to give feedback to lonely acquaintance?

[ChampagneSupernovaAgain]

Acquaintance is someone I have known on and off for a few years.
She is SAHM with a very wealthy DH, house, 5 star hols, nanny/housekeeper, tennis court, pony.
Constantly constantly complaining about her first world problems.
I know she is lonely. She has said as much but imho her condescending comments are the reason for her loneliness.
AIBU to offer her feedback that if she didn't always complain about how dreadful her life was when it is peachy in MANY ways. I know no-one knows what is going on behind closed doors that more people may want to ask her round for coffee/out/for a play?

Are you absolutely sure that's the reason people don't socialise with her?

Hi Wips
Am I sure? There has been a lot of chat yes. Which makes me sound unkind, and I don't think I am.
Do you think there could be another reason why people don't socialise with her?

Maybe suggest that if she is lonely she could volunteer for a charity helping those less fortunate than herself. That would give her time with other people and also maybe give her some perspective. And hopefully the charity won't be cursing you for suggesting it.

Other than that 1st world problems can still be problems eg depression is a 1st world problem. Human brains soon get used to good things and don't see them, only seeing what is lacking.

Does she ask other people round or out?

Oh gosh that's a difficult one isn't it? I was in a similar position myself a while back and decided that as a good friend, I needed to talk to her about it.

It was horrible, I was so uncomfortable, I hate confrontation and was afraid she'd shoot the messenger. In the end, I decided to talk to her though because it was either that or start distancing myself and if it were me, I'd want to know.

The upshot is that she took notice of my advice and has been much better since.

I also completely understand that first world probs are still probs and I think that she has struggled with depression. And it is perhaps her lack of social skills which make it worse.

It's funny you should mention the volunteering as she suggested that but alongside something like "obviously I don't need to work for money." which really made me as she knows that I do and it felt pointed and condescending.

INteresting what you were saying, struggling, "If it were me, I'd want to know"...

Also: Did she shoot the messenger?

No she didn't, she just snotted over me, there was a lot of crying involved....

If you want to maintain the friendship I suggest talking to her as Struggling suggests.
I think I may be like you’re friend, not well off but social anxious. I rabbit on and afterwards realise I could, and have, come across as condescending without meaning to be. For me it’s the anxiety leading me to talk without thinking. I would love it if a friend would talk to me about it openly and we could agree when she notices me going a bit too far just giving me a sign or something to help me learn. But it’s a big thing to ask if anybody.

*of not if

Hi
Thanks for sharing your thoughts this. I need to think about how best to do it. My worry is that she wouldn't take to it kindly. She is one of those people who is so convinced of her rightness on any given issue. And so she might not take it in the spirit it's intended and I would leave the conversation feeling again.
I need to look after my own MH with regard to her too.
As you say, it's a big ask of someone.
I feel such a mixture of and for her.