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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my exp and I being unreasonable in letting our 3 1/2 year old dd help.

16 replies

saphira1308 · 06/07/2018 21:23

My exp had a stoma operation last august and our dd has been helping when he changes the stoma bag, we don't let her touch old bag but she likes holding the new stoma bag taking the backing of and handing it to her dad to put over his stoma and she likes giving the new stoma bag a pat to make sure its on properly and we always make sure she washes her hands afterwards are we being unreasonable to let her help and what are peoples thoughts on it.

OP posts:
Imustbemad00 · 06/07/2018 21:26

I had a stoma and I guess it’s good to teach her about it and for her to learn everybody is different and that’s ok. Don’t know if of let my kids help, not because of hygiene but more because I’m squeamish and wasn’t that comfortable with it myself. Maybe if I’d had those life lessons and experiences at a young age, I would of been....

NewYearNewMe18 · 06/07/2018 21:27

Not an issue with that at all. It is important children see illness and diversity from a young age, then it's normalised isn't it, not out of the ordinary.

Has someone said something different?

TeenTimesTwo · 06/07/2018 21:27

I think it is fine, you are 'normalising' the stoma for her rather than treating it as something to hide / be ashamed/sensitive about.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 06/07/2018 21:28

It’s fine, she is curious and wants to help. I think it’s good to be open about it with her and let her help. She may become a doctor one day :)

Allthewaves · 06/07/2018 21:30

I think it's fine. Naturally she is curious and neither if you are making a big deal - just treating as part of her dad's life which is great

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2018 21:31

I think it’s realky good to help children understand things like this exist and not be squeamish. I see no problem at all.

She sounds very kind.

Sleeplessmeanderer · 06/07/2018 21:33

I think it makes sense too, can’t see a problem with this.

pury · 06/07/2018 21:38

I think it's fine it's exactly the way my 3 and half year old dd would be

Original poster
saphira1308 · 06/07/2018 21:39

Imustbemad00, when exp came out of hospital he wouldn't let her see it when dressings being changed to start of with but she loves helping, she finds it funny and giggles when it makes a noise. Exp
is still getting used to it and is uncomfortable of people seeing it when where out.

OP posts:
Original poster
saphira1308 · 06/07/2018 21:49

Allthewaves dd dad is waiting to see surgeon soon to see about it being reversed.
Merryoldgoat thank you dd can be a very nice little girl, she always loves helping doing things to help us whether its at mine or my exp house.
Thank you everyone we both was interested in what other people thought and I know that there is kids that have stomas and we both would prefer that our dd knows its normal.

OP posts:
RepealRepealRepeal · 06/07/2018 21:55

I think that's lovely. And it is normal, but it's also a hidden disability, which is something more people need to be aware of.

As for your ex, if he hasn't already joined, there's a few stoma support groups on Facebook, and various products that may help him feel a bit more secure about it - belts, specialist underwear, and bag covers. It's a lovely group, well moderated, and there's always someone to give advice.

Original poster
saphira1308 · 06/07/2018 22:02

Thank you RepealRepealRepeal he has joined a stoma group, he is comfortable taking dd swimming as he wears a special top and he got some of the under wear to cover the stoma bag.

OP posts:
Imustbemad00 · 06/07/2018 22:20

Thinking back, I think my daughter quite liked mine too. She was a similar age. But I did feel like it was something to hide ☹️

Hope your exp is well. I had a reversal and I’m doing great.

DoJo · 06/07/2018 22:23

I think it's great - when I had gestational diabetes, my son helped me test my blood and loved getting the machine ready and reading the numbers for me. I think it helped him as he was aware that I was going to the hospital a lot, so knowing what I was there for and that it wasn't really that scary reassured him that everything was ok.

Original poster
saphira1308 · 06/07/2018 22:47

Imustbemad00 he is very well thank you, like you he feels like it is something to hide as he thinks if people know they will treat him differently. He has got an appointment in september with his surgeon to go through if he can have reverse or not. It is a shame that not many people know about stomas and when dd gets old enough we will tell her why her dad had a stoma as she doesnt understand at moment.

OP posts:
PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 06/07/2018 23:08

At first I thought no but actually on reflection I think it's a good thing. It's not upsetting or unhygienic for her. She's helping with a basic medical task, seeing that these things can be just part of everyday life and not a big problem or anything to hide away.

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