to be terrified of childbirth?

[Garidje]

Absolutely shitting my pants! Not worried about the pain, at all. I'm worried about things going wrong. Problem with baby, baby being breach, tears, c section (my biggest fear. Local makes me so sick and I am terrified, phobic of surgery), not being able to have a water birth or the pool being used by another lady... I'm just so anxious. I have an anxiety disorder and OCD so struggle hugely when not in control. This is due to an illness, which I can't change. I DO understand that things will be out of my control, I just have no idea how I will cope with this.

These anxieties are making me panic. I'm not enjoying my pregnancy as much. Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

I think you should speak to your midwife and ask to be referred onto a pre natal anxiety counsellor or similar.

I spoke to my midwife about my anxiety but she didn't really seem to understand. She just said 'it's normal to feel anxious, even people who don't suffer from anxiety feel anxious' - I really think some healthcare professionals just don't get it.

Not unusual to be totally shitting it. It's so completely unknown and you can't know what it's like or what will happen until you go through it.

Being able to relax as much as possible during labour though can really help with keeping things going in the right direction in many ways. I'd speak to your midwife and also look into hypnobirthing. It was the first thing the midwife recommended to me when I told her how anxious and terrified I was and it helped me beyond anything I could have thought.

I was still scared but as soon as I went into labour (premature, immediately went from low risk to high risk so not as plain sailing as I'd hoped!) it kept me calm and got me through.

Wishing you all the best x

I’m sorry your midwife is so useless and I do understand your worries. I would go to your GP or contact your labour ward and explain your concerns and that you need to be referred to the perinatal mental health team or equivalent.

If you mw isn't being helpful it might be worth speaking to your gp & asking for a perinatal mental health referral.

Feeling for you - I also have GAD and obsessive thoughts.

Have you tried any hypnobirthing methods? Plenty of info online. Might help you to feel more empowered and teach you some quick techniques to focus your anxiety during labour.

hypnobirthing.co.uk/

Wishing you the very best of luck. The chances of things going very wrong is extremely slim x

Thanks @FoxAndBear - I'll absolutely look in to hypno!

@LilacIris @BernardsarenotalwaysSaints she is so lovely. Such a nice woman, but just doesn't seem the get the mental health side of things.

@Fi1982 thank you. Sorry you suffer with GAD. So do I. It's awful. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I understand the intrusive thoughts. Sending you for your bad days!

Thank you for the hypno birth info. Doing some research now!

A lot of people I know found pregnancy yoga really helpful - it helped them feel they were in control of some aspects (yoga breathing slowing down heart rate and helping pain etc) and with general relaxation. Also helps back pain and can meet people. Also I think there is a podcast called something like birth without fear (?) That friends listened to - said it was nice to hear some positive stories

I also really recommend hypnobirthing. I think the name puts people off coz it sounds a bit silly but it's really about getting in touch with your body by controlling your breathing. Once you feel a bit more in control the fear definitely lessens!

I'm also an anxious person and I get very stressed out in situations I can't control, so giving birth seemed like the ultimate nightmare!

There are CDs and books you can get, no need to go to expensive classes. I recommend Katherine Graves. I started listening to the CDs and practicing the breathing exercises every night and by the time I got to the birth I really felt calm and ready. I still use the techniques now when things get a bit much with LO!

Also "The Positive Birth Book" by Milli Hill is great for getting info about all the different things that can happen. Once I felt prepared for anything it didn't seem as bad.

Really hope you find something that helps, you can do this! x

Try and concentrate on the things you can control.
Like what to pack in your hospital bag, a list of phone numbers for when the time comes, maybe stocking up the cupboards and batch cooking and freezing easy meals.
Then I agree with pp, most hospitals have women’s health counsellors who you can talk through your anxieties with.

Just want to say my biggest fear was a c section, my friends was a vaginal birth. So I fully get you on that. Just remember what ever happens will be for the benefit of you and babe.

Thank you everyone. I'm going to look in to everything you advise. Pregnancy Yoga sound amazing. I've found a class already and going to call them tomorrow!

