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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be really upset/angry by this

23 replies

parry45 · 05/07/2018 20:03

So dd (6) has a rare complex health condition that her school are aware of. They have her picture and needs on the board in reception and in her class. In the winter she's especially unwell and has to have time off school. She becomes extremely lethargic and jaundice requiring blood transfusions. Her liver and spleen are enlarged(operation to follow) and can get in a lot of pain with this.
Today the headmaster has sent me a letter informing me as her attendance is below %90 that the parent support advisor will be contacting me and that her attendance needs to improve!! I'm upset by this because its not her or my fault and she would much rather be at school than in the hospital! Aibu to go in tomorrow about this or is it just protocol for them to send this? Would you be annoyed by this.
Dd has a sister at same school whos attendance is %98.

OP posts:

EveningHare · 05/07/2018 20:07

i think its a standard automated letter - you know whats going on, they know whats going on - just bin it

Storminateapot · 05/07/2018 20:08

It sounds to me as if that was a standard letter that was sent out to all parents of children with attendance below x% and yours wasn't weeded out when it should have been.

Absence due to illness is not the same as 'absence' and you shouldn't be held accountable for it. I'd contact the school to ask them what they expect you to do to remedy this situation.

Neolara · 05/07/2018 20:14

As others have said, it's just a standard letter that the computer has generated. A real person probably hasn't even looked at it. I suspect the head will be mortified if you explain how upset and annoyed you were to receive the letter.

Original poster

parry45 · 05/07/2018 20:15

Thanks. I'll go in tomorrow about it.

OP posts:

Racecardriver · 05/07/2018 20:16

Honestly I couldn't help responding "no shit" with her medical files attached but that might be a bit immature (fun to think about though)

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 05/07/2018 20:18

They are standard letters.

It's brutal and insensitive and most heads agree but "addressing abscence"/improving attendance by sending stupid letters is something Ofsted require.

Do not let it upset you. And tbh ignore it.

MissusGeneHunt · 05/07/2018 20:18

How incredibly insensitive... Bad luck OP, definitely address this personally. One wonders how many other letters are auto generated which cause upset.

Sirzy · 05/07/2018 20:18

We get them every term. I simply file them away either in the bin or if dla renewal due soon as evidence to send off with it

Original poster

parry45 · 05/07/2018 20:18

Haha racecardriver...thats genius😂.

OP posts:

Smallhorse · 05/07/2018 20:19

Just protocol. Please don’t be upset

Original poster

parry45 · 05/07/2018 20:24

I completely understand that attendance is important. Its just upsetting when as a parent with an unwell child you get a letter like that, when the school know how poorly she gets. Especially to get someone to phone me about it. Will definately go in and speak with them but like you say they probably didn't even realise.

OP posts:

AlwaysDancing1234 · 05/07/2018 20:25

Please don’t let it upset you.
It’s a stupid OFSTED / LEA requirement for the school to show they are tackling attendance.

The schools I’ve worked in had a report you ran once a week which auto generated the letters.
The head never looked at them as they had her electronic signature.

When I started in the school office jobs I would weed out the obviously pointless letters for kids with well known long term medical issues but before that letters would just be printed, enveloped and posted out within a matter of minutes each week.

Don’t let it get to you but do raise with the head that they shouldn’t be sending letters like that to you.

Gigis · 05/07/2018 20:29

In my school when a child has an ongoing illness that causes prolonged absence the welfare officers stop the letters going out after the first one. It may be worth asking the school to do this just so you don't have the subsequent letters come through. Please don't be angry though, as others have said it really is just protocol, nothing impersonal against you.

Gigis · 05/07/2018 20:29

*personal

redcarbluecar · 05/07/2018 20:37

Hmm, maybe a standard letter but still pretty thoughtless, given the known situation. Hope you get somewhere with making that clear to the head.

kitkatsky · 05/07/2018 20:42

Tbh, given how many people have told you it's automated, I prob wouldn't go in. I'd just send an email asking them to maybe take out the letters applying to specific cases like your dd in future. It's likely just an oversight- I'm sure they didn't intend to upset you, just make the point to parents who let their kids have a day off for a haircut/birthday etc!

kateandme · 05/07/2018 20:46

try not to get upset tonight.this isn't on your its on them.youve enough on your mind with a poorly dc without having to deal with insensitive letter like this.so don't let it get to you.they need to sort this and make sure it doesn't happen. but it will be just one of those things that the computer programs go through the data,finds the ones below certain percent and then prints on from there.

NotTakenUsername · 05/07/2018 20:48

We got one of these - standardised letter and pamphlet. Head had hand written on the bottom that they had to send it but they were aware of the circumstances and no further action was required.

BigGrannyPants · 05/07/2018 20:51

If it's hospital appointments and stays then it should go down as an authorised absence and if all her absences are authorised they should not be involving an attendance officer or anything of that ilk. It's the unauthorised absences that flag concern.

Original poster

parry45 · 05/07/2018 20:51

Thanks. She is my youngest and ive had other dc go through school and this is the first time ive recieved a letter about attendance. My ds is 18. Just a shame that because dd has medical needs we now recieve a letter thats all. I agree that i should just mention it to prevent it happening again. They do a %100 attendance award too and i just feel bad for her as she never gets it but its not her fault. Thanks for all your advice.

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheets · 05/07/2018 20:56

It's just automatic - but I do understand how you feel - we had similar recently - my youngest is recovering from Encephalitis and gets exhausted easily - she missed 8 weeks of school then returned PT - even now 9 months later she misses 2/3 days a month due to tiredness - I did talk to the head who was really kind about it and told me not to worry x

Glaciferous · 05/07/2018 21:53

DD had this at the beginning of the year. She had an operation on her foot and various things went wrong, not seriously but it did mean I was driving her across London about once a week so the specialist team could look on it. I had an automated letter, went in and said 'but you know about this, I've told you every time that it is hospital appointments and I can hardly demand them to be out of school hours!'

They were totally fine about it. I also had a call just recently from the attendance officer at the council because her overall year attendance hasn't been great and I just explained and they were totally fine with it.

parry45 · 05/07/2018 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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