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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What to do about Marjuana? Or am I being pearl clutchy?!

22 replies

Fruitbat1980 · 05/07/2018 21:21

So, I live in a nice wee village. Lived here 5 years. Our neighbour is ok, we don’t socialise but have done the hi, how are you, every time we meet, he hates our cats, we hate his (to be fair he hates his cats too as not his, they are his GF). He thinks he is a bit of a sex god I reckon, but is mid life crisis Trendy in my opinion. (Think 45 year old man in superdry).
Now to the problem, his teenage 18 year old Daughter (who we don’t know beyond seeing back of her head As she runs out To car) smokes weed? Marjuana? Whatever. During the day when her parents are at work. In the garden. To be fair might be her BF who seems to be there a lot. But either way it permeates onto our house and garden, especially in this heat with windows open.
Is there anything I can do? I fear if I raise it with him he may already know? Or will just defend daughter and tel me to F Off. But it really bothers me, I am completely anti smoking let alone drugs of any kind. And I think it’s bloody outrageous I have to subject My son (who is 4) to it.
I don’t want t start a neighbour war, I get that the police would not give 2 hoots these days (would they) so what can I do? I’m loath to resort to this but is there any insense / candle I can burn to rid of smell??? Help! It’s driving me mad!

OP posts:

Shortstuff08 · 05/07/2018 21:29

It's weird that he (or her) is smoking so much it's coming in your house. My neighbour (small terrace) houses, smokes skunk in her garden and we only get the odd whiff. It makes Dp feel sick when he can smell it though. We can only smell it if we are sat in the garden near the back door and she is sat by her back door.

What I did was just pop my head over and ask if she minded moving further away from the adjoining fence. She was fine by it.

If you did that, the daughter might think twice and move away, in case you tell her parents. Might solve the issue.

Gigis · 05/07/2018 21:30

She is 18, so not a child. Could you speak to her directly adult to adult? She might appreciate it more than being dobbed in and go and do it somewhere else? It would annoy me to smell it too, though, I sympathise with you.

Original poster

Fruitbat1980 · 05/07/2018 21:31

Hmm I’m also surprised by how strong the smell is, it’s over powering, like they are next to us, and although houses detached they are like 2 metres apart and I reckon she must be 5-10 metres from where I am, I’ve tried the subtle cough, but maybe I need to be blunter or poke over fence (not easy, is 6ft and I am short!)

OP posts:

Boofay · 05/07/2018 21:32

We have the same problem with our neighbours. It STINKS up our house when the windows are open. I hate it. I have no issues with people smoking it but I just don't want to have to smell the stuff.
Following this thread for any advice.

RedPill · 05/07/2018 21:33

Let her know it's bothering you and suggest she tried brownies instead

lilcolibri · 05/07/2018 21:35

It depends what kind of strain of weed it is. Some are REALLY stinky and some are just moderately stinky.

When our neighbours smoke the super stinky kind it really does pong and permeate everywhere. He smokes 5-6+ times a day and it really depends what 'variety' it is for how bad it smells.

A polite word with her/him over the garden fence when they're smoking it and if that doesn't work talk to her dad?

Original poster

Fruitbat1980 · 05/07/2018 21:35

My fear is my understanding from next door but one the other side who’ve been here much longer than us, is that she’s v anti social goth, and that’s why I’ve only ever seen back of her bright purple head... hence I don’t think it would go well... I need to grow a pair don’t I?

OP posts:

IncyWincyMouseRat · 05/07/2018 21:49

Just pop your head over the fence and ask her to move a bit? It’s hardly the crime of the century but you also shouldn’t have to be affected by it. She’ll probably think twice once she realises you’re aware, especially if her parents don’t know!

The phrase ‘antisocial goth’ sounds very pearl clutchy/judgy though tbh.

roboticmom · 05/07/2018 21:51

I do the loud 'cough cough Do you smell WEED? UGH it's so strong!' and hope that gives the hint that they're being anti-social.

RaymondHolt · 05/07/2018 21:55

You'd be surprised about the police. Our neighbours were doing similar and our toddlers bedroom was full of it. I spoke to them a couple of times but they either denied it or didn't answer the door.

I kept a log of times and called 101 and they came out later that week and spoke to them - we haven't had an issue since. I think they investigate when it's affecting children.

