What age is ok for these things for kids?

[PerfectSunflowers]

Not really aibu but DH and I have very different ideas about ages so wanting a variety of replies - what's the 'general' consensus on ages for kids to be able to do things on their own...

1. Be left in the bath?
2. Be alone in the house?
3. To go out on their own to play?
4. To drink alcohol - moderately in the home?
5. To walk themselves to school?
6. To cook using the oven / hob?

Im baffled there are a few who won't let a child cook - despite food tech in schools from Y7, and some primaries are also kitted out. Do they not so this stuff at brownies or cubs (what ever they are called) ?

1. Be left in the bath? 5 years?
2. Be alone in the house? 10 years plus for short times, secondary school age 2-3 hours max
3. To go out on their own to play? Depends on where you live. Safe, quiet village, cul de sac 10 years?
4. To drink alcohol - moderately in the home? 15/16 years
5. To walk themselves to school? Depends on how far, how busy the roads are etc - 10/11
6. To cook using the oven / hob? Depends on how sensible the child. I’d let my 12 year old but he won’t do it!

Honestly my mind is blown. I just can't get my head around how you could not leave your 8 year old at home for ten minutes alone but let them out to play on their bike alone at 7. Or how you won't leave your 11 year old alone in the house but let them walk to school alone at 6. Both examples from this thread.

Am I the only one who thinks this is such backward thinking?

1)9
2)11
3)10
4)18 be a parent not a cool mom
5)10
6)11

With mine

1. Be left in the bath? Age 2 for short periods with listening in, age 4 for the duration of the bath, door open. Door closed from about 6.
2. Be alone in the house? Age 8 for short periods of 10min or so, age 9 for about 30min, age 10 for about an hour or so. Always ensuring they know how to phone etc. in an emergency.
3. To go out on their own to play? That heavily depends on the area. Where we live age 7 or 8, assuming they are road safe. In our previous place probably not until age 11.
4. To drink alcohol - moderately in the home? What does moderately mean? Age 6 for a sip or two - mos hate alcohol at that age anyway. Age 8 or above for a watered-down glass of wine with a meal once a week is the usual age in some countries; our older ones still hate alcohol, so not currently under debate.
5. To walk themselves to school? Age 9-10 for responsible children here; without roads and walking with firends age 6-7.
6. To cook using the oven / hob? Under supervision? As young as 6, provided they have experience in the kitchen (mine have all started helping in the kitchen from age 2). Alone from age 10-11.

Mine started gaining independence in everything from about the age of 7/8. Until then they were always within my sight or hearing distance. After that we just built up their freedom (as they called it) as they became more confident and aware.

A lot depends on your child, your environment and your lifestyle. There isn't any hard and fast rule that we can all follow because of all the variables.

Absolutely no alcohol of their own until 16 though although they did have the occasional swig from our glasses before then.

A lot of it isn't really about what they are allowed to do, but that they were able to keep themselves safe and find a solution if things went wrong.

""4)18 be a parent not a cool mom""

There isn't any reason to wait until 18. When my youngest DD was going to start going out legally at 18, I said to her (at 17) to mix her drinks at home, so she could gage her tolerance.

There are very few Teens who don't do shots and then go on to drinks, on their 18th, I'd hate for my DD's to be out and have a bad reaction.

I'm 51, my DD's are all Adults, so our their friends, who all drank underage, at home. It doesn't have a bad effect on them.

My generation could get served in Pubs from around 14, we were all regular Pub Goers by 16. We got into less harm than the kids who had to drink in Parks etc.

Part of being a Parent is preparing your children for life.

Bath wander about from 3 completely depends on child. DD from 6 DS still don’t trust on own not to flood the room (likes to switch the taps on)

Be alone house/go out to play/walk to school Year 6 prep for high school

Drinking sips from 12 actual glasses 15/16

Use hob - DD has been helping me make scrambled eggs/stir fries and in particular cheese sauce since she was 7 always supervised though. Unsupervised again probably year 6

A lot of these are going to be things they need to do for high school so a lot of them need to be covered at age 10/11

"To drink alcohol - moderately in the home? Dunno what you mean really, I’ve really never got to the point where I can drink moderately with my parents so maybe 35? wink"

Yes, I've never drunk any alcohol at home with my parents.
They knew I drank a bit when out between 15 and 18, but I still wouldn't have drunk in front of them.
My DF did let my 12 year old brothers have a little sip of champagne for my GPs' anniversary, but that was obviously a special occasion.
I might drink in front of my parents at a restaurant now, but no more than a glass in front of my DF who's developed a very sanctimonious attitude in the last few years.

