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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For telling off someone elses child?

45 replies

Hilllary · 26/05/2007 09:38

Ok my neighbour was going to walk along the beach with me and my two dd's but she was a bit tired and decided to stay home and send her eldest son along to look after her dd (age 4) instead. Another neighbour tagged along too age 14. Anyway we were sitting on the beach having a picnic when her dd age 4 decided I'm going home! She then legged it up the beach up the steps and onto the road like a lizzard on sand, her brother legged it after her but couldnt keep up and lost her So I left my dd's with the 14 year old and pegged it after her (I run alot and can be fast especially with added adrenallin(sp?).

I caught up with her and grabbed her, (she was about 50 yards down the very busy main road I got down to her level and shouted at her pointing at the road and telling her she was a very very naughty girl etc then I dragged (for want of a better word) back to the beach, she was having a terrible tantrum so I strapped her into her buggy and we all ignored her until she stopped shouting (no tears just pure anger). After she 15 mins of screaming she stopped so I went over to her and asked for an appology stating how dangerous it was her running off like that. She appologised and sat down - she didnt put a foot wrong for the rest of the afternoon. (her brother said she had never appologised before and their mother was at her whitts end trying to control her)

So should I have stepped in, not usually something I do but it was a very dangerous situation & I acted on impulse

OP posts:

fillyjonk · 26/05/2007 10:39

hillary does it really matter what I would do?

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think you were scared

Possibly because I have worked in childcareish jobs, albeit many moons ago, I don't use the "naughty" word, I wouldn't drag, I don't demand apologies etc.

to be quite honest, in this situation I would have probably, if at all possible, have just taken her home. I know that might have been logistically hard but...thats what I would have done, especially when with a child who I didn't know well, and whose parents I didn't know well.

I am NOT saying you should have done this. I know its VERY hard to judge a situation if you are not there. But I think that's probably what I'd have done, even if it meant inconveniance for me. And made a mental note not to take her out again if she's hard work.

Rusty · 26/05/2007 10:53

GrandMasterHumphreyLyttelton - did your nanny teach you not to climb on grand pianos?

zookeeper · 26/05/2007 12:59

why does she have a buggy at the age of four?

MamaG · 26/05/2007 13:59

Original poster

Hilllary · 26/05/2007 20:26

Zookeeper I guess its because she runs off

OP posts:

Twiglett · 26/05/2007 20:28

spot on

Justaboutmanaging · 27/05/2007 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slowreader · 27/05/2007 21:41

Of course you were right. A French woman grabbed my daughter (age 6) in St Malo screamed at her in French. DD was just about to launch herself over city walls (quick way down to the beach). I was utterly grateful.

duchesse · 27/05/2007 21:50

God yeah. You were the authority figure, and what you did clearly worked since she calmed down and apologised. Points to you I should say. You may have to give masterclasses to her mum after this.

elsieanjoanne · 27/05/2007 22:01

i agree if my dd was doing something that would get her into danger i would thank you for shouting dragging her! i know the drag you mean the skippity hoppity im not walking you will walk holding my hand =drag. if she didnt like it her mother should not let her out without someone to controll her dd

duchesse · 27/05/2007 22:02

God yeah= heartfelt NO, you were not being unreasonable.

PassiveAggressivePaula · 27/05/2007 22:03

It sounds like you coped admirably, Hillary.

ScottishMummy · 27/05/2007 22:19

u deserve a bloody medal - u saved another mum child from potential roadkill.well done u

chacha3 · 27/05/2007 22:27

u def done the right thing hillary! does not matter if she was running along side road or attempting to cross! she could have fallen, tripped onto road! anything could have happened she could have got lost! anything! the girls mum should be thanking u!! well done!!

handlemecarefully · 27/05/2007 22:39

I don't think I would fault you on any aspect of how you handled the situation.

Hurtling off at speed towards a main road doesn't need kid glove treatment - it requires firm, authoritative action

nightowl · 27/05/2007 23:10

not unreasonable hillary. having a dd like mine i fully understand. just to have dd running along a main road would be an accident waiting to happen.

think your shouting probably was fright/panic and had you been looking after my dd i would not have a problem at all with what you did.

it wont scar her for life, it wont have any impact on her, it was an impulsive reaction and you took her away from danger by means that were necessary at that moment.

just cant imagine someone going home to parents and saying "im truly sorry i let your dd get run over, but i thought you wouldnt like me shouting at her".

ScummyMummy · 27/05/2007 23:17

I think you did fine. You were looking after her, so your rules apply. If the family aren't happy with your rules they shouldn't leave their children with you.

Original poster

Hilllary · 28/05/2007 10:02

thank you for your kind replies, I saw the little girl and her mum yesterday and the little girl said 'I was very naughty the other day wasnt I?! I could have got run over, cos cars cant see me can they?!'

She hadn't forgotten about it, I dont think her mum had actually explained to her why she couldnt run off or cross roads etc, just not to do it. I did appologise to the mother and she, just said - oh she's a nightmare child I thought she was a sweet little thing who just needed a little explaining to so she could understand the reasons for rules etc.

Thank you for all your comments, very reassuring

OP posts:

colditz · 28/05/2007 10:05

Hilllary

You may have saved this child's life, not just this time, but for every time she would otherwise have run across the road because her mother's too dense to expain why she mustn't. Or because she had no sense of fear. A healthy fear of crossing a very busy road is essential for childhood survival, IMHO. And, I may add, if the mother thinks her daughter is such a nightmare child, what wasd she playing at handing her over to a 14 year old boy to look after? Could it be this happens a lot?

Be proud of yourself.

mumeeee · 28/05/2007 18:04

You did the right thing,

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