NDN child walking home from school with us without asking us

[Bananaramaboat123]

NDN child who is 9, don't really have much to do with him, my ds is 4, so they don't know/mix with each other. About 100m from school oldest NDN child who is 11 was on the phone to parents telling mum that he was doing to a friends house, mum was at home, the 9 year old then tagged along saying x is going to x's house and I'm going with yous...

For context: Older child,11 is off to high school this sept and 9 year old has already said he'll have to talk with us or we have to take him to school...and last summer they were left to their own devices and be became childminders (everytime we would talk ds daily to the local parks, they would follow, in and out of our house ect, only wanting to play/come in house when they were bored/nothing else to do, then when something more interesting came along they dumped ds who was 3 at the time and leave him crying, eventually set boundaries and distaced ourselves as it was 6 hours a day they would be watched by us, no agreement with their parents/arrangements ect)

Last term their mother walked them to school with me and ds, then about 300m from the school she turned back leaving me with ds and the 2 NDN children...I stay with my DS until he lines up and goes in, the NDN's children are usually dropped off by another neightbour but this has stopped and they are left in playground for about 20 minutes before school starts.

In one way I feel they are not our responsibility, that no one has asked or even spoken to us, when DS is 9 I would never let him walk home with someone without discussing it with them or presume that they are OK with it. (for info NDN have very little English), we don't want a situation where it is just expected that will do this.And it's even more odd that their mother was home all day, she could have collected her child. My DH is torn and wants to be neighborly but we had issues with no boundaries and taking advantage.

How should we approach/handle this? I don't want to get people's backs up but neither do I want this to continue, and I am a little taken aback by the sheer cheekiness of it.

Thank you, this is what is bugging me, 9 yo was meant to walk home with 11 yo brother, he didn't , his mother could collected him, but did not, the 9 YO has never walked home alone before,he is always with his brother, and his brother has been allowed to walk to school alone the 9 yo would have been taken by another NDN in a car

How many ways can a 9 year old walk 300m home, if he doesnt walk the same way as you?

Either get a wriggle on when yours comes out, or hang about a bit and let him find his own way

the walk to school is 0.8m 15-20 minute walk, she walked the boys until the last 300m, we were all together, never said a thing and just turned around and went back, ok fair enough it was the last 300m which covered a busy main road.

Anyone who says why not let the child tag along, fair enough. But you know how it always happens? Next they want to go into your house, play with stuff, watch telly and eat dinner with you. I wouldn't be having this. The kid is not an orphan and the parents are responsible for him.
Btw, a 9 year-old is perfectly capable of walking home alone from school. He is not a toddler.

You really should have said about the busy road and longish walk earlier. I assumed not so. Speak to the school. Speak to social service about the children being left and tagging along with you this summer.

I can't see a problem (or imposition) for a 9 year old walking with you. If they normally walk with 11yr old they should know what they are doing.

If you don't want to childmind/have them in the house/take them to the park. I think this is separate and just say no! "Sorry we can't take you to the park today" "DS is busy today" etc

This happened to my friend. As she always passed another friend's house they would just look out for her and then the daughter was pushed out the house and my friend ended up responsible for another child on the school run.

All those people who say well you are walking to school anyway, how would you feel if you had another child foisted onto you just because you are also doing a school run?

I would talk to the child if you don't feel that the mother will stop. Explain you want to spend time with your own son both to and from school. Stop letting them in in summer.

Also definitely speak to school about it especially regarding summer.

I've had similar - boy was told by his Mum to walk back with us but mother never spoken to me - that's true to this day. It was fine till untill it wasn't.

If I had to see someone in school and wasn't walking back boy straight away complained - if I wasn't there as my children didn't need pick up for some reason he was quiet impertinent asking why I wasn't there, complaining if he was late out and we didn't wait.

It got very annoying - I think at 9 it was grey area if he was supposed to walk back himself and some of that year 6 were bullies.

I think circumstances made us less reliable in summer term – we were going different routes or needing stuff at school office and my Dc started clubs. He started walking home with others – this year he’ll walk occasionally but doesn’t have same expectations.

Year before that friend of my youngest mother informed me I could pick her child up and drop her to their house ad I had to pass it. She was a SAHM. Mother first languages wasn’t English though she been here many years still struggles to understand but I did get through that that wasn't possible as school wouldn’t realise her youngest to me.

Still got a demand first day of secondary when our eldest started to go to her house 20-minutes in wrong direction and pick her secondary school child up and walk her to secondary, now 30 minutes away, with my daughter also starting that day. How I was supposed to get my youngest to primary school I don’t know - that was a firm NO.

Why would you not let him walk with you?

I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

At a base level, many 9 year olds are a bit annoying and a tad precocious. Life is to short for that shit!

I'd want the time for chatting to my own small child, not minding someone else's

At a base level, many 9 year olds are a bit annoying and a tad precocious. Life is to short for that shit!

^ this. Other people's 9yo's can be really irritating if you don't have kids that age yourself.

Honestly I don’t see the issue.

You assumed responsibility so don’t. You let him into your house so don’t.

Your child cannot be aby company for a 9 year old so just keep walking and chat to your own child.

The issue is only there because you made it one.