FatSally, all mine were from eight. But, I've known children that would get up to mischief (and put themselves in danger) if left in the house. So I can understand that.

When I was growing up, in the 70's, there were a lot of house fires when children were alone, but those children could be put out to play all day (as we all were).

1. Be left in the bath? MIne take showers on their own from about the age of 4. I tend to supervise bath time though, because it results in a HUGE mess. 6 07 with the door open should be fine though in theory if your kid isn't a pig like mine.

2. Be alone in the house? For how long? I leave my 7 year alone for up to 15-20 minutes at a time. For a few hours hours, maybe 9?

3. To go out on their own to play? Again, depends on your area. I couldn't safely let mine out as we live in town and it's heavily congested and no fucker can drive properly. When I lived in Germany children of 4 and up would happily play outside on their own.

4. To drink alcohol - moderately in the home? 16 ish. There's no proof that "moderate" home drinking curbs binge drinking. In fact, the most exposure at an earlier age the more likely to be an issue. I would never give a kid an alcopop either. Can't understand the mentality of giving children alcohol that tastes like sweeties. If they're old to have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner fine, but why disguise the taste so a 13 year old can drink it? bonkers.

5. To walk themselves to school? Depends on your area and roads. I think my 7 year old would be fine, but the school won't even consider it before 10 I think? Again, very British as it's common in lots of other countries from a much younger age.

6. To cook using the oven / hob? My 6 and 7 year old do a bit, but I'm not really happy for them to. I have a gas fire cooker and it scares th hit out of me. I'm always worried someone will catch fire. I'd be OK with it if we had an electric cooker.

"When I was growing up, in the 70's, there were a lot of house fires when children were alone, but those children could be put out to play all day (as we all were)."

I grew up in the 80s. We were all told how to put out a fire on the hob and warned every summer holidays about car accidents and farm accidents. Children from my school were killed by both.

My child is only 6, so some of these are guesses.

1. Be left in the bath? - Maybe 7 or 8? Definitely not now!
2. Be alone in the house? - Depends on what it means by 'alone'. For as long as it takes to walk to the bins to the road and back (~10 min), that'd be from 4 or so. For me actually going away - maybe 9? I was babysitting other kids at age 11.
3. To go out on their own to play? - again,where is "play"? I stopped closing the gate by the house around 5. But to actually walk to anywhere there might be other kids, probably 9.
4. To drink alcohol - moderately in the home? - really no clue here, as we don't drink. Not even sure what moderately could mean - a sip here and there, maybe 7 or 8? Actually having a drink with a meal, not until mid-teens.
5. To walk themselves to school? - About the same as playing out far away/being home alone - 9
6. To cook using the oven / hob? - If I turn it on and am standing right there, that would be 2. Our hob is very difficult to light, and I'm not sure she could actually light it until she's maybe 9--it takes a lot of finger strength. Maybe I'd let her turn on the over herself around 8?

Wow, this is really interesting. Thanks for posting OP, my DH and I also disagree on these things, but it's still a moot point mostly as DD is 22 months old. I'm generally much more risk averse than he is e.g. When he takes her to the playground he pushes her on the "big girl" swings, whereas I always put her in the baby ones.

1. I pop out of the room to get her nightie etc and have done since about 18months (because she sings in the bath non-stop!)

1. Id build up to this over time. DD potters around in and out of the house when I'm gardening. I assume as she gets older the amount of time when one of us is inside and one is outside will gradually get longer. If she's behaving appropriately alone for long periods of time I'd say it's appropriate to ask her how she feels and then just give it a go.

1. I wouldn't be sending her out to play if she wasn't safe at home alone! I'm astonished by how many say they can go out to play but not stay at home, I really don't get the logic behind that.

Haven't thought about the others yet! Will keep watching this thread with interest.

From distant memory:

1. 4
2. Depends how long for/ how far away you are - 7. Work day 2 miles away - 10.
3. 6 - Cul de sac.
4. Very orangey Buck’s Fizz - 6. Beer with adults - 14.
5. 8/9 - 15 minutes, residential roads.
6. My DS made an omelette for his little sister one morning when he was 8. I was asleep and woke to the smell of cooking eggs. We had to have a bit of a chat about rules/being independent etc but he was so sensible. He had told DD she was not allowed in the kitchen while hob was on, had washed his hands etc .....I had very independent children.

