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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Manners don’t cost a thing?

48 replies

awomensworkisneverdone · 06/07/2018 19:33

So grabbed a few bits at my local b&m today and left incredibly upset and a little annoyed. Usually the staff are super friendly and lovely but unfortunately I was served by the most rudest woman Iv ever met!
When I was next I noticed she didn’t greet me even though I said hi.
She then began to scan my items very quickly pretty much throwing them at me 😳 and then finally spoke no eye contact “14.53”
I have her my money.
She then slammed the till gave me my change and turned away.
I mean bloody hell I know it’s hot and the end of the day but really?
I then asked if staff would usually use manners or a Thankyou or any kind of engagement with the person spending their money in the shop that your representing? She then replied VERY sarcastically
“ oh I’m sorry Thankyou very very much” I said wow and left
But Na... I felt like I had to go back in. I asked the cashier to please call for a manager which she did.

And then told the manager in front of customers and me
“”SHE would like to make a complaint about me whilst smiling”
I told the manager. But of course he just shrugged it off. And I left
Now I’m not all smiles and rainbows but this woman was extremely rude ! And should not be working in retail as far as I’m concerned!
What’s happened to manners ?
They just don’t exists.
Awful customer service ! I won’t be using this branch again.
Aibu to think there is no such thing as manners anymore?

OP posts:

TerfsUp · 06/07/2018 20:22

No offence but this women did not have special needs.

And you know that how, exactly? I have autism and - here's a surprise - I look like everyone else. That are you are able to discern her capabilities on a very passing acquaintance is amazing.

HairDyedPink · 06/07/2018 20:22

No, it's not ok to be rude, but unless she insulted you, it's over the top to go to the manager.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/07/2018 20:23

Once again good old mumsnet goes beyond the joke with the support. (tongue in cheek obvs)
Take no notice op. You're not over reacting.
There are far too many people with impeccable manners on the dole for there to be rude shit heads working with the public. The manager probably didn't say anything to her because dicks don't suck themselves, do they. I'm sure you get my meaning.
Oh and take your custom elsewhere.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 06/07/2018 20:24

One thing that caught my attention, "it was the end of the day". Please tell me you are not one of those rude people that swans into a shop at closing time and keeps everyone back? If it was that close to the end of the day maybe that was the reason she was less than delighted to deal with you? Just a thought!

TerfsUp · 06/07/2018 20:25

Oh dear lord grin gotta love Mumsnet.

Yes. Particularly when it goes like this:

OP: AIBU?
MN: Yes. You are.
OP: No, I'm not. MN is horrible.

dementedma · 06/07/2018 20:25

yanbu

TerfsUp · 06/07/2018 20:26

No, it's not ok to be rude, but unless she insulted you, it's over the top to go to the manager.

Yes. Doing so was rude.

PunkrockerGirl59 · 06/07/2018 20:26

Don't be ridiculous red
It doesn't matter what's going on in your life, if you work in a customer facing role you leave it at home and crack on with the job you're being paid to do.
If I'm paying for something in a shop, any shop I expect a bit of eye contact and politeness. If there is so much stuff going on in their lives that they are struggling to manage that then a customer facing role is clearly not for them.
Try being a nurse and having to plaster a smile on whilst dealing with challenging patients and their arsehole relatives. It's bloody hard but it's what the organisation pays me to do so I do it, regardless of what's going on in my personal life.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 06/07/2018 20:27

My ds has ASD and works on the till at B&M. I would not expect him to be rude like this and if this person does have poor social skills then it might be more appropriate if she was moved to replenishment rather than tills. YABU stating she had no special needs, diagnosing something like ASD is a long process which you could not possibly do in a moment like this.

ems137 · 06/07/2018 20:28

YANBU. Absolutely no need for her to be so rude. I worked in retail for 15 years, went through a divorce, several miscarriages, was cheated on and had to sell my house, none of which made me be rude and sarcastic to customers.

glintandglide · 06/07/2018 20:29

I’d be annoyed too OP tbh. That sort of thing is really enraging. I’m not quite sure why people should be expecting someone not capable of performing a customer facing role to be doing it just because it’s B&M?

