To want to leave dp

[8mileeminem]

Hi just a bit of background info, me and dp been together 10 years, not married, we have one child and have joint mortgage/ bank accounts etc.
I haven't been happy for years but always thought I'd stay for the sake of Dd, I nearly left 4 years ago but dp and his parents talked me around to staying and that he will change. I moved jobs in November and met a wonderful man and we hit it off straight away. We talked for months until he asked me to go for a drink in April. I went and really enjoyed his company. We have been seeing each other ever since. 2 months ago I told dp I wanted to leave, but again I feel like I'm trapped here and don't know what to do. I know I want to leave and work everything out with the other man, he has his own home and no children. But how do you actually go ahead and do it? Obviously there will be a lot of hurt people but I can't carry on living here anymore. Do we sell and then I find somewhere to rent , or other man has spoken about us living together eventually. I'm stuck with what to do for the best option for dd. Plus we have a dog which is classed as belonging to dd, rented places don't accept pets so what do we do with him?

Your behaviour is disgusting. You're having an affair and sneaking around behind your partners back. Horrible. Come on. People in happy marriages don't usually have affairs. It's easy to demonise the person who finds someone else, but the relationship is usually in a bad state before this. OP says she's been unhappy for years, and nearly left 4 years ago.

Wait, are you actually shagging the other man?! Christ

I rent and have two dogs, it's up to the landlord if they will accept pets. Personally I don't think you should tell him about the om especially if he's an angry guy it will make things worse, I've been with one of those so I know what it's like. Just explain how you're aren't happy and you want to split up, when you dd and dog are settled then you can think about how it will work out with your new guy. Good luck op x

My dd is completely my number 1 priority, I want to do what's best for her and I see that as being with me away from her father. She doesn't need to be brought up in an unhappy situation. I will add that dd met om the other day but nothing official, just a casual day out and we bumped into him. They got on really well but she doesn't know the details obviously only that he is a friend of mine. I have so much in common with om and nothing with my dp anymore. He's just not interested in spending any time with us but when it goes bad he gets his family involved in it all to make me feel worse than I already do .

I will need to sell yes as I can't take on the full mortgage on my wages.

Op

Tell your dp that it just isn’t working for you anymore. Tell him your mind is made up and there is no going back. Tell him the house needs to go on the market ASAP.

Cover your tracks very carefully. He will suspect another man.

Move out and stay with family member.

There is no other way to do it.

So we have had a discussion and the house is booked in for valuations next week. I've told dd yesterday and the only thing she's worried about is where the dog will go . He sat crying all evening and didn't want me to speak to him. Today he's been at work but sent me nasty messages saying it's the biggest mistake of my life to leave him etc etc and I will be sorry when I realise it.

Good luck. You all deserve better than this sad situation. Sounds like youve wasted enough time giving him chances. Trying to make it work etc etc life's too short.

Not all landlords are anti dogs. I am a landlord of two houses and two flats. I can't allow pets in the flats due to clauses in the lease from the freeholder.

I would allow them in the houses though as there are no such restrictions. My proviso would be that any damage is repaired at the tenant's own cost.

Some estate agents seem to automatically put no pets in their marketing blurb even if the landlord has not necessarily said that. Ask the landlord directly. Sometimes you might get a different answer.

Use your family's support to get out for now. Take your time then to look around for the right deal, and get the house onto the market.

So he came back from work and we had a chat, all sounded ok with regards to we will spilt everything 50.50, he will pay maintenance and have dd on certain days. All agreed. Then he was saying he wants another chance, I haven't given it long enough to work out etc. Then he got angry and told me to fuck off upstairs so he doesn't have to look at me. I went upstairs and lay on the bed. A few minutes later he's came up , telling me he's moving out as can't stay here with me and I can sort absolutely everything out with regards selling the house. He was swearing and shouting.

Emotionally abusive men always pull this type of stunt when relationships end. You have put up with his horrible behaviour for years.
Don't expect him to be reasonable OP.
As for the OM just keep him out of your situation because all hell will break loose if he finds out.
You have done well to stay with him for so many years.
Here's wishing you luck for your happy future

What a wonderful role model for your child you are.

After swearing and shouting at me he went downstairs and punched something so loud, door or wall. I went running down to see and I told him that is exactly the reason I want to leave and that he's punched a whole in the wall at our last house. I went back into the bedroom and heard him come up. He came over to me and I thought he was going to hurt me. He touched my chin and whispered in my ear that he's sorry for ruining my life. Then off he went and left the house. An hour later he came back but I have stayed upstairs since and not seen him yet. He keeps saying I haven't given it long enough to try and be together since we had our last discussion beginning of may. I do not want to be with this man but he won't let it sink in .

Your poor DD.

A dad with anger issues and a mum that cheats and introduces her affair to her child. Wonderful role models

You are blaming all of this on him and arent taking any responsibility for your own actions.

Your poor partner.

*Your poor DD.

A dad with anger issues and a mum that cheats and introduces her affair to her child. Wonderful role models hmm

You are blaming all of this on him and arent taking any responsibility for your own actions.*

This.

He doesn’t sound great but you are far from innocent. I hope your dd never has to know the finer details of this.

And poor dd. I never understand why someone jumps from one person to another. Dont introduce this boyfriend till your dd whilst you going through this mess you made as only confuse her. Let time pass (a year or two after you split) before you do. Id say this no matter what sex you were as its likely he wont be around for long and dd going to have a lot of uncles coming and goung in her life.

Personally op having read your update id leave partner but id also broke up with om as its a confusion you dont need. You need time on your own with just dd to heal

Be strong and go through with it, you’re in for a grotty few days/weeks/months but you’re life will be so much better whether or not new man works out down the line.

You clearly need to split , but don't do it assuming you can move on with om. Chances are he will lose some of his appeal once your homelife pressure is lifted and the excitement of illicit meetings subsides.