Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For telling off someone elses child?

45 replies

Hilllary · 26/05/2007 09:38

Ok my neighbour was going to walk along the beach with me and my two dd's but she was a bit tired and decided to stay home and send her eldest son along to look after her dd (age 4) instead. Another neighbour tagged along too age 14. Anyway we were sitting on the beach having a picnic when her dd age 4 decided I'm going home! She then legged it up the beach up the steps and onto the road like a lizzard on sand, her brother legged it after her but couldnt keep up and lost her So I left my dd's with the 14 year old and pegged it after her (I run alot and can be fast especially with added adrenallin(sp?).

I caught up with her and grabbed her, (she was about 50 yards down the very busy main road I got down to her level and shouted at her pointing at the road and telling her she was a very very naughty girl etc then I dragged (for want of a better word) back to the beach, she was having a terrible tantrum so I strapped her into her buggy and we all ignored her until she stopped shouting (no tears just pure anger). After she 15 mins of screaming she stopped so I went over to her and asked for an appology stating how dangerous it was her running off like that. She appologised and sat down - she didnt put a foot wrong for the rest of the afternoon. (her brother said she had never appologised before and their mother was at her whitts end trying to control her)

So should I have stepped in, not usually something I do but it was a very dangerous situation & I acted on impulse

OP posts:
MamaG · 26/05/2007 09:39

I don't really see what else you could have done. Did you discuss it with your neighbour afterwards? Iwouldn't have had a problem with it.

NuttyMuffins · 26/05/2007 09:39

I don't think you were wrong to tell her off, but you were wrong to shout and drag her along IMO.

Budababe · 26/05/2007 09:40

Def OK in my book. You were in loco-parentis even thought the brother was there. And what she did was dangerous. She needs to learn that she can't do that.

Freckle · 26/05/2007 09:41

I don't understand why you are even asking that question. Of course you should have done so. Your neighbour had placed you in the position of in loco parentis, so it was your duty to act as a parent (although it seems the child's own mother isn't doing too good a job of it if this is the first time she has apologised).

She needed to learn that what she did was dangerous and that such behaviour will not be tolerated.

What did you tell her mother?

MamaG · 26/05/2007 09:41

I think the shouting was probably part panic

Original poster
Hilllary · 26/05/2007 09:42

It was a kind of part drag/carry she was heavy and wiggly & not very cooperative IYKWIM.

I did shout as I was terrified and she was not seeing it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hilllary · 26/05/2007 09:46

I did tell the mother and she just said 'oh right ok' so not sure wether she was upset/angry or fine with it. I have only spoke to them a couple of times so can really judge them, so I thought I'd ask the MN Jury

OP posts:
edam · 26/05/2007 09:48

Can't believe you are even asking, tbh, you did the right thing. Good God, you saved her from being run over!

Chandra · 26/05/2007 10:00

I think you only acted the way you would have with one of your DDs. I respect that, I have been told off big time by a mother when I shouted "stop" to her toddler that was about to fall in the river. So I tend to back off afraid of parents taking it wrong, but if child is under your responsaibility and the child is really gettting in such danger, what else could you do?

I would be thankful, although I know a couple of mums who would have grilled me for "doing that" to her children.

kimi · 26/05/2007 10:08

Well done you I would have done the same.

niceglasses · 26/05/2007 10:12

You did the right thing (and I'm usually a bit touchy about telling other pples kids off) but you had no choice - it was a safety issue.

FrannyandZooey · 26/05/2007 10:14

Was she running into the road though or just along it? I agree you had to catch her, but am not sure if what she was actually doing was so very dangerous.

I