Sisters hen party

[coffeeeandtv]

Well Step sister.... so long story with quite a bit of back story, my SS is getting married in October, I'm quite a bit older and she is having a 'booze' party with her younger friends and has planned a hotel and spa for us more genteel types which include my step mum (who is 58) and a couple of our slightly older cousins, there's a trip to a pub in the evening, I love my SS she's a lovely lady but unfortunately we live 200 miles apart so mainly text/call/ FaceTime. We all agreed on the place, date and cost, I'm driving down on the Friday which means I'm unfortunately missing my nephews 18th birthday which I'm gutted about. So my AIBU is, I recently found out that my SS's best friend is bringing her 14 year old daughter who looks 11 but acts like she is 25, this 'child' dominates every event she attends as her mum refuses to discipline her and remind her not to be so disrespectful to others, her needs must be met at all times, I'm so upset and feel that this occasion will become the '14 year old show' and I'll miss being with my own 15,17 year old daughters and husbands fun loving family to be with a load of adults who will just appease the14 year old (there's no issue that my own daughters are not invited as they would choose to go to their cousins 18th as they are close and most of their friends are going)..... HELP I know I need to dig deep and find the courage to express how I feel just need to rant first.

I had a girly get together and one of the women brought her 12 yo who was supposed to stay in the bedroom quietly and watch movies on an ipad.

Nope.

That child was in the thick of it. Not only in the room we were in but interrupting conversations, and if you tried to obliquely say something couched she demanded an explanation. Not the adult girly weekend away we had anticipated at all.

It was topped off by mum giving the child a couple of glasses of alcohol to 'join in' My booze in my home. I stopped hosting after that.

Yorkshireyummymummy you are a star, I copied your post (amended slightly) and have received the following reply;
Hi coffee
Totally agree with everything you say and have been waiting for someone brave enough to message me this morning.... I'm glad you've all paid as I think ........ attending would make most pull out, yes, ...... is an undisciplined brat and I don't want her there but try as I may I can't convince ........ that her presence will spoil the event.
I've booked the Red Lion as a treat for Saturday night and theres no way she will be allowed in there with us. ....... is already complaining about having to pay for them both at the hotel so god knows how she will react to the lions prices.
I'm going to have to say something but you know what she's like..... I was hoping one of you lot would put something on the messenger page telling her that you don't want ....... to come.
Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhh I'am not going to be like this when I'm a mum, Thanks for understanding remind me never to get married again 😂😂

Ragwort another good idea to consider.

Any excuse to get out of it will do. I couldn’t imagine bringing a child to a hen do through anyway it’s an adult event.

Is the mother that close to SS that she can't just tell her a flat no?

Do your sis a favour then and be the one that starts it off in the group chat.

"A child attending a hen party is inappropriate. It will change the whole dynamic of the event and it's unfair to Dsis and the rest of us who want to enjoy ourselves without having to mind P's and Qs around a child. We are spending good money on a weekend that has somehow been hijacked into a teen sleepover. No thanks"

Surely the 14 year old won't be allowed in the spa? Tbh I understand your reluctance as there's is someone in my social circle whose 13 year old dd behaves in the same way (her dm allows her to drink and she gets tipsy and extra annoying). However a little brat shouldn't come between you and your dsis. Try to ignore her for the sake of your relationship.

@coffeeandtv

Oh! Thanks! I’m so pleased it worked. I thought Ssis might not have been overjoyed by a 14 year olds attendance.
Hopefully either you or someone else will put on the (group messenger??) that it’s not appropriate for a 14 year old to attend a hen do and you would feel uncomfortable with that.

I’m soooo pleased your Ssis messaged you back promptly and nicely- you obviously have a great relationship and she knows that whatever happens at her hen party you love her.
I hope the 18th, the hen do and the wedding all go fantastically and you look amazing at all threeevents. Sounds like you have a fun year planned. Enjoy it, because times like this with family are what make for amazing memories . X