To think if it was the order way around it would be frowned upon.. Ear piercing kids

[MarmiteAndCheeseRolls]

So dsd came last night and she'd had her ears pierced. She's 6. Not overly young. Dp mentioned it would of been nice if his ex had run it by him for his views. Not that he would or could stop her getting it done.
And to be fair it's done now and that's that.

However it got me thinking. If when she was here he'd just gone and got them done without mum's views, she would of gone batshit crazy. (we know this as he took dsd gto gp for her skin flaring up as her mother kept putting it off... And she went mad when he did.. Aparantly its not his place to take her to gp)

Just wondering for general views or if anyone had similar

I would have been very unhappy about this. The mother doesnt get to make all the decisions without talking about it. If the father had done it there would be hell to pay. Taking a 6 year old to the GP is a hell of a sight more responsible than piercing her ears. She is not old enough to give consent

YANBU, she should have run it by him first. Ear piercing is a big deal for some people.

My parents separated when I was a baby and when I was about two my DM got my ears pierced. My DF hated it and took them out when I stayed with him, he told her I had ‘lost the earrings’ and the holes closed over. I got them re-pierced when I was eight and with both parents permission because I had asked for it doing. Likewise when I got the top of my ear pierced when I was about ten, my DF took me but he asked my DM’s permission first. Parents should make decisions like that together imo.

Ex and I split when DS1 was 5 months old. We've tried (mostly) to work together and I'd always hope that whatever Ex did, it would always be in the interests of DS1. So stuff like ear piercings I think we'd speak about first then work out a compromise. Neither of us takes precedent when it comes to decisions and I don't think it works well when one parent tries to claim 'more rights' or 'final say' because, ultimately, we're both 50/50 in it.

Your DH needs to speak to ex telling her that they are BOTH parents of their DD andas such he has to be consulted over decisions like that. He should also tell her that he will take his child to the doctors if he feels she needs to go.
Is he named on the birth certificate? If so (from what I have learned on here) then they both have equal parental responsibility.

I am very pro the mother generally but your hubby sounds like a good dad so he needs to set out his stall with the ex wife. Wish my dad had been like this with me.
When she’s an adult Your sdaughter will know just how much her dad loved her and was willing to do for her- and that is priceless.

I think ear piercing is a big deal and should be discussed with both parents. I'm waiting for my dd to be old enough to decide if she wants her ears pierced. I think it's important that it is her decision based on understanding what having your ears pierced involves because it's her body. Not everyone agrees, some people think its better when they are babies coz they won't remember that it hurt. Some people don't think ear piercing is a big deal at all. Did your dp in the past discuss with his dd's mum that he'd like to be included in the decision to pierce their dd's ears? It might not have occurred to her that it would matter to him. If my ex took our dd to the gp then yes I would want to know, it's to do with the health of our dd. I also let him know about anything medical to do with our dd. Medical issues aren't really the same as getting your ears pierced and the dd's mum probably isn't thinking that they have the same level of importance.

Yes theybhave joint parental responsibility.. I just think it's the fact she likes the ' upper hand' with anything.
When he said he'd like to of had input her words were ' whatever'
Mature!

Like we say what's done is done.

It had just got me thinking if a dad had done it without mum permission it would be frowned upon.

I don't think that it would be frowned upon if was the dad. You would know your personal situation better than anyone else though. I have heard plenty of issues with a non parent eg. the grandparents or auntie took it upon themselves to pierce their grandchild's or niece's ears but I haven't come across a mum upset at the dad.

I think it depends on how involved the NRP is tbh.

My XH isn’t involved at all (his choice) in DS1s daily life so it wouldn’t occur to me to involve him, because he’s never been interested any other time.

However if he made a huge decision without consulting me I’d be raging because I am involved (obviously) in every aspect of DS1s life.

If your DH is an actively involved parent day to day, she should have consulted him.

DP flipped when his XW took DSD to get her tongue pierced for her 13th birthday, but that’s because she came to us 3 days later with a raging infection that XW hadn’t bothered to get treated and DSD was in agony.

The result was 2 teeth out, piercing out and antibiotics for 3 weeks!!!

I wish it was just banned until 16.

The ex should have checked first, it's a decision that is for life and young children with pierced ears can have nasty accidents and may contravene the schools uniform policy etc.

SoddingUnicorns
I think it depends on how involved the NRP is tbh. ... If your DH is an actively involved parent day to day, she should have consulted him.

This!

I don't see it as a major issue. Chances are the child asked for it at that age. If my dc had come back from a trip with their dad I'd have only worried if they had said he'd insisted and they didn't want it.

It's not a decision for life as the holes do close up if you take them out.

It’s possible your DP’s daughter didn’t feel comfortable asking him for a piercing, and felt better going to her mum. At 6 I think it was most definitely her decision and she probably went to the parent she felt most comfortable with.

I don’t get the fuss surrounding ear piercing tbh. I have boys so I suppose it’s less of a issue, but it wouldn’t particularly bother me if they wanted it done. Nor which parent took them.

I'd be livid if anyone took it on themselves to put holes in my DD's ears.

TBH I'd be tempted to prosecute for assault. It would be an interesting test case I think.

A 6 year old doesn't have capacity for legal consent so it's the adult that has done this not the child. If they were my child and I didn't consent, then I don't see how this isn't assault.

@M3lon - Ear piercing is not assault. What an idiotic post. Why don’t YOU waste your money losing that test case rather than encouraging OP to.

@DuchyDuke actually I do think previous poster has a point. It really should be the decision between both parents and under the legal definition, piercing really could be defined as assault. If someone walked up to my child and stabbed a hole through her skin, then just because it heals up, would it not be assault?

OP you are correct that you DP should be involved in the decision making if not simply because there would be a huge stink of a dad did it without the mother's consent. That alone is outdated and sexist.

Here's a link about one dad's experience taking his daughter to get her ears pierced. It doesn't go into consulting the other parent first but it is a dad's perspective on his daughter's request to have her ears pierced, how he responded, the experience of taking her to have it done and it was a really nice article.

goodmenproject.com/families/tmb-one-dad-went-amazing-lengths-see-daughter-ready-pierced-ears/

duchy so you'd have no problem with me piercing your ear without asking you then?

Oh and they don't always heal up.

Sometime there is permanent scarring. Sometimes you nearly die from the infection.

So yes, consent is very important.

Yeah I have no idea why piercing the ears of small children is legal.