AIBU to leave this group?

[Funkyslippers]

For the past 10 years since our kids started primary school, a group of 7 of us mums have gone out every few months or so for drinks. Since our kids started secondary school our nights out have become less and less, which I don't have a problem with. What I do have a problem with however is making firm dates with people for them to drop out at the last minute. Last time, for instance, we confirmed a date, then on the day 4 of them dropped out, so 3 of us just had drinks at my house. One of the mums I haven't seen in 18 months and she rarely even replies to group messages and never turns up anyway.

So we then a month ago we decided on 2 dates that everyone agreed would be fine. One of them was 3 weeks ago. It came and went with no mention of it. 2nd date was last night. Same thing happened. I just feel the majority of them can't be bothered with the group anymore. I used to be the one to message everyone a few days before to check everyone's still meeting but with most people dropping out I wonder what the point is. Part of me thinks F* it, I'll leave the group and get some satisfaction out of them seeing "Funky has left the group". But if by some miracle they do start going out again I'd be cutting my nose of to spite my face! But I feel like I'm wasting my time trying to arrange anything.

I should add, my closest friend is one of the group and I would still see her anyway

I'll leave the group and get some satisfaction out of them seeing "Funky has left the group".

Why would that give you some satisfaction? I think YABU. You all have drifted a bit, it happens. Next time they arrange something just say you won’t commit to going, as it always falls through anyway.

It sounds like the group has grown apart as a natural course of events anyway - no need to 'formally' leave though just in case you all do decide to meet up!
I wouldn't really worry too much about it to be honest!

Apart from the attempts to arrange a night out is there any interaction / chat in the group?

No, not really any interaction, a couple of the mums are closer so they may see/speak to each other more and my closest friend I see every week. Apart from that, it's just a 'hello' in the playground if we see each other when collecting our younger LOs

Just let it go. No need to flounce.

But it's incredibly frustrating and I find it rude and thoughtless when I've purposely set aside a free evening and it comes to nothing, with most of them not even saying they can't make it anymore

Your flounce won’t change things though. It just might make you look a bit silly. If you want it to change the only thing to do is to speak up.

So tell them that.

If the group is only to arrange non existent nights out then what's the point?!

If you want to make a point (and I suspect you do) just message to say you're going to leave the group as it's defunct and they can contact you by text if there's any more nights planned.

Good idea, Wips

The mad thing is, if you do leave the group, you'll get loads of messages, and someone will re-add you, and everyone will be all, 'ooh, why did you leave?' 'have we upset you?' etc. At least this is what happened when I left one such group.

It actually resurrected it by opening up conversation (I pointed out no-one ever bothered to actually meet up any more, or often even reply to messages, hence me leaving), but I'd left because I thought it was a pointless group rather than trying to make any point.

Life's too short for pointless groups

Thanks, Christmas. I agree :)

Why don't you just message them and say something like 'seems we've been a bit rubbish at keeping to our plans lately, would be sad to see the group drift apart we always have a good time when we get together. Can we rearrange and all try to stick to it?'
See what happens. They might feel the same. It's not like you've messaged in the lead up to the recent nights out and been ignored people have just stopped making it a priority.