1. My eldest has been taking a bath mostly by herself since she was 4, with the door open and one of us in the other room next door. We can hear her so it's not like she's going to drown (if we don't here her, we check).

2. Mine has played alone inside since she was 4, with us outside, but actually probably left, I'd say closer to 10 ish, depending on the child. I was home alone all day by myself at 10 (single mum, no help with childcare) and did overnights on my own at 12. I was pretty responsible though. The worst thing that happened was that I dislocated my knee falling down the stairs when I was 12 on day 2 of 3 days by myself (mum on a work trip). I put some ice on it, elevated it and patiently waited until she came home the next day to take me to A&E (this was obviously pre-mobile phones, which is why I couldn't reach her).

3. Mine has played outside from 4, but we live at the end of a private lane and our nearest neighbours are about 1/4 mile away, so not much she can really get up to. I just check up on her if I don't hear her rummaging around for several minutes. Obviously wouldn't be that comfortable if we lived somewhere else.

4. 15/16. I definitely used to make my mum and I rum and cokes from about 14/15.

5. Depends on the distance and road. Our school is a 10 minute drive away, so not remotely possible, but I walked a mile to school and back each day when I was 12. If it was shorter, definitely earlier, depending on the kid.

6. Depends how responsible they are. I'm sure I did from probably 8 with some supervision. Obviously I was home alone all day from 10, so I must have been cooking. I remember going at 12 and doing the food shopping for the week when I stayed on my own. I never burnt anything down.

1Around 3yo when I knew (fro swimming) they could get their head under the water and get up again
2- 10ish for about 1h00 or so. Earlier for 10mins to go and pick up the milk
3- mines went outside like this quite early in. Maybe 7 yo ish?
4- alcohol- what do you mean moderately? A sip, my dcs tried a sip from about 8~10yo. They are now teens and at 13 and 14yo still won’t have more than half a glass of cider.
5- walk to school. Again it depends of where the school is! My dcs walked back from school on their own in y6. But it was more than 1 mile away but a couple of ‘big’ roads to cross.
If the school had been next door, from Y4 or Y5
6- cook using the hob and the over, from about 6yo, they’ve made their own porridge on the hob. Proper cooking took muuuuch longer (because it’s now seen as a chore so not keen on doing it!)

1. Be left in the bath? Obviously it depends on the child and their maturity/level of need but DS2 is 7 and I happily leave him in the bath while I tidy around upstairs.

2. Be alone in the house? Around 10 for short periods of time, now that DS1 is 12 and a half he stays for a couple of hours at a time and has his own key to let himself in from school. Fortunately we have brilliant neighbours around he could pop to if ever he felt worried.

3. To go out on their own to play? Again it depends where you live and the child in question but 8 or 9 for short periods building up trust.

4. To drink alcohol - moderately in the home? DS1 has an occasional sip or a shandy when we drink and has done for a few years. I think once they hit High School I'd rather they drank a small cider at home on an odd Saturday night than went our drinking 20/20 in bus stops like I did.

5. To walk themselves to school? DS1 walked with his best mate from Y5 onwards.

6. To cook using the oven / hob? It depends how well they've been taught but mine have been cooking and doing chores around the kitchen since they were very young so I'd trust the 12 year old to cook himself a jacket potato or warm something up in the oven with no supervision. He cooks one meal a week for the whole family and whilst I'm in the kitchen I'm usually marking or planning rather than supervising. 12 is old enough to know what to do with most kitchen items.

1. Be left in the bath? 4/5 with regular checks however at that age they tend to be pretty noisy, it's if they are quiet it's time to worry!
2. Be alone in the house? 11/12
3. To go out on their own to play? 6/7 but I currently live in a rather safe area where a lot of children play out however they must stay close by and together at all times too.
4. To drink alcohol - moderately in the home? 16 but much younger on special occasions.
5. To walk themselves to school? Depends how far school is if it's down the road 6/7 but it would be more likely 9 if any further than that.
6. To cook using the oven / hob? 8 with supervision and 10/11 without as i would expect them to call out if they needed assistance.

My DS is only 1, so I don't need to worry about this stuff for a while yet but every child is different and that may be suitable for one may not be for another.

I think the alcohol question is going to be massively different between UK and US posters.
A 13 year old being allowed a shandy at a Christmas meal for a treat isn't that unusual in the UK, in the us it would be shocking.

I think the playing out/left at home discrepancy is because playing out suggests you are still at hand/near-by/popping out to check every so often. Where as left at home suggests you’re not to hand if something goes wrong.