she obviously needs the operation but I really don't need this stress in my life. I have been coming home every night feeling sick, have lost my appetite and dropped a lot of weight. She could also make things incredibly difficult for me in our industry when I go back to work full time.
What the hell do I do ? My husband has told me just not to turn up on Monday but it isn't as easy as that because I have customers who I will be letting down.
I have just found out that she wasn't let down by the other person she basically made them feel so unhappy they just left.
Obviously I am going to loose this friendship and feel like a total arsehole because she will tell everyone I have let her down 🙈
Any tips on faking my own death greatly appreciated 😂

OP posts:
AlphaBravo · 07/07/2018 22:49

My guess is Dog Groomer (we're the only ones allowed to shout at customers really...) And she is a cunt, basically. And you need to tell her.

Katescurios · 07/07/2018 22:52

I think if you have accepted that you will probably not retain the friendship then I would:

  • Has a frank, but polite discussion where you explain clearly what the issues are
  • State that you will continue to support IF and only IF you get paid and she steps back and let's you support
  • State that if she is unhappy to do the above you will not be attending from ...[insert a date you're comfortable with here]
Original poster
fernellabella · 07/07/2018 22:55

To be honest I am at the point where I don't care if I get paid or not I just want to be away from the whole thing. She is very hard to talk to and doesn't reply to messages or answer her phone.
Good guess but unfortunately our customers are human 🙈

OP posts:
Princesstwilightsparkle · 07/07/2018 22:56

I'd be very careful about taking it on if you're not sure. DM had a hysterectomy a few years ago and was a long recovery time, at least 6 months. I think you need to be honest with her and step away quickly.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 07/07/2018 22:56

It's already making you feel ill. How long would it be before the stress made you too ill to work?
I think you have to have a really unpleasant conversation and tell her (in as much or as little detail as you like) that she has been a total nightmare and you want out. She will yell, but you know that she was going to yell anyway, when you didn't cut corners or whatever. She doesn't want help, she wants proof that she is irreplaceable. And she wants to keep all the cash, obviously.
Or you could tell her your granny/parent/aunt is sick and needs you more. Just, whatever you say, get it over with now. Leaving it until Monday will not help.

Princesstwilightsparkle · 07/07/2018 22:57

Maybe if she doesn't answer send her a text explaining and be done. It's her own fault if she doesn't pick them up!

AlphaBravo · 07/07/2018 22:59

"Due to family problems I'll no longer be able to cover you at work. I hope you find someone else asap, and thank you for understanding my family have to come first"

Then block her OP.

Thehop · 07/07/2018 23:00

My mum and dad were self employed all my life and I remember her having a full hysterectomy on Monday and coming back to work Friday. Bless her.

Anyway

“You’re right, friend, you absolutely can’t be matched. There’s no way I can do you justice here so I think you should find someone else I’m sorry.”

“I’m very sorry, but I’m miserable and my family are suffering. I’m not going to be able to come in after next week.”

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 07/07/2018 23:01

My money is on human groomer! (Hairdresser).
I'd just tell her straight, you can't do it. If she asks for reasons, maybe tell her you didn't realise it would be on a voluntary basis and that you don't feel your management styles are compatible. Tell her you'll give it a fortnight and will assist in finding a replacement during that time but won't stay any later.
If she gets nasty, get honest.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 07/07/2018 23:01

I think you need to cut your losses with the friendship and make your excuses.

Even if you did carry on managing her business, I can see your so-called friend blaming you horribly if her business goes tits-up in the interim, which sounds like a distinct possibility.

Original poster
fernellabella · 07/07/2018 23:01

“You’re right, friend, you absolutely can’t be matched. There’s no way I can do you justice here so I think you should find someone else I’m sorry.”

Brilliant ! Thank you

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2018 23:28

What sort of hysterectomy is she having? This makes a huge difference. Thehop your mother is unusually strong and most women wouldn’t be able to do that even if the op was laporascopic. I’m 2 weeks in from mine. It was major surgery and a very large incision. I’ve been told I won’t be enjoying the summer holidays.

Original poster
fernellabella · 07/07/2018 23:33

She is having a full hysterectomy it won't be keyhole

OP posts:
73kittycat73 · 07/07/2018 23:35

and was a long recovery time, at least 6 months

I had a hysterectomy a few months ago and the recovery time was 6-8 weeks.

73kittycat73 · 07/07/2018 23:36

Cross posted, I had keyhole.

Whisky2014 · 07/07/2018 23:37

You say "i need paid" she says she cant
Oh well, too bad....

FarFlungFairy · 07/07/2018 23:40

Tell her she’s a horrendous bully and you’d rather shit in your hands and clap then work for her.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 07/07/2018 23:46

FarFlungFairy Grin

Op, she's giving you loads of ways out... haven't paid me? See ya! Shouting at me in front of customers? Bye! Insulting my professional integrity? Auf Wiedersehn!!

Could you part ways cleanly by insinuating that if she makes you out to be the baddy you'll be spilling on her less than best practice? Think Devil Wears Prada - all that cachet for quitting because everyone in the industry knew what a tyrant she was!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2018 23:55

73kittycat

That seems to be the normal recovery time for keyhole. I wish I could have had keyhole but had to have the dreaded vertical scar, which starts above my belly button. Some days I sleep on and off all day. I know it’s only 2 weeks in but I can’t see I’ll be great in 6/8 weeks.

Shambu · 08/07/2018 00:08

Why would you want to keep her as a friend? She seems awful on all fronts.

Oddcat · 08/07/2018 00:24

Or you could do such an amazing job that her customers ditch her and come to you !

Who on earth shouts at clients ? (Is it hairdressing ?)

Timeisslippingaway · 08/07/2018 00:38

She sounds like a treat Hmm
Why are you friends with her? Be honest tell her she's a night mare and you don't want this stress.

Am I the only 9ne desperate to know what industry OP works in 😂

pennycarbonara · 08/07/2018 09:25

I reckon it is hairdressing. Some hairdressers can be very sure they know best and give customers hairdos they don't like and react badly to complaints. Never met a beautician with a similar attitude, and usually the work they do has fewer permutations. Hairdressers are also more likely to be working in the same room as colleagues (potential to undermine while the other person is aware of it happening).

Good luck getting out of this OP!

BlueJava · 08/07/2018 09:33

You have to tell her because her recovery time could be 6 months. Get it in your mind that you are going to turn up, tell her and then leave. Dress differently and have an appointment ready that you have to go to. When you get there tell her first thing and just be honest. "I am sorry but I am unable to help you manage the business during your operation. It's a bigger task than I thought and I simply can't commit to it". Hopefully that is both non-inflammatory and not blaming her or you. Personally I'd write a very brief letter as well that she can read after you have gone. This is just in case she comes back all legal about "verbal agreements" and you ruining her business. I'd keep a copy of it too. Good luck!

CigarsofthePharoahs · 08/07/2018 09:43

The only time I recall someone shouting at a client and thinking they were justified was at a vets.

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