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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want a second child?

7 replies

Sj1239 · 07/07/2018 07:11

So we currently have an 18 mo girl and I always said even before we had a baby that I wanted two babies. If I was going to have one I wanted to have another! I just knew I wanted that sibling connection. I probably would have been happy to start trying sometime next year for our second, or early the year after if not. Recently things have happened and me and my fiancé both lost our jobs, however we have both got new jobs, and are finically a lot better off than with our first.

My fiancé’s job also has a 4 year degree alongside it, an amazing opportunity, that he never thought he’d get. He’s now saying he doesn’t want another baby for at least 4 years if ever.

I can see where he’s coming from but I can’t shake that feeling that I wanted one a lot sooner, our child will be 5 1/2 by the time he may be open to having a second. At first he said he point blank doesn’t want more, and said ‘I’ll have to find someone else’ if I do. He later apologised for that but now my head is a mess.

AIBU?? I think I may be but I can’t help the way I feel.

OP posts:
Tobebythesea · 07/07/2018 07:56

AIBU. He is not having a discussion but a saying a flat no and that’s not fair.

Tobebythesea · 07/07/2018 07:58

Would you leave him as he’s suggesting? Resentment is toxic and just builds and builds.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 07/07/2018 09:18

He can just say no, nobody should ever be forced into having a child they don't want. The person who doesn't want one has the final say. No chid deserves to be brought into the world unwanted or coerced.

Your post is all about your wants and dismissive of his. He wants to focus on his career so that he can give his existing child a decent life. Good for him.

If having another child is more important to you than him and your existing one then leave.

thecatsarecrazy · 07/07/2018 09:22

Yanbu. If my dh said no more after my 1st i would be gutted. I have 3 children first 2 have 2 year gap but then 8 years between 2 and 3. Im sad he won't have a sibling his own age but health reasons have stopped us having another

FatSally · 07/07/2018 09:31

the cats nearly the same here. Mine are 10, 8 and 1 but its finances that will stop us having another and I do feel sad that ds3 won't have a close sibling. I wish we'd pushed things a bit more and tried for dc3 5 years sooner tbh.

Sj1239 · 07/07/2018 12:49

No never, i think that’s why I was so shocked he said it! We have a really good relationship.

OP posts:
Amanduh · 07/07/2018 14:31

You’re entitled to want one. He’s entitled to not. He is entirely reasonable to give a flat out no!

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