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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the teacher?

26 replies

Mrsblackforrestgateaux · 06/07/2018 22:18

So my DD is in reception atm due to go into Y1 in September and she has come home tonight with a letter stating her new teachers name and that her best friends have been put in the other class. She is devastated that her 2 best friends are in the other class and she hasn't really got any friends in her new class. She has been really upset about this. Usually the split the class by oldest/youngest but this time they haven't done this as she is with some of the oldest and youngest. At the last patents evening they did say tgey take into consideration friendship groups when putting into classes. So AIBU to speak to the teacher and ask what is going on and why she's been split up from her friends. It's a huge change going into Y1 alone but adding that she's been split up from her friends is just not on. I feel really sad for her.

OP posts:
Anotherwickintheball · 06/07/2018 22:18

Yes, definitely.

OwlinaTree · 06/07/2018 22:20

Have they given you a list of who is in the class?

Singlebutmarried · 06/07/2018 22:21

Chances are they’ll still mix for phonics and maths.

They did this at DDs old school and worked quite well as the kids all gotnto mix that bit more.

TeenTimesTwo · 06/07/2018 22:23

They will have put a lot of thought into it.
Explain that she can still see her friends at break and lunch, and now she has the chance to make new friends too.
Be positive.

seven201 · 06/07/2018 22:24

You can raise your concerns. It may be that someone from the other class wants to swap too. But it may well be they can't change anything now. Be polite.

Original poster
Mrsblackforrestgateaux · 06/07/2018 22:28

The other class will be a mix of y1&2 so they don't mix other than playtime. We haven't got a list but all the mum's iv spoken too are all boys and are in my DD new class. It is a very boy orientated year and currently in the reception class of 21 only 6 are girls.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 06/07/2018 22:29

If you want a chat tp get reassurance then I'd say call.
If you're calling because you want them to be with their friends then you're probably a bit unreasonable.
Children are generally very resilient. You see children upset about leaving one school and within a few weeka at new school it's like their old friends weren't the centre of their life. Children pick up on the energy of adults' energy (think toddler falls, when adulta act dramatic thry get more upset because they see signs to be worried vs adult says oopsie daisy and picks them up probably worries them less).
Instead of showinf your sadness and worry, why not talk about how she will still see her friends and has a great opportunity to meet even more children and make more friends

masktaster · 06/07/2018 22:29

What do you know about the friendship dynamic? Could it be that DD thinks of these children as her best friends, but actually she's on the periphery, so it's either not a friendship group on the teacher's radar, or the teachers have put her with a similarly "lost soul" to try and buddy them up together? Could these other children not actually be a healthy friendship for DD?

There will be a lot of thought in this decision, and sometimes mistakes happen, and sometimes tough decisions have to be made to split friends.

As PP have said, do frame it positively for her - she will still see these friends, she'll be in a class full of people to make friends with who she might not even have thought to play with before, etc, but do have a word with the teacher and just see if any light can be shed - could even be that there's a third friend that DD has forgotten about because she's poorly/on holiday/etc that's in her new class with her.

missymayhemsmum · 06/07/2018 22:32

You can ask, but there may well be good reasons. Your dd will still see her friends and make new ones. Don't reinforce her upset or tell her the reasons or let her think you can do anything about it. 'I know you'll miss df and df but you'll have lots of friends in the class and Mrs teacher is really nice. You'll be fine' is the way to go here. Reassure and make it clear you expect her to be fine. Invite some of the kids she knows a bit and will be in the class with to play.

masktaster · 06/07/2018 22:34

Xpost.

A mixed y1/2 class will be a nice opportunity for her to make friends she wouldn't even have considered in reception, because she wouldn't have known them!

With only 6 girls in the year, it probably was an even tougher call with where to place them - they obviously couldn't all be in the same class.

Even when there's not mixed classes, y1 and 2 often mix up for lessons in my experience of KS1 (as a TA) - same goes for 3/4 and 5/6.

Cheby · 06/07/2018 22:35

Definitely go and ask. We have a split year group and they do ours on academic ability. It’s not a good way to do it. Also they promised they take friendship groups into account but I can clearly see that they haven’t.

