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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my friend would stop texting me all the time

66 replies

Leavemealoneplease · 06/07/2018 16:07

She is on maternity leave and I guess she’s bored but honestly it’s constant and such banal stuff. She asks me questions and then makes ridiculous comments in reply.

I’m just finding it exhausting.

OP posts:
comedycentral · 06/07/2018 21:58

Maternity leave can be so isolating and lonely. Does she have any mums and tots groups close by? Could you gently encourage her to get involved with that sort of thing so she can hopefully make some other friends too.

findthegap · 06/07/2018 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

witchofzog · 06/07/2018 22:02

Context is definitely needed. She is probably bored and lonely though and seeking a bit of adult contact (no matter how banal or stupid Hmm)

Justtheonequestion · 06/07/2018 22:03

So tell her instead of bitching about it on mumsnet.

Justanotheruser01 · 07/07/2018 11:45

My dad did this when he retired, he seemed to loose any understanding of a working day, he would text me something about something in 3 weeks an hour later a follow up an hour later a follow up phone call which paniced me at first as he never rang during the day then id get 3 missed calls!? Another trick though the important stuff which i would have replied to at work just got mentioned in passing. I just think they loose any idea of a working day

parkermoppy · 07/07/2018 12:30

i doubt she's doing it to purposefully annoy you, so maybe just tell her you are busy, and leave long gaps in replying. As PP said, perhaps tell her about mumsnet and maybe she can get involved here. It is likely she is just feeling a little isolated but I would be glad that she is talking to you. So many people are lonely or down nowadays and don't reach out to people and we tell people to reach out - that is what she is doing so don't be harsh on her, she probably doesn't realise she is annoying you

SparkyTheCat · 07/07/2018 17:33

Agree with PP about leaving longer gaps between replies.

Also signal your availability: 'have a good weekend, will be in touch again Monday.' Or whatever. Drawing a boundary whilst reassuring them you'll be back.

The above has worked well for me with similarly needy friends.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/07/2018 17:36

How often OP? What sort of stuff?

Justtheonequestion · 07/07/2018 19:05

Agree with PP about leaving longer gaps between replies.
I'd rather you told me I was annoying you by texting, rather than a passive aggressive approach such as this. Why is it so hard to be honest?
The 'talk again monday' is much more appropriate however.
Honestly, I'd hate to think someone was feeling like this about my texts. That's all they are-texts. It's not like turning up at someone's house unannounced.

Ivorbig1 · 07/07/2018 19:10

Wow you don’t sound like a thoughtful friend.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/07/2018 19:28

No one wants to sit on a phone all day sending text messages. It's the most boring thing in the world and time consuming thinking of what to say.
That's not being a bad friend. That's just life

Sparklesocks · 07/07/2018 19:42

Is she maybe feeling a bit isolated/lonely on Mat leave not talking to other adults much, and this is how she’s reaching out?

zzzzz · 07/07/2018 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

andadietcoke · 07/07/2018 19:49

I have a friend who used to be like this. He was going through a tough time (as your friend may well be post-natally). He eventually accused me of being mono-syllabic and I went through and counted the number of replies I'd sent that day. 98. I've sorted out by turning off notifications so I only reply when I want to not because I feel I have to. It's made a world of difference. I told him this was what I was doing too to manage expectations about speed of reply.

happyfrown · 07/07/2018 20:13

if you were my friend id rather you be honest and tell me to cut back on texts. id hate to think I was a subject on mumsnet for messaging a friend.
I don't know many people I have 2 friends to bother call on, so on low lonely days I can see my friend then call or text later but she will ignore. BUT we have a great friendship that I know when she doesn't answer the phone im being a pest lol shes told me before she'd get back to me when shes free. where she was watching a film with family, had guest, out with family or just wanted to chill and cant be arsed to converse lol im absolutely fine with it.

Justtheonequestion · 07/07/2018 20:17

Views like this about maternity leave and the needs of women are why PND exists. Then they tell you to seek support from your friends.

Kind of conflicting if your friends only get annoyed.

I bet if she stopped texting you'd never text her for anything and it would drift.

specialsubject · 07/07/2018 20:22

it is a text. can be ignored or answered a week later.

or just put your phone down or turn it off if you arent using it.

BlueAir · 07/07/2018 20:24

OP has definitely got the knack of leaving a long gap before replying. Grin

Original poster
Leavemealoneplease · 07/07/2018 21:15

No I was being an over tired, hot irritable twat and felt bad. Sorry Blush

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 07/07/2018 21:23

I have a work collegue who has become like this. She is half my age, and child free, yet texts me sometimes 30/40 times a day. I do enjoy conversing with her but sometimes it just feels suffocating as she seems to have no concept of how busy life is with 4 kids. She texts me in the evening asking what I am up to and then when I say I am up to my neck in ironing/ doing packed lunches/ walking the dog I feel bad as she is always up to something exciting .

gamerchick · 07/07/2018 21:24

So tell her instead of bitching about it on mumsnet

Or introduce her to mumsnet. Should keep her occupied.

Strugglingtodomybest · 08/07/2018 07:20

Hope you're feeling better today OP Grin

barleyfive · 08/07/2018 07:29

Be honest with her, but please check she is okay; it can be a lonely time and perhaps it is her way of reaching out or getting some comfort. Just explain that you are always there for her, but you aren't able to always text back.

FrozenMargarita17 · 08/07/2018 07:54

I definitely did this when I had PND :(

LyndseyKola · 08/07/2018 08:06

I bet if she stopped texting you'd never text her for anything and it would drift.

This is what would happen for me if the friend I have who does this stopped texting. Cos he’s ruined the friendship by grabbing onto me harder and harder and never allowing me space to breathe or miss him or want to get in touch. So I’ve distanced myself a lot. And when he gets the hint and finally stops hassling me constantly I’m just so relieved to not be bombarded all day every day I definitely don’t want to message him and would quite gladly not speak to him again.

The harder you try and suffocate someone the more they’ll fight to get away.