More a WIBU to give up until September?

[Justturned50]

DS14 is just finishing year 9 and has been suffering from school refusal/anxiety since January. He missed most of the spring term due to panic attacks etc. We just couldn't get him to go to school. We thought this was based on a couple of unprovoked "assaults" he experienced in year 8 and some ongoing low level bullying that he'd been experiencing. A kind of PTSD.

We were assigned someone from the LA to work with us and the school to come up with a route back in. She has been amazing and the school have pretty much agreed to whatever she has asked them to do. We did have some success after Easter and he managed a few weeks of attending between one and three lessons a day. Each day bringing exhausting round of reassurance, coaxing and encouragement from me and/or DH and extreme efforts from DD himself. Lots of tears on both sides and one very brave boy facing his fears.

Since half term he hasn't been in at all. The longer break undid all of the work we'd all done and it was back to square one (or worse because he knows how hard it is).

At the same time the lady from LA has worked with him closely and suspects there is more to this than refusal based on fear. We have now been referred to ISCAN to look at ASD which is impacting on his view and understanding of the people and the world. We should hear by the end of July whether the referral has been accepted. She'll then work with him over the summer preparing him for assessments and to help him manage - on the assumption that she's identified the problem.

So finally getting to it... WIBU to call it a day on year 9? It's been an exhausting 6 months and I'm not sure we as a family can take much more. I'll work full time as does DH who has just gone back to work after sick leave from stress. Should we keep trying?

Anyone?

Could you afford to Home Ed for a couple of years to try to get 5 GCSEs? Then 6th form college? Sounds distressing for all of you.

YANBU. Would you try school again for year 10 or home school for a couple of years?

It’s three weeks to the end of term and you have shown that you are willing to work with the authorities and the school has shown a willingness to be flexible too, so my first instinct would be to say yes to leaving it until September, with the caveat that you need to keep the school informed and try to get their agreement, particularly in terms of how his absence is recorded.

Could you ask or would they be willing to provide work for him for these last few weeks? I guess my only worry would be the mechanics of getting him back in September after nine weeks off, especially since half term was only a week and upset the apple cart. But if he’s getting support from a specialist over the summer it could help him to start again in the new term. I guess ther would be a very gradually phased return in September. Year 10 is so important as the first year of G SE, particularly as the new curriculum starts.

I agree with the idea of getting some work so he can catch up a bit over the summer so he isn't going back into lessons where he has no idea what they are covering.

I wouldn't bother sending him in now but use the Summer to work on strategies to help support him based on information gathered from any assessments and other work carried out before he goes back.

I worry about home education as he'll become very isolated. Having missed almost two terms he's already list touch with his group of friends.

We did get work sent home at first but it's not always easy to know what he has to do. He's quite bright so I'm telling myself he'll still do ok if we can just get him attending regularly. They've already started the year 10 work in some some subjects and of course he's dropping many of the subjects.

Foxy September is my biggest worry but keep telling myself to park it as who knows what will happen before then.

Would he attend home ed groups or other non school things such as scouts?

If the lady from the LA is going to work with him over the summer, I would just leave leave it for the rest of this term, and hope that support over the summer will help with preparation for September.

Do you know when your DS will go to ISCAN panel? Here they meet weekly so hopefully if your area is the same you may get a decision fairly quickly.

Unfortunately though acceptance by ISCAN may just mean joining a waiting list. My DS was first referred last February. We were first referred to other services for assessment and reports. We were finally accepted by ISCAN in January this year, but are now stuck on a waiting list for ASD assessment.

Are there any other support services you can be referred to while you wait? We were offered details of several support services.

Shednick we've never been able to get him to try anything. Turns out that this may have been a symptom of how he thinks rather than preferring not to. You've reminded me though that he did show an interest in something a week or so ago so perhaps he can try that if we agreed that school is not required.

Spagetti I'm told they meet every 3 weeks so it shouldn't be long now. We have been warned that it's a long wait after that, but if he's accepted then we can seek the additional help and use techniques that should suit him based one the information in the referral. At least we'll feel like we're moving forward.