Original poster
Mrsblackforrestgateaux · 06/07/2018 22:36

DD is best friends with 2 of the girls one of which she goes dancing with and sees outside of school atm. The otger girl she went to nursery with and was friends tgere too. They are very much a 3some. I just can't understand the reasoning behind the split at all. Previous years they have taken the 15 oldest and put into the Y1&2 class and the other 30 into the Y1 class but it's totally mixed this year

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsblackforrestgateaux · 06/07/2018 22:39

Sorry there's not just 6 girls in reception. Just DD reception class tgere is also another reception class too. It's not even gone off ability this year as DD is slightly advanced for her age but the class she has been put in has lots of children who need extra supoort.

OP posts:
AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 06/07/2018 22:41

They will have put a lot of thought into it

I'm sure they did. And chances are they won't budge. This happened to DD - the next school year it was like a bomb had gone off in her social life. 3 years later she is still recovering socially. I wish I had been more persistent in asking the school to reconsider. Many factors went into the decision to split her from her friends but in our case I don't think DD's interests were at the top of the list.

Original poster
Mrsblackforrestgateaux · 06/07/2018 22:42

That's what I'm worried about and at the minute it seems like no consideration has gone into it.

OP posts:
Scabetty · 06/07/2018 22:44

This happened to ds and we were both upset at the time. He made new friends almost immediately and it was probably a good decision by the school in the long term.

burblife · 06/07/2018 22:45

They will have looked at it very carefully. Some possible reasons for your daughter being where she is...
Ability mix of classes
Even spread of children with SEND
Even spread of pupil premium children
Clash of personalities
Chance for DD to make new friends/ be less influenced by certain children
DD likely to respond better to particular teacher

Speak to the teacher to see what reasons they can give but I agree with pp - if you make a big deal out of it and give negative opinions on the matter your DD will pick up on it. Try to be positive about the change. It might be the best thing for her.

BewareOfDragons · 06/07/2018 22:45

Our school has 'best friends' in the same classes in Reception that I have no doubt they will be splitting up for Year 1 because they behave so horribly when they're together.

bakedlikeabun · 06/07/2018 22:48

Speak to them. In the meantime try to sound positive as it will rub off on her if you're not. It may be that there are children she plays with in class who you don't know about who will be in the new class. But in general there should be at least one friend moving forward in a new class.

manicinsomniac · 06/07/2018 22:49

No harm in asking politely.

Where I work parents often request changes to forms, sets, tutors etc. They quite often get what they are asking for (private school though which has an impact - 'paying for a service' blah di blah, etc).

Even if it's a no, at least they will know that your daughter is upset about her class and keep an eye on her.

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/07/2018 22:52

This can be quite strategic, 3s are often split up if one is a negative influence on the other two (chatty/distracting) etc. or if it’s felt that one child would grow in confidence without the others. I wouldn’t worry. She will make new friends quickly.

Lougle · 06/07/2018 23:02

I imagine it's quite deliberate, and it will be with her best interests at heart. DD3 was split from her best friend in Y1 because they were such good friends that they were a distraction to each other. They could still see each other outside of class, but by being in the opposite classes, that distraction would be gone. As it happens, DD3 moved school a few weeks later, and now, 4 years on, the girls are still thick as thieves whenever they see each other - it doesn't matter if it's been a few months or a year, they fall back on with each other as if they've never been apart.

MidniteScribbler · 06/07/2018 23:56

Sometimes best friends in a class is not a good thing. I moved up with my grade this year, and deliberately split up two girls who had been in my class last year. They were joined at the hip, spent all of their time together, and their families were cousins so spent all of their time outside of school together. It has been the best thing for them. Whilst they are still good friends, they have widened their friendship circles, get a lot more work done and have dramatically improved their English.

Alexandrite · 07/07/2018 11:14

This happened to dd (now year 6) 8 girls she got on well with were put in the other class. (There were no behaviour or other issues with them) Lots of best friends were kept together. She was sad the first half term of year 1 and i spoke to the teacher about it. A new girl joined who she made friends with and things improved. Things got better and better and she has loads of friends now and loves school. It did make the beginning of year 1 hard for her though

Amaried · 07/07/2018 18:49

Our school mixes groups each year and purposely breaks 'too' close groups. They don't accommodate requests for changes as they say if they do one. They'd have to do them all. You can ask but I'd prepare yourself for a refusal