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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sibling cancels theatre trip at last minute AIBU

23 replies

ImSuchABigIdiot · 04/07/2018 18:29

Arranged to go to the theatre with sibling last week.

The play was cancelled at the last minute by the theatre so the theatre booked us on for another performance of the play tonight.

I texted sibling at 10 this morning to ask if they were still coming - they said yes.

I then texted them half an hour ago and they’ve just rung me to say they’re not feeling well and can’t go anymore.

AIBU to find this really unfair of them? They haven’t apologised. I find it really last-minute.

OP posts:

JacquesHammer · 04/07/2018 18:31

Do they have form for this?

Otherwise I think they were probably leaving it until the last minute to see if they were well enough.

Go by yourself and enjoy it anyway

magoria · 04/07/2018 18:31

Really? They are not feeling good! Why don't you ask what is wrong and if there is anything you can do for them then go on your own?

Original poster

ImSuchABigIdiot · 04/07/2018 18:32

Yes they have form for this.

OP posts:

Original poster

ImSuchABigIdiot · 04/07/2018 18:34

They’ve still kindly offered to cook dinner for me at their house tonight and have asked they want me to come around and visit them. I don’t understand how they feel well enough to host and cook dinner but not to go to the theatre.

OP posts:

onalongsabbatical · 04/07/2018 18:38

Is there a possibility your sibling suffers from agoraphobia and/or anxiety and is too ashamed to tell you?

HollowTalk · 04/07/2018 18:38

That is really grasping at straws, @onalongsabbatical!

onalongsabbatical · 04/07/2018 18:41

No, it's a suggestion of something that could be happening. It might not be, but it could be. So I suggested it.

GraffitiArtistTV · 04/07/2018 18:42

So because they aren't going, they expect you to go either?

pasturesgreen · 04/07/2018 18:44

Meh, mildly annoying but no biggie. Just go by yourself and enjoy your evening!

Loopytiles · 04/07/2018 18:45

Who paid for the tickets? Who has the physical tickets?

Suggest texting everyone local to see if anyone wants the spare ticket for free to go with you, or just going alone.

Loopytiles · 04/07/2018 18:45

If they’re not genuinely ill, as it seems you suspect, they’re BU. If they’re too ill to go out it’s odd to offer to host!

Original poster

ImSuchABigIdiot · 04/07/2018 18:46

I will be going. I’ve asked my flatmates but unfortunately they can’t make it as it’s obviously quite short notice.

OP posts:

Original poster

ImSuchABigIdiot · 04/07/2018 18:47

If they’re not genuinely ill, as it seems you suspect, they’re BU. If they’re too ill to go out it’s odd to offer to host!

Exactly, Loopy. They also have form for cancelling at the last minute and then saying that they wish they’d gone to events they’d cancelled.

OP posts:

POPholditdown · 04/07/2018 18:48

I find it much easier to do something at home when I’m ill (where I can put my feet up or not bother with hair makeup etc), than deal with crowds, people I don’t know, getting dressed etc. But tbf I’m like this on any given day😁

milliemolliemou · 04/07/2018 18:52

I'm with POP - easier to stay at home if feeling dodgy esp if it's a long hot tube/bus/drive into town. Take the tickets along, see if anyone else wants them? local FB site? Bit late now since curtain will be up soon, but enjoy.

ButterChickenwithyellowrice · 04/07/2018 18:55

Just go alone. These things happen. I regularly go to the theatre alone- theatre go-ers are generally sociable people who chat- you won't feel lonely.

Original poster

ImSuchABigIdiot · 04/07/2018 19:01

Thanks everyone :) I’ll definitely go anyway.

I’m just unsure now about how to approach making future plans with my sister in case she cancels. How do you deal with making plans with people who often cancel last-minute? I find it rude but clearly she doesn’t mind.

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 04/07/2018 19:14

How do you deal with making plans with people who often cancel last-minute?

I don't. At least I don't make 'one on one' plans with them. I either plan on going alone in the first place or I find other people to make plans with and if the 'canceller' wants to tag along fine.

Just make sure that you never depend on the 'canceller' for transportation and make sure they pay for their own ticket ahead of time!

queenrollo · 04/07/2018 19:20

They also have form for cancelling at the last minute and then saying that they wish they’d gone to events they’d cancelled.

This exactly describes the period of my life when my social anxiety was at its peak. I kept arranging to do stuff, hoping I could keep the anxiety in check and then at the last minute have to drop out.

Have you ever confronted her about why she does it? Some people are just feckless, and some people don't know how to admit to their anxiety.

Original poster

ImSuchABigIdiot · 04/07/2018 19:27

I think she does have anxiety. She hardly ever talks about it directly but will sometimes mention it. She works in quite a stressful job and has mentioned how she sometimes feels anxious at work. So I’m not sure if she generally feels anxious or if she has social anxiety.

I - and other family members - have said to her that we’re there for her and that we really want to try and help her. She doesn’t really like being given advice or guidance though so it can be a bit difficult - she sees being given advice as being told what to do. I’m finding it difficult to know how to help her.

OP posts:

Original poster

ImSuchABigIdiot · 04/07/2018 19:29

I think that, with the last-minute cancellations and turning up late for things, this has become routine and expected.

As she has done this for so long now, maybe it’s difficult for her to see how she can approach things differently.

OP posts:

onalongsabbatical · 04/07/2018 19:35

I’m finding it difficult to know how to help her. well, not coming on a public forum and saying that you find it unfair might be a start.

Loopytiles · 04/07/2018 19:55

There is good advice online on understanding and helping people close to us with anxiety.

Suggest simplifying plans.

Flip