@Snowysky20009 if I have to have one I have to have one, but I REALLY don't want one. I couldn't care less about the scar, I think c section scars are beautiful reminders, I just hate the idea of it and don't think I would cope well.

Natal hypnotherapy CD course is low-cost and really does help a lot.

Hypnobirthing is the American one, Natal Hypnotherapy has an English voice.

I had the Natal Hynpotherapy CDs and they were amazing! I put the tracks on my phone and listened on my commute and in bed. I did also get my GP to refer me for counselling though, as I had similar phobia of c-section.
I ended up having a planned section on my 2nd baby, which was a breeze in comparison to the first vaginal. Could never have done it without that counselling to put me on the right path though.
Ask for help - keep asking until you get it.
Good luck

If I'm under a consultant at one hospital, can I choose to go to a different hospital that's closer to me? I've found one that has seemingly great support in regards to MH services but would mean a change of hospital..

How many weeks are you?
I found something happens to you as labour gets closer. Some kind of primal bravery takes over and you are willing to do anything for your baby. I found courage that I didn’t know existed. All I cared about was the safety of my child and all fears were drowned by my assurance that I’d do everything in my power to let no harm come to it.
That’s how it was with me, anyway. Good luck!

Speak to your GP. I went through the same thing when pregnant and had a useless midwife, but my GP was excellent at referring me to the right people.

Good luck

You can get Katherine Graves' hypnobirthing audio book on audible, which also includes some of her relaxation tracks, and you can get it for free if you sign up for a 30 day trial (you can cancel the trial straight away and still get to keep the book- that's what I did). I'd recommend it, explains everything really well and has made me 100x less anxious.

Conversely a c section, planned may be the best thing for you! If your worried about not being in control, and things going wrong a planned section will removes so many issues.

Someone mentioned hypno birthing. I'm the most cynical person with this stuff but I found the meditation track during pregnancy awesome. Rally reduced my anxiety and relaxed me. Amazingly helped me.keep.in control during birth and pushed down the panic.

I felt a sickening level of anxiety from almost the minute the excitement of the positive pregnancy test had worn off and went into almost a denial-like state about the birth. A friend of mine had an incredibly traumatic birth and it affected me more than I realised.

I ended up requesting an elective c-section and was given a date for this, however almost ironically I went into preterm labour later on that day - it took me WAY too long to realise I was in labour and hadn't just hurt my back I had a very straight-forward and quick vaginal delivery a week later and my daughter was born completely healthy at 35 weeks.

I think it can be very hard for some pleople to understand how all consuming fear or anxiety can be.

I found my perinatal team were excellent. I have a huge fear of being admitted to hospital, I'm fine as an outpatient, visitor, giving birth but had 2 very bad experiences on the postnatal ward (nothing to with the staff), as well as stays in childhood that led to it. With dc5 they arranged for me to have a 6 hour discharge (on the assumption that both baby & I were healthy) & knowing that I was unlikely to be kept in really did help me. We were both well & were home 6.5 hours after I had him. I was actually admitted prior to the birth as needed to be induced & they were brilliant then too, all the midwives were fabulous too because why I was anxious was written down.

I really hope you find sonething that helps you, it's not a nice way to feel whatever the reasons

Even if things do go wrong, I think you're so in the moment that you just get on with it in my experience. I had a 2 hour labour with my second at 28 weeks, if id known before that it would happen I would have been terrified but as it was we took each thing as it came, and by the time you're able to pause and process what's happening the worst is out of the way and we knew she was fairly stable to begin with.

I wanted the birthing pool with my first and second, didn't get to because of them being premature, and by the third even though he was term I was actually more relieved having the monitor on continuously and wouldnt have wanted to be unstrapped and in the pool. You may find what you want changes in labour and that you actually don't mind if things don't go to your initial plan.

I would second the recommendation for hypnobirthing...if you have the time I would try to book a class so that you really benefit from it. I have had 2 hypnobirths, suffered with OCD as a teenager and generalised anxiety disorder now and it helped me massively.