Swearing....

[GumWouldBePerfection]

NCd as potentially outing.

I am a sweary person, so is DH. We have a 2 year old so trying to moderate our language.

Tonight we have had a huge row as DH was cross about something and said "fuck", I immediately told him to stop swearing and stated that I felt swearing in front of a child was a "bad parenting technique ".

He got upset and angry about this, he felt I was calling him a bad father - I wasn't, or at least I wasn't intending to.

Background - I grew up in a house where we just didn't swear growing up, in fact I only feel comfortable occasionally swearing around my parents now (I'm late 30s). DH grew up in a house where his parents did sometimes swear, but he knew they were naughty words and didn't repeat them at home or school, until he was old enough to make a conscious choice about swearing.

I'm feeling pretty upset by our argument, especially as we now aren't talking.

Who's right here? Do I need to apologise?

No one?

I think swearing is becoming unacceptable again.

You and DH need to have a chart to see who can swear the least in a week with the loser either paying for a meal out or doing the washing up. Just make it a light hearted competition between you.

I agree with you. I'm fairly sweary but don't like it around my children.

If he was already upset about something, it probably wasn't the best time to have a go about his swearing.

You both swear, it's not good in front of your child, neither is arguing in front of children. You need to sit down quietly and discuss what is really bothering You both. Neither of you are right . Maybe you could both think of other ways to express your frustrations.

I wouldn't have said bad parenting tbh I would have said I don't fancy going to toddler group with out 2 yr old shouting fuck.

Hmm... I think you were perhaps wrong to pull him up when you did, with the term ‘bad parenting technique’ I think you should’ve raised that once the initial argument was sorted.

But.... he has over reacted, it wasn’t that big a deal.

Depending on what the original disagreement was about, and whether that was settled.... I’d probably apologise for the swearing criticism and then explain my reasoning for it, he should then agree you were right in principle and apologise for over reacting.

In an ideal world! 😂

I swear occasionally in front of my kids and always have done. They still know not to swear and never have aged 3 and 8 so I am personally not bothered

The kids will hear it somewhere and people will always look to the parents anyway. Of course its good that you try not to say it in front of your dc but they will learn right from wrong as your dh did growing up.

I’m very sweaty, my kids hear me swear and I make a point of letting them know people are offended by those words and that they shouldn’t be spoken outside my home

I think it’s healthier for them to be taught it’s unacceptable to direct them at someone. If they suddenly hear them in school/etc as a novelty and find them amusing it’s far more likely they’ll repeat them

My children know swearing is a “thing” but that there are repercussions socially for doing so

I’m very sweary not sweaty

" I immediately told him to stop swearing"
Treat him like an adult and things might go better between you.

It's not a parenting technique to swear
You did basically tell him he was a bad parent.
I try and avoid swearing in front of the kids. It can slip out. Like when an idiot swerves in front of you and you think you're about to have a huge accident. And then you have to explain to the small child why you said that and that you shouldn't have!!

We tried not to swear, but have up. I can't swear in work, so it needs to come out somewhere. Kids know not to and won't be caught out when some little scrote tries to make them look.stupid by using swear words. I'm usually open.about why words are taboo and why people don't like them. It takes the mystique ( and fun) away: I'm not offended by swearing, so there's no point in try I.g it in front of me.

We never call each other names, but can have almighty rows which quickly fizzle out. I grew up in an alternative ly passive aggressive and shouts-rant house. The atmosphere was often tense and it was horrible. Our rows tend to be triggered by outside stress and often borne of frustration.

Does it really matter if you swear in front of a child? They will hear it at some point in their lives, just say that they should only use it when they are a grown up and that's that

I don't think either of you are very right or very wrong. If I were you I'd wait till you are both calm and have a chat about how you can compromise or avoid a situation like that in the future

I think YANBU but bringing up a parenting issue when you're in the middle of a row is bound to ruffle feathers.

If you regularly swear in front of kids you can't expect them not to come out with the same language at school which will get them in trouble.