To not get dd2 her 'own' cat?

[LydiaCat]

6 months ago we got a cat. I've had cats in the past (pre children) but my two dds, aged 11 and 8, have not. We'd always lived right on a main road so I was too scared to get one - we got the cat after we moved into a quiet cul de sac.

Both dds were hugely excited about the cat, as until now, a few fish and a hamster excepted, they'd lived a rather pet-less existence.

Unfortunately, the cat hugely prefers dd1 to dd2. It actively avoids dd2 if she tries to stroke it, while it adores dd1 and constantly meows outside her door wanting to go and sleep on her lap or in her room. Dd2 hasn't done anything to annoy the cat, to my knowledge - it's just the cat's personal preference.

Dd2 is distraught about this, and keeps asking me and dh to get another cat that will be 'hers'.

I'm reluctant to do this. The cat we have was a rescue that came from a rather chaotic house with ten cats, and so far seems to be absolutely loving life as a single cat. I'm worried it would get very distressed if another cat was introduced into its home.

AIBU? Does anyone have any tips for helping a cat bond with a child it's taken an instant dislike to?

Maybe DD2 could be the chief cat-feeder for a while? That seems to work on most cats.

There’s no guarentee another cat would anymore interested in her though?
I agree with pp, get her to do the feeding.

You'd be well stuffed if you got a second cat and it preferred DD1 as well.

I’d get three more cats to increase the likelihood one will prefer DD2.

I would give daughter who has not got strong bond the job of feeding cat. Maybe get her to play with cat with a few new toys. Cat will soon associate daughter with good things

The cat chooses the human. A second cat might not like dd2 either.

I'd tell her to ignore the cat as much as possible. They seem to like it better (hence how our cat is firmly dh's even though he can't stand cats) and swerve anyone who tries to be too attentive (e.g. children).

Sorry cross posted with people with same advice.

We got a cat for ds when he was 8. He loved her though of course I did all the feeding etc. Cat is now 18, DS is 26 and boy am I glad I didn’t get a second cat for my other ds.

Also a rescue cat may hate having another cat in the house and you may end up with all sorts of undesirable behaviours. Let dd1 give treats and food ( most cats go mad for catnip toys) and it will settle.

Sorry, dd2.

Cats are their own creatures . One day it will decide DD2 is the preferred human, for no other reason than there is an R in the month ! Ignoring cats usually makes them want to crawl all over you !

IME the best way to make friends with a cat is to avoid staring at it and feed it treats. Then if the cat likes playing, move onto quiet playing, still trying to avoid staring at it.

Cats really dislike being stared at, people desperate to be friends with a cat tend to stare.

Do not get another cat to please your dd, it would be terribly unfair all round, especially the cat already at home.

I have 3 ds's, all young adults and when they're all home together they both hone into ds1-23 because?............we have no idea

*our cats hone into ds1.

appalling grammar, sorry .

Can you imagine 2 cats purring at Dd1 dd2 would explode bless her, yes at getting her to feed cat but Dd1 is probably that bit calmer that is why cat loves her more .

As others have said, there is no guarantee that a second cat would like DD2 any more than this cat. Perhaps there is another pet she would like? (Though I wouldn't recommend another hamster with a cat about)

My cat dislikes both my children equally so I don't have this issue

We had lots of pets as children. One of our dogs decided I was his person and slept on my bed and always stayed glued to me. My DSis was most put out although she then persuaded one of the cats to be "hers". I am still apparently a dog whisperer although I don't own one now as DH really not a dog person although I've persuaded him to like cats. I agree DD2 should try not to act too desperate as if she acts aloof the cat may be intrigued!

I’d get three more cats to increase the likelihood one will prefer DD2

@TheMadGardener you probably are a calm person. I have no problems with either cats or dogs. Cats I know to calmy ignore, and dogs I know just to be calm with then give them some attention.

I agree with Apehouse and would also suggest that your daughter gives the cat some space and lets the cat come to her. My cat is not fond of anyone who forces themselves on him when he isn't in the mood. It is hard for a child though. What about a fishing rod toy to play together too. I agree with what you said about being way of introducing other cats given your cats history and it wouldn't necessarily be her cat anyway as they decide for themselves.

Tell DD2 to totally ignore the cat. Nothing fucks them off more than being ignored and cat will soon be demanding attention.

Cats choose who they love. I have a girl cat who i first encountered as part of cruelty case. I eventually adopted her she adored me to the exclusion of all others for the first 4 years she was with me. DP arrived in her life and did nothing more than smile at her and she was his forever. This morning she left on the wall by his car door the gift of the biggest fattest shrew I have ever seen for him.
The choice of slave by a cat bears no relation to who feeds them, if anything they choose the person least involved in their life.

I remember being given a mug as a birthday present once with the picture of a cat with its back to you with the caption 'You're nobody until you've been ignored by a cat'. They can be very contrary when they want to be. I have 4 cats, my DDs have always tried too hard to make them like them and the cats keep their distance. They wonder why they come to me for cuddles and I explain that I wait for them to come to me. They're getting better with them now.

Rescue cats do attach themselves to one human, from my experience. I had a rescue cat for many years and she really was so attached to me.

I agree that you shouldn't get another cat, it really won't end well.

Agree with pps: feed cat, play with cat, otherwise ignore cat.

Young children have no idea how boisterous and full on they are. She needs to give cat space. If the cat does make eye contact with DD2, she needs to do slow blink then look away.

No no to another cat. First cat will start stress peeing everywhere! You don't need that.

Similar happened with my ndn. She and her daughter wanted a cat, her husband didn’t. Eventually she managed to persuade her husband to let them get one. The cat is completely bonded with him. Greets him from work, rides around on his shoulder, sleeps on his lap of an evening. The cat more or less ignores my neighbour and her daughter. What about getting your daughter a couple of rabbits that only she looks after.

DD2 is probably too full on which cats perceive as a threat.

Tell her to ignore the cat, avoid eye contact with it and Dcat May take more of a liking to her... it could also be DD2 age, she's quite young still and cats usually prefer adults as they are calmer with their movements.