McDonald’s is a hugely supportive employer of people with additional needs and famed for their brilliant customer service

HairDyedPink · 06/07/2018 20:33

Try being a nurse and having to plaster a smile on whilst dealing with challenging patients and their arsehole relatives

I have the utmost respect for nurses, but I have met some very unpleasant characters and definitively not smiling ones in my time! (wouldn't occur to me to report them for that, I never thought hospital were a social club)

Strugglingtodomybest · 06/07/2018 20:35

She was slightly rude and you over reacted imo. Like pp's have said, simply imagine that that person is having a shit time of it and it'll make you less stressed.

Original poster

awomensworkisneverdone · 06/07/2018 20:36

All those saying she may be having a bad day,well what about me? I’m in the heat too, Iv been working all day too. Like most I have stress in my life and personal things to deal with. But at work I’m professional as I’m paid to be what I’m supposed to be an supposed to do even if I don’t particularly feel like it. But I would never be rude to someone I even had the other customers stuff being thrown down the silver slope at me as she dismissed me immediately and started with the next customer before I even finished bagging the bloody dog food!
But quick enough to sarcastically say “ oh I’m very very sorry Thankyou so much “
Rude!

OP posts:

SoddingUnicorns · 06/07/2018 20:38

But I would never be rude to someone

No, just publicly humiliate them because they didn’t behave in the manner you demanded.

Oh and disabilities aren’t always visible, whether they apply in this case or not is irrelevant, so for that alone you’re unreasonable.

What about you? I couldn’t give a shit, I don’t have any empathy for someone who would humiliate a member of retail staff for their own enjoyment or satisfaction.

sailorcherries · 06/07/2018 20:41

You complain that she was rude but you were equally so before leaving (the first time, not after you complained). You lose moral high ground when you yourself act like a knob.

ShawshanksRedemption · 06/07/2018 20:43

Having a LD does not make one rude, and I just want to point that out! It can be an issue for some people, yes, but it doesn't mean they will do.

There is no way to tell if the girl on the till had a LD. If she does, and has a problem dealing with the public, then it would be unfair of an employer to put them in that position as it could cause anxiety, especially if someone complains about them.

OP I think the way you handled it was over the top, by wanting to see a manager there and then and have the girl serving you listen in to your complaint. That's not very professional of the manager, who should have taken you to a quiet area away from customers and workers and dealt with your complaint properly.

TerfsUp · 06/07/2018 21:01

You lose moral high ground when you yourself act like a knob.

Well put.

TerfsUp · 06/07/2018 21:03

I cannot imagine leading a petty life in which someone not making eye contact or saying "thank you" is grounds for complaining to a manager and then complaining on social media.

Next step: naming and shaming on Twitter.

RebelRogue · 06/07/2018 21:07

Read the full thread but still baffled as to why you care so much?

donquixotedelamancha · 06/07/2018 21:21

But Na... I felt like I had to go back in. I asked the cashier to please call for a manager which she did.

Have you considered going on the Jeremy Kyle show? You'd be perfect?

I won’t be using this branch again.

I bet they are distraught.

Iv worked in retail as a teen and wouldn’t dream of being so rude. I wasn’t bought up to be that way.

OK, surely this must be a joke? Nobody can be this blind to irony.

JaneJeffer · 06/07/2018 21:25

YANBU I can't stand bad manners. You are a customer spending money which keeps her employed.

UKcanuck · 06/07/2018 21:25

OP, I hear you. I have often been upset by things like this too. It sounds like the shop assistant was rude, and lacking the soft skills that should be part of her role.

BUT

You overreacted. You could have just tutted to yourself and had an inner comment about deteriorating manners, even gone home and complained to your family about how it made you feel. But complaining to the woman's manager in front of her is not going to lead to a change in her behaviour. I would have left it till the next day and if you were still fuming, drop a note to the complaints team. There was no point in doing it then and there, tempting though it was: she was unlikely to have an epiphany and change her entire demeanour in that moment when she clearly didn't see there was an issue with her behaviour. You lost any moral high ground by making it a public showing that you hoped would be a shaming.

So no winners here. She was rude, and you over-reacted. We all do both of these things sometimes, it's just poor timing that they both happened in the same interaction.

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