to want one night off!??

[woodenbox]

my son is 13 weeks old and I am on maternity leave. husband works full time. I do all of the night wakings but am very tired recently. I asked him to do one night this weekend, which he seemed to agree too. when I reminded him tonight he has had a strop and said he wish he'd have known earlier as he would have gone to bed earlier.

Also during our 'discussion' he said that he feels I should generally do all the nights as I am the primary caregiver and he needs the weekend to recover from work. when I asked when I get to recover he said I can nap when the baby naps.

aibu to be raging right now?

Sounds pretty normal to me.

YANBU he’s a dick. My husband worked all week but did the night shifts and some weekday nights if I needed him to. It’s bloody tough at that age and you need enough rest to safely look after a baby.

Sorry meant to say did the nights with the baby on the weekend

hmm i think he could do either a sat/sunday that seems reasonable

be prepared for a screaming baby as if he agrees he wont "hear"the baby,so be prepared for that

YANBU. But it does sound normal (though not ok). Men generally get to return to their normal lives/hobbies/sleep patterns while we become round the clock caregivers.

And as @flopsyrabbit1 said be prepared to wake up to your baby crying and have to actively wake up your DP to do his bit. He won't be used to actually having to tend to his child in the night as you've been doing it all until now.

Right. This could be a slippery slope (for you).

How did your husband 'recover' from work before you had a baby?

Nice meal, some wine and a shag?

Yeah, wise up buddy, those days are gone for the time being.

Caring for a small baby 24/7 will knacker you out beyond belief.

Work does not equate to this. I can say this, because I work, and have done since my babies were small. Let me tell you that work is A BREAK.

Children are wonderful and gorgeous but the sheer workload involved in taking care of them, entertaining them, trying to keep the house from turning into a total pigsty (sorry pigs, that's not a slur), is absolutely exhausting.

Remember that your husband has ALWAYS had a job since you met, this is something he is used to. And I'm guessing he never moaned before.

YOU BOTH have an added an extra responsibility in your life now. You both need to make changes for this. Your husband can't just carry as normal and leave you with the drudgery the whole time.

Yes, it's really hard work, and you'll need to work harder, but so should he. Fairs fair. He can't just continue his pre-kids life just because he goes to work.

One day a week for you to have an extra hours sleep is entirely reasonable I think.

Your husband is a dick. He basically doesn't care if you're exhausted. As long as he's ok and gets to "recover" all weekend, that's all he cares about. Why should he work 5 days while you work 7 days (and nights)? YANBU for expecting him to take a turn at looking after his own child. Unfortunately as pp have said he will probably "not hear" the baby and prioritise his sleep over his child's welfare. So you can't have a night off anyway because you'll have to supervise him to make sure he provides adequate care (and probably take over when he fails to do so). If you're having to beg him to do any parenting it's unlikely to end well.

You don't want a nap, with an ear out for the baby.
You want a sleep, a chance to catch up and knowing someone will be looking after your baby.

I’m on mat leave currently. I do the majority of night wakings but he regularly does the weekends and will do any during the week if I am tired/out etc.

DH says being tired at work is easier than being tired at home with the baby and I agree.

YANBU.

He's a dick! He's working what 40-50 hours, getting a full nights sleep every night and a lunch break every day minimum?

Yet you're expected to be 'on duty' at least 100 hours waking a week, not getting even ONE night off a week? Tell him to get tae fuck!

Is he doing ANYTHING useful at home? What was he like before you got pregnant?

And maybe send him this:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ezDfo8DSnQs

Frankly I'd be waking him EVERY time the baby wakes from now on - until he gets it and steps up!

Why can't he get up with the baby tonight and then 'nap when the baby naps' tomorrow?

@DoJo

Great comment.