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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

21 replies

Lorddenning1 · 06/07/2018 20:08

Ok so today is my DS birthday, he has been at school all day and we picked him up from school, treated him to a macdonalds and then went home (we are doing stuff with him tomorrow) so we get home and my OH brother comes round with a present, then my best friend and her fella comes round and her little one, we all chat nice and do happy birthday with a cake, after an hour my fella starts to get annoyed and starts sulking around and being quiet, I realise that it's because he has guest and he wants them to go home, after 30 mins they leave, I'm angry with my fella for behaving this way and how dare he act like that when people who love our son want to spend time with him on his birthday,,,,,,
His side is, he has been at work all week and wants to get home and spend some time with his kid who he hasn't seen all day, he planned to take him on the playing field with his new scooter and now that's ruined, even though iv said he can stay up past his bed time so he can take him, but he said that's not he point. I think he is Childest idiot but he doesn't agree,,,,
Who is right here???

OP posts:

InfiniteVariety · 06/07/2018 20:11

He does sounds childish. It's the weekend tomorrow - can't he take him out on his scooter then?

araiwa · 06/07/2018 20:12

Wow you are so amazing and he is a total shit

Is that what you want to hear?

Strongmummy · 06/07/2018 20:13

It doesn’t matter OP. It’s your son’s birthday. Don’t let his memory of it be of you two bickering over this

Strongmummy · 06/07/2018 20:14

@araiwa - you’ve had too much sun today. Give it a rest

Knittedfairies · 06/07/2018 20:16

I can see your partner’s point - he was looking forward to spending time with your son and his new scooter on his birthday and his plans were spoiled. He was a bit childish to be quite so obvious that he wanted your guests to leave though.

everythingelseisalreadytaken · 06/07/2018 20:17

Sometimes you're just not up to socialising . I agree by the rime you have children you should be able to put a face on and bear it out of politeness , but I wouldn't be angry that he was tired/grumpy.

Maybe annoyed that he couldn't just grin and bear it for 30 mins or so .

araiwa · 06/07/2018 20:18

Ok. He is right

Your friend is far down the list of who gets to spend time with ds on his birthday

Neverender · 06/07/2018 20:20

He's got the entire weekend. I don't see the issue.

Neverender · 06/07/2018 20:20

And sulking is deeply unattractive.

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 06/07/2018 20:21

Thanks @araiwa you are the best

OP posts:

cariadlet · 06/07/2018 20:24

I don't think anybody is right or wrong - you just had different ways of wanting to enjoy the evening.

While you were in MacDonald's did you talk about what you were going to do when you got home? Did your OH let you know that he wanted to take your son up to the playing field?

Were the people who turned up invited? Did they text or phone to check if you were in and were happy to have visitors?

If I read the OP correctly they turned up, your DP was ok at first but after an hour he got fed up and then they hung around for another half hour before going. If they'd turned up unexpectedly that seems a long visit and I can't blame your DP for being a bit pissed off. I totally understand his POV about being at work all day and having looked forward to seeing his son.

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 06/07/2018 20:24

That was my point he could of acted mature and grinned bared it until they went and then bitched about it later and he could take him tomorrow or any day of the week if he wanted to.
Sometimes I don't see stuff from his point of view so that's why I turned to mumsnet, I would normally my friend but obviously I can't in this situation

OP posts:

ferntwist · 06/07/2018 20:25

He’s being U. Lovely for friends and family to call round. DP has got the rest of the weekend to play with DS.

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 06/07/2018 20:29

@cariadlet his brother visiting was expected (he doesn't normally stay long either) friends visit was not planned. When in macdonalds he knew his brother was coming and mentioned he wanted to take him on the field and I mentioned we could all go and we could take the dogs, he was fine was that.
I think his issue was also my friends OH tries to befriend my OH and my fella really doesn't have much in common with him, as in he drinks and my OH doesn't, and he watches sport and my OH doesn't etc he is normally more polite but today he was very obvious

OP posts:

Applesandpears23 · 06/07/2018 20:36

You are both being a bit unreasonable. I generally arrange not to have visitors on my children’s actual birthdays because I like ro spend time just as a family. You should have made it clear to your friend that you had plans and it should just be a short visit and your partner was pissed off for a reason but he could have communicated that he’d like them to leave more politely.

Iceweasel · 06/07/2018 20:36

I think he had a point. Your best friend's child, are they a good friend of your child? Or were the guests more there for you? On a birthday I think close family and friends of your child are who should get to spend time with him. So his dad should come before your friend.

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 06/07/2018 20:40

I have two DS, my youngest and her DS are the same age, she sees my kids all the time and has seen them at every birthday, she normally is the only one, family wait until the weekend.

OP posts:

cariadlet · 06/07/2018 20:47

If your friend's visit wasn't planned and she sees your kids all the time then it was hardly essential for her to stay so long.

I think that when she turned up it would have been better for you to say that it was lovely to see her, to invite her in for a cup of tea and a piece of cake but to make it clear from the outset that it would have to be a brief visit as you had plans.

Going up the field with your OH's brother and the dogs sounds a lovely plan. It seems a shame that the lengthy visit by your friend (who you see frequently) messed this up.

Iceweasel · 06/07/2018 21:25

I agree that the friend's visit may have ruined his plans. Does she normally bring her partner? It sounds like him tagging along may have made things worse.

If it had just been your friend, I would have suggested that we all go to the playing field and she could catch up with you while your partner and his brother try out the new scooter with your son.

WhiteWalkerWife · 06/07/2018 23:27

I agree with cariadlet and Iceweasel. I also wonder if your husband isn't uncomfortable with the forcing to befriend the OH. If you see them a lot and they just drop by like this, then perhaps he finds it intrusive and them hard work?

youknowwherethecityis · 06/07/2018 23:43

I think the friend was a bit unreasonable. Who turns up uninvited on someone's birthday and stays that long?

And if it was obvious you OH was unhappy why on earth did they stay another 30 mins?

I think your OH is being childish but he is his father and should take precedence in spending time with DS on his birthday over some friends.

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