Original poster

Fruitbat1980 · 05/07/2018 21:58

@incywincymouserat to be fair I think I'm on pearl clutch when high from next doors weed

OP posts:

Lucyccfc · 05/07/2018 22:10

Had the same problem with my neighbour, smoking in her back garden and the smell of weed coming in through my bathroom window.

I just knocked on her door and said I had no problem with her smoking weed in her own home, but not in the back garden, as I could smell it in my house.

She said she only smoked normal roll-ups and I burst out laughing and asked her how she got high as a kite from roll ups (she was stoned).

I just repeated that she should smoke it in her house and not her garden and I smiled and left.

She's not done it since.

Echobelly · 05/07/2018 22:14

Are you sure she's 'antisocial' or have you just absorbed the idea that kids who look weird must be scary? Because I have known many goths, and not one of them violent or yobby or anything but very nice.

In your shoes, I'd just tell her the smoke's really getting to your home, could she maybe go to the other end of the garden please? Not implying any judginess about what she's smoking, just dealing with the issue for you.

Icequeen01 · 05/07/2018 22:17

We have the same problem with a neighbour next door but one. It absolutely reeks and he seems to be smoking it constantly. The other morning we had our windows open in our bedroom as it was so hot and he was out there smoking it at 4am. Utterly vile. My DH has spoken to him but his reply was "everyone is doing it now". Well it is the first time in 21 years that we have smelt it in our garden and we are surrounded by other houses so I disagree that everyone is doing it!

Zfactorstar · 05/07/2018 23:34

Most of the people who dress or look outside the norm are some of the nicest, most easy going people you will ever meet. You need to check you prejudice.

Okaassan · 05/07/2018 23:44

I think she would respect you more for speaking directly to her. If you are worried about confrontation put it in a way that makes it seem you are inconveniening her "Sorry to be a pain but would you mind smoking that a little bit further away please? I am a bit of a hypercondriate and i am worried about it getting into DC room". I would be much more responsive to this than a passive aggressive "cough, cough can you smell that".

LemonysSnicket · 06/07/2018 00:39

I'd ask her to please do it upwind or somewhere else as you're worried your 4yo is inhaling it and though you're not bothered by it you're worried as he has asthma.

Who cares if it's a lie, make her feel bad enough to move her smoke without causing a war

Metoodear · 06/07/2018 06:59

It’s not legal I would having a word

Somthing like I don’t want to have to go through the police and the council however your drug taking is now effecting me

Tartsamazeballs · 06/07/2018 07:03

Take her some Cheetos as a peace offering and politely ask her to bugger off?

Sundance65 · 06/07/2018 07:11

I would have a quiet word with her - she is an adult but also a very young adult and may have not been smoking it long enough to realise how far the smell can spread - even in the open air.

But you are old enough to know better than the anti social goth comment.

Lookingforadvice123 · 06/07/2018 07:44

I can’t believe how accepting some of you are!

OP I would speak to her directly. A couple of weeks ago one of my teenage neighbours (family of four) was smoking it in his garden with his mates, with horrible music blasting at full volume, at about 4:30pm on a Saturday. My toddler was out playing, so I went round to ask them to stop - I live in a naice area and didn’t move here for this to be honest! The dad answered the door which surprised me, and he looked pretty sheepish when I told him so he clearly knew. I know teenagers will do whatever, but at that time of the afternoon when they know we have young children out in the garden? Just go somewhere else!

girlywhirly · 06/07/2018 09:41

We have this problem. Our next door neighbours DS aged 30 still living at home. He does work.He’s always smoked tobacco and has a dreadful smokers cough which makes us feel sick when we hear him. He’s never been allowed to smoke in the house so sits on the patio. Over the last couple of years he has smoked weed as well, neighbours two gardens away can smell it. He doesn’t do it when his mum and stepdad are there although they are aware, maybe they don’t realise how disgusting smell is and how far it carries. We have had to go inside rather than enjoy sour own garden. So far we haven’t made a complaint as we were told he is supposed to be moving out this year, but really, I can’t see it happening as he’s on to a cushy number at home. He doesn’t have to do any cleaning or gardening or shopping, the laundry gets done, they have a dishwasher. I guess we are going to have to.

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