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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Best Friend vs England in Quarter finals - AIBU?

44 replies

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 19:03

Hi - please lovely mumsnetters a sanity check if you will ? I love my best friend very much and about 2 months ago I promised I would be a stand in for her for 4 hours at her work (same profession , different workplace) as she had important things to do and none of her colleagues could cover and she was desperate. of course I said yes as I KNOW she would so the same for me . Of course , there is a rather important football match on at 3pm ...so I work away all week every week leaving DH in charge of house and 3 footie- loving boys. DH is very upset that I have to work on Saturday and will not be able to watch it with them - I have not been able to watch any of the England matches so far as have been away and he was especially looking forward to us all watching it together . I am gutted - but to me , a promise is a promise and I cannot let best friend down . DH cannot believe I would choose to work a few hours rather than watching this 'historic' match with the children ie am choosing work over the family. As I say , i am gutted but a promise is a promise. Who is BU ? Thank you in advance x

OP posts:

Lockheart · 04/07/2018 19:55

Interesting how different the responses on this thread are to the wedding one!

OP YANBU. It’s disappointing, but like you said, you’ve made a promise.

Original poster

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 19:55

ok just checked and it was 1st June ....if that matters . way before he or I were thinking about the world cup .

OP posts:

Original poster

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 19:58

yes I saw that thread Lockhart - do you think it's comparable ? weddings are a big deal obviously! I am not sure what I would do in that situation - if you can't beat them join them I think . ? but I suppose to some people football is evwything. For DH that is not so much the issue - it's the thought of us all missing out experiencing it together .

OP posts:

GeorgeTheHippo · 04/07/2018 20:02

Is it bollocks historic.

Honeypickle · 04/07/2018 20:06

Could he and your boys record it, go in complete radio silence in the house, until you get home - and then you all watch it together when you get home??

Original poster

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 20:08

do u know what honey - that is a bloody BRILLIANT idea - might just work a solution ....hmmmm going to ring him now xx

OP posts:

Honeypickle · 04/07/2018 20:17

Good luck! Hope it works out!

Original poster

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 20:54

didn't go well .to put things in context, DH is out of work and has been since April . I have gone back to work full time as a locum and he is really struggling doing the home stuff. He has now got the major hump and has shouted down the phone that he thinks I am not trying hard enough to find a replacement and he is so disappointed as he wanted to watch it like he has the last 10 world cups, in a place with atmosphere . ie the pub and he really NEEDS this to let OFF steam and he is incredulous that there is NO ONE to cover at such short notice. bearing in mind this is in 4 days' time . back to feeling shit again . wish I had never said yes . I know he is finding it hard - but I don't think I can do any more than I am doing. I would not be choosing to be away obvs but it is where the best money is to support all of us.

OP posts:

Honeypickle · 04/07/2018 21:07

Was he planning on taking your 3 boys to the pub to watch it??

Original poster

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 21:09

nope. He is just cross .

OP posts:

RavenLG · 04/07/2018 21:14

FiestaThenSiesta if you're the type of person that would drop a friend in the shit then that's your deal. OP seems to have more respect for people.

Honestly, he's being really selfish, when is YOUR downtime if he is expecting you to look after the kids alone all weekend, after working all week and supporting the family? He's being incredibly selfish.

FurryDogMother · 04/07/2018 21:15

So he wants you at home, watching it with the kids, whilst he goes and immerses himself in the pub atmosphere?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 04/07/2018 21:15

He sounds like a selfish brat - I'm not sure why you or he thinks you should be at his beck and call. I don't like that you kept asking him if it was okay and now wishing you'd never said yes- you shouldn't have to double and tripple check with him in order to do a mate a favour. Moody behaviour is a form of control and abuse. He said he was okay with it and is now pulling the rug from under you and laying on the guilt when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Besides, work is important, especially since you are the only one earning.

I suspect this is less about him enjoying family time with you and more about him having to watch his own kids instead of getting pissed in the pub and you watching them.
If he was mine I'd tell him to get a fucking grip and stop whining. Don't indulge moody, childish, manipulation.

Original poster

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 21:43

thank you all - yes he is incredibly self centred and I am as guilty of indulging/ making allowances to him in the past. I have let people down socially with things before esp this friend as - hard as she finds it - she always understands how difficult he is. this is why I have asked you all for my sanity check - have asked MN collective before and it always gives me the balls I need to stand my ground !

OP posts:

Original poster

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 21:45

I do think however in his defence, he is very low atm ddmue to the no work thing . I understand that- it's hard if you have worked all your kid ego then go to no job and running a busy house on your own. I did it on maternity leave and it is no picnic !

OP posts:

winterisstillcoming · 04/07/2018 21:47

He doesn't deserve it but can you get a sitter for the kids?

Or suggest he finds someone to sit or he invites a mate round to watch it with him?

I can understand if he has had the kids all week and needs a break but you did run it by him before you said yes.

RandomMess · 04/07/2018 21:49

He is just throwing a hissy fit because he can't get pissed with his mates watching the match, he's not wanting to watch with you at all is he?

Original poster

Curtains77 · 04/07/2018 22:06

yes I think so . Aside from all the other things going on here - i have offered a couple of alternative plans suggested on here and ultimately I just can't do any more. I am off to bed as too tired to think about it any more ! thank you all so much for taking the time to post xx you all rock !

OP posts:

FiestaThenSiesta · 07/07/2018 18:54

@RavenLG
“FiestaThenSiesta if you're the type of person that would drop a friend in the shit then”that's your deal. OP seems to have more respect for people.“

You seem to be the type of person who reads A and decides it means Z. I’m the type of person who would prioritise spending the weekend with my children (when I don’t see them over the week) so when my friend was asking me for a favour to work on the weekend, I would say sorry... my kids come first. Wow, what an asshole that makes me

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