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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to the gym

25 replies

Princess9891 · 04/07/2018 17:50

Cause apparently I am! Got a month free of a gym membership and really want to go and lose some weight. I am currently 5'5 and 80kg. I feel horrible and just want to better myself.

DP doesn't want me to go. He says I am fine the way I am and I don't need to change!

That's very sweet but I would think I get the final say on what happens to my body and how it makes me feel!?

He isn't going to stop me going but I know full well I'm going to get comments when I get back to make me feel guilty cause I am leaving him "all by himself" to look after our baby DD.

Argh. I am so frustrated!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 04/07/2018 17:53

Go!

I bet he regularly leaves you "all by yourself" looking after your dd. Such double standards.

Wolfiefan · 04/07/2018 17:54

Do you never look after DD "all by yourself?!" Hmm
It's great he loves you as you are but I worry about the motivation of trying to stop you going out and getting fitter. Is he usually jealous or controlling?

argumentativefeminist · 04/07/2018 17:55

He's not letting you do something you want to do, so that he can laze around because he can't be arsed to parent. You're not being unreasonable.

Confusedbeetle · 04/07/2018 17:58

You go because its something you want to do and you will enjoy it. He may like you the way you are but should not stop you doing something like this. If he's awkward get a babysitter

arethereanyleftatall · 04/07/2018 18:00

The only way he would have a point is if he doesn't get the same amount of down time.

LordNibbler · 04/07/2018 18:03

Is it that he doesn't want you to go to gym, or is it that he simply doesn't want to look after his own baby?

ranoutofquinoa · 04/07/2018 18:35

Go I started just a couple of classes really early in the morning and my DH just whinge once about having to look after the kids! He was soon given short shrift as the maximum he has to do is throw cereal at them! He's now very encouraging as he's seen how it's affects my mood!Wink

megletthesecond · 04/07/2018 18:38

Go to the gym. He's being a dick.

Original poster
Princess9891 · 04/07/2018 21:10

I've come to lay in bed. I'm so down. All I wanted to do was better myself but he has really laid it on thick with the guilt like I'm abandoning my child!

For reference I do the bulk of child care he does nights mostly he does work full time but she barely wakes up at night anymore. I give him weekend lay ins.

It's never good enough. Am always made to feel guilty or bad for something. Why bother. I'll just carry on feeling shit about my appearance. Doesn't matter does it cause HE thinks I look good enough, who cares about my feelings on the subject.

OP posts:
9amTrain · 04/07/2018 21:25

Go!!!

Wolfiefan · 04/07/2018 21:29

He didn't want you to go?
He guilted you so you didn't go?
GO!!!
He's a parent too. He can cope.
You need to care enough about your feeling to do what makes you happy.

Original poster
Princess9891 · 04/07/2018 21:31

Too late now. It is a 24 hour gym but it's not nearby. Was gonna go at 7pm for an hour and I'd have been back by now.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 04/07/2018 21:33

Does he often kick off like this to get his own way? Very unattractive. Could you go for half an hour?

confusedandemployed · 04/07/2018 21:33

It really does sound to me like you have more to worry about than getting to the gym.

halfwitpicker · 04/07/2018 21:37

Er, get your ass to the gym lady NOW

MIdgebabe · 04/07/2018 21:37

Children have to learn that parents are not always there. Children need to learn how to cope. You want a child who grows up strong and independent.. Mums need to look after themselves in order to properly look after their children. They need time away from the child to reflect. I will guilt youbthe other way: You would be a bad mum if you don't start going to the gym. gym is especially good as it's teaching children that exercise is good.

halfwitpicker · 04/07/2018 21:38

He sounds very controlling

parklives · 05/07/2018 10:08

He sounds horrid.
This is the thin edge of the wedge op.
You need to assert yourself as a person, not just a wife and mother.
If he won't allow that I would leave.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 05/07/2018 10:13

Whether or not you go to the gym is really beside the point. It seems your DH's issue is that you're leaving him with the baby. Why not just agree that you each get one or two evenings a week to relax while the other looks after the baby and you can spend your time at the gym if you choose. If you want to go to the gym for hours every evening then yes YABU. A few times a week YANBU as long as he gets to go out and relax too!

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 05/07/2018 10:15

Reading your update your DH is definitely BU. He basically thinks you should be on call 24-7 for the baby while he gets lie ins and is never expected to take one on one responsibility for the baby.

fieryginger · 05/07/2018 11:07

Sounds controlling. Red flag.

CrackerCrisp · 05/07/2018 11:10

For goodness sake go. He doesn’t want you to go because he has to do a bit of parenting. He’s a shit. Make sure you get to the gym and ignore his bullshit.

HildaZelda · 05/07/2018 11:17

He sounds very controlling in a number of ways telling you that in 'his' opinion you look fine and not wanting you to go to the gym.

Also, not wanting to look after his own child is not on. Is he one of those men that says he has to 'babysit' his child? It's not babysitting, it's parenting.

He shouldn't be getting weekend lie ins all the time either. Fair enough if he's up for work early during the week, but presumably you're up early too with your baby. It should be something like you get a Saturday lie in, he gets a Sunday lie in etc.

Please go the gym. It's what you want to do and you're perfectly entitled to.

Shoxfordian · 05/07/2018 11:19

He's just lazy and he can't be bothered to look after his child so he's trying to guilt you out of it
Go to the gym next time

yy558 · 05/07/2018 11:37

Whatever happens. You need to be the healthiest version of your self if not for your child.

Sounds extreme but if you need to , take your child to the gym with you and strap them in a baby chair/stroller. Then do your workout. I've seen people do that on instagram...lol

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