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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave without giving notice?

44 replies

beyondthesky · 06/07/2018 12:57

What is the worst that can happen if I turn up to work next week and say I'm not coming back? Will the company sue me for breach of contract - ie not giving one month's notice? I get paid for the whole month on the 15th so obviously I will owe them some time/money, which I'm quite happy to see through, just don't want to stay any longer.

I've had it with my job. I'm being micro-managed by a really unpleasant colleague who has the same role as me. The only reason she feels able to do this is because I am part-time and she is full-time.

She is thoroughly obnoxious to every single person who crosses her path - except the most senior managers of course - sickly sweet to them. Very clever in who she belittles and has been getting away with it for years.

I've been told on numerous occasions whenever I've complained that 'I'm able to put up with it because I'm a strong character' or similar. The third person on our team was made redundant a couple of years ago because this woman was so awful to her she went off with stress. The company were scared that she would take it to a tribunal so paid her off.

She is the worst bully I've ever come across in my entire 50 years - although not necessarily to me as I do speak up for myself. No-one has ever done anything about it.

I actually had an ex-MD, who has moved further up in our company, ring once and ask me if she's still the same as ever!!

Anyway, in past hour she double-checked and triple-checked something I was doing. This task is entirely my responsibility and nothing to do with her whatsoever. If the job wasn't done properly I would have to do it again, no-one else. I asked her to stop doing it and let me get on with it.

She mumbled something under her breath so I told her to 'fuck off' very loudly and in front of many witnesses. She stormed off and I've just thought, do you know what, I can't be bothered with this crap anymore.

I don't get paid a fortune and we could live without it in the short term, although obviously I would have to get another job.

She is horrible all day long to people's face and about them as soon as they leave the vicinity. On the very odd occasion when someone has spoken back to her, she goes crying to HR or our manager to say she has a lot on her plate at the moment etc. Horrible, horrible woman!

People say to me on a weekly basis that they don't understand how I can work with her... it is so wearing. People ring or email me asking me to let them know when she's not around so they can ask me to do a task because it's too much hassle to deal with her.

God it feels good to vent on here. I feel like I've been keeping it in for years.

So, now I've shot myself in the foot by swearing at her so any advice would be gratefully received!

OP posts:
Mumminmum · 06/07/2018 13:00

Go talk to HR. Tell them about her bullying you and you finally snapping. She should be the one to leave.

hazell42 · 06/07/2018 13:03

I wouldn't quit. If she complains about you I would tell HR that she is a strong person and she can take it. Tell them you are not prepared to put up with her anymore and put in a complaint in writing.
You shouldn't have to tolerate this in the workplace.
If your employer does nothing about it and you leave, sue them for constructive dismissal. Work should not make you this miserable

LyndseyKola · 06/07/2018 13:03

I think you ought to search on ask a manager blog for advice on how to handle this. It’s not uncommon for people to have coworkers who think they can micromanage someone they have zero managerial authority over, and there are ways to deal with it beyond leaving, if you want to.

Penners99 · 06/07/2018 13:04

Go to work. First time she speaks to you, scream and shout “why why” and go home. No explanation, just leave. After 3 or 4 days she will stay away from you.

russiandwarf · 06/07/2018 13:07

She sounds horrific. If you really can't bear it and HR are doing nothing then I would say give notice and work to the end of it, otherwise might it be difficult to get a reference?

foxssoxareinthebox · 06/07/2018 13:07

Complain to HR about her. Tell her you will leave if things don’t change and that she’s already driven one member of staff to leave the organisation. If people are actually leaving because of her awful behaviour then I can’t see how they wouldn’t take it seriously. Or you could play her at her own game and check her work. If you do decide to leave I would have it out with her on your last day in front of your colleagues and tell her that she is the reason you are leaving. Embarrass her. She sounds like a nasty piece of work

russiandwarf · 06/07/2018 13:08

I've changed my mind - I like what @hazell42 said!

beyondthesky · 06/07/2018 13:10

I know I should - our regional HR manager is actually sat in the office right next door to our desks today! Unfortunately she is completely new to the role and this is actually only her second visit to our office and the first time I've met her.

Our company has had lots of management changes recently so our local managers don't know either of us any better than the other. And I know I haven't helped myself by swearing.

I think that should she mention this to our immediate manager (who isn't here today) that they will feel it is easier to let me go because she is full-time and therefore harder to replace.

I will take some comfort in knowing that she won't physically be able to fulfil all our tasks on her own though. The irony is she would probably end up leaving then as it is too much for one person.

I know she complains about to me to everyone and anyone who will listen too... if you listened to her you'd think she's the only one doing any work in the entire company and that every other person is totally incompetent. Not sure how they managed for the 125 years before she joined!!!

God I really have had enough! If my manager were here today I would speak to him now and leave immediately.

OP posts:
AtrocityNeedles · 06/07/2018 13:12

I think your colleague used to work for me. We had 9 people (9!!!!!!!!) leave in six months because of her, and eventually I did too. I tried a million coping strategies but she was just a monster. Sorry that you find yourself in that situation.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 06/07/2018 13:12

My concerns would be:
Not getting a good reference, when you know you'll be job hunting.
Not getting another job for the foreseeable.
Ending up working with a similar person elsewhere.

Go through the official channels if you ha e a grievance and suck it up for the few weeks notice you need to give

CoraPirbright · 06/07/2018 13:15

Straight to HR!! Esp before she gets a chance to complain about you swearing about her. Tell them everything that you have said here and ask them what the bloody hell they are going to do about it esp in view of the fact that she has driven others away and people ask to talk to you when she isnt around.

beyondthesky · 06/07/2018 13:16

Thanks all, some good tips there. I will have a look at that blog LyndseyKola

The other week a colleague from a different office told me some choice things she'd said about me. I wanted to go and have it out with her then but the other person begged me not to as it would be obvious where it came from.

I think I will write it all down and email my manager on Monday (I'm not in until next Thursday).

I actually won't see her after today because she is away for almost three weeks from next Wednesday. So perhaps I should have kept my powder dry. Too late now though.

Apologies if I don't respond straight away but I don't want to get into trouble for MNetting when I should be working - that would be the icing on the cake!

OP posts:
Imchlibob · 06/07/2018 13:20

What a nightmare.

Unfortunately you do owe horrible colleague an apology. Very unprofessional to shout abuse like that - although understandable.

Write a formal apology to her. Give a copy HR along with a letter of resignation giving a month's notice but stating that you request that while you are working your notice you work with no contact from horrible colleague who has been bullying you. Whilst you realise that your aggressive reaction was completely unacceptable you cannot for the sake of your own mental wellbeing subject yourself to that working environment any longer. If they don't agree then go to your GP and get signed off for stress for the whole notice period (this isn't simple - you will need to be very definite and explicit about how the toxic environment is destroying your mental balance)

JohnnyKarate · 06/07/2018 13:20

At least if she is away for the next three weeks, you can work your notice in peace.

Imchlibob · 06/07/2018 13:22

Cross post with you - sounds ideal if you actually don't have to see her again.

JeffJarrett · 06/07/2018 13:26

Sounds horrible. There's always one!

Can you go to your GP to ask if they can sign you off with work related stress? It sounds like it's impacting you massively and I'm pretty sure work will have to take things more seriously.

CambridgeAnaglypta · 06/07/2018 13:38

YOU start crying and run to HR saying you have a lot on your plate.

Play her at her own game.

Stormy76 · 06/07/2018 13:39

Write to HR detailing the issues, look up any policies they have on harassment because that is what she is doing. ACAS are great at supporting people with issues in the workplace. Write your apology for the swearing, I have come extremely close to doing that myself in the past. Is there an OH dept, if so ask for a referral or self refer because you are becoming very stressed at work. Go to your GP and get signed off with stress at work because that's what this is. You are becoming so stressed by the constant harrasment and bullying that you want to walk out and not go back.

If the managers are new then look at it this way, they don't know you but they have no loyalty to her and her bad behaviour should be highlighted and dealt with appropriately.

HariboIsMyCrack · 06/07/2018 13:40

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Stormy76 · 06/07/2018 13:40

What ever you do don't walk out, report her for bullying and harassment, if things get worse then you have grounds for a tribunal

Bibesia · 06/07/2018 13:41

Have you entered a formal grievance procedure complaint? If so, you may be able to claim constructive dismissal.

Stormy76 · 06/07/2018 13:45

Getting signed off with stress is not a way to get extra time off, I would never imply that because I have been in a situation where I was being harassed and bullied by a manager and had a break down because I kept forcing myself to go in and putting up with it, I was then signed off for 6 months recovering and still am recovering from the breakdown.

Minimising the level of stress that someone is under/could be under from persistent harrasment is damaging. This is not a case of just disliking a colleague, the OP has said that she is dealing with harrasment on a daily basis at work and that drags you down.

HariboIsMyCrack · 06/07/2018 13:51

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beyondthesky · 06/07/2018 17:31

I've just left work. She spent rest of the day huffing and puffing and just generally being loud without actually saying anything.

She went in to see the HR manager, almost certainly to tell her. I'll wait now though and see what's said next week.

It is so frustrating that I could be in trouble now and basically it's because no-one has actually dealt with this in all these years.

This afternoon three separate people from different departments -who would not have any idea of what had gone on - commented on her.

One said "she's been a complete bitch to me all this week". Another asked me if I could speak to a customer for her because I'd handle it 'in a nicer way'. The third said she'd told her off for not answering phone quickly enough when she could see she was at her desk!

That's a typical day unfortunately. Not only do I have to sit there and listen to her whining about everyone I also have to listen to them complaining about her Grin

I'll use this thread to draft some thoughts and email them next week.

I'm away with friends now for the weekend so may not update for a while but thanks to those who've offered advice. It does help.

OP posts:
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