To think this colleague needs to think of others

[user1485342611]

A woman at work's mother has been ill lately and can't be left in the house alone. It's only a temporary situation and my colleague has been working from home a bit or leaving early an odd afternoon in order to do her bit re helping out with her mother. She's still getting through her work but it means we have to answer her phone (which only rings a few times a day) or occasionally email her stuff at home. No biggie and she's always been helpful to others who need a dig out.

However, one colleague is constantly moaning and huffing and puffing and making remarks about 'not pulling her weight' 'we all have problems' etc.

This colleague is just back from 6 months maternity leave (to which she was perfectly entitled) which involved a lot of reshuffling of work and people taking on extra bits and pieces.

AIBU to think she's being selfish and needs to realise that there has to be give and take in a workplace, and that applies to her as well?

she is definitely BU and it might well come back to bite her in the ass if her LO needs is sick and needs to be picked up and she needs other people to cover her.

She sounds horrible

YANBU. I'm guessing it's not the type of place where you all can just tell her to be more supportive and ask her what does she think happened while she was maternity leave, that you all had to pitch in then too?

Could you ask your manager to have a quiet word with her about being supportive?

Unfortunately she's very friendly with the Manager. Somebody did say that she's being unfair, colleague is dealing with a difficult situation, and we all pitched in when she was on maternity leave.

'That was different' apparently

I’d perhaps complain to management in a generalised way in the first instance and ask them to give a team pep talk. This is horrible for you to have to listen to. You want positive people around you.

I wonder if she got back and was expecting people to be very relaxed about her return and to carry on helping her, letting her off early etc. Then when this lady has problems, everybody is helping her out - obviously, as she sounds like she needs and deserves it -which means the returner from maternity leave is expected to muck in and do her own work and do a bit of helping out, rather than have the easy ride she was hoping for?

And while she obviously can't sit there and say 'me me me me me meeeeeee, I have an ickle baby at home I want to forget work and go back to, it's supposed to be me getting this help not me giving this help' she is thinking it and it's coming out as the moaning instead...

She just sounds like an unsympathetic cow. If your colleague is still getting all her work done, she's hardly 'not pulling her weight' - that's just a bitch comment to make.

Maybe next time she says it, just say that's not a fair comment as she is getting all her work done, inspite of all the extra stress and hassle of caring for her sick Mother.

Maybe. But normally when people return from maternity leave they just settle back in and go on as normal. Obviously if their child is sick or some such people will pitch in - the same way as they are doing for this woman, or anyone who has something going on in their life that requires a bit of flexibility. But there isn't any extra allowance made for someone back from mat. leave.

Sorry that reply was to bunburry.

I can't believe mat. leave returner is so short sighted as not to realise it could be anyone in the team with a family or personal problem that requires some understanding and support from the rest of the team. What else is a team for?!

Maybe the colleague couldn't afford to take a year off work for mat leave and is bitter about being back. No excuse whatsoever though. What's the point in society if we don't help each other out and care out each other. Hope your colleagues mum will be alright.

The maternity leave returner is being unfair, and probably a bit of a princess.

Pull her up on it. Everyone pulled together and helped out during her maternity leave. Presumably some support will be available if needed when her child is ill, childcare crisis crops up etc. It is give and take.

The other colleague's work is still largely getting done despite her sick mother. It is now someone else who needs support and princess should get on with it with a good grace.

Ask her whether she has had an empathy bypass.

When she says 'that was different' again, just give her the Mumsnet head tilt and say sweetly 'no, it really wasn't.'

There may well come a time when she needs to look after her child and also work from home/take early afternoon etc. Maybe the boss could be approached with this and they could kindly, gently and with no pressure pass on to her that if that happens she will be supported just as this colleague is being supported right now by what, to me, sounds like a wonderful bunch of people!

Perfect response next time she whines, "well I suppose for the next 18 years you will never need the team covering you when you are not pulling your weight because you have a sick kid."

How nasty.

Maybe ask your manager to address a general "atmosphere" of nastiness towards this absent co-worker. Everybody will know who it's aimed at.

You may want to let your manager know about 'discrimination by association'

This means that employers need to make reasonable adjustments for both people with disabilities and those associated with them (normally their carers)

If they are making adjustments for parents, they need to ensure they don't discriminate against carers by not offering them the same protections. Obviously maternity cover is different. But if your colleague expects flexibility with her parental responsibilities, then it's the same for your colleague looking after their mother

Details here: www.stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/employment-law-blog/discrimination-by-association

Thanks DingDongDenny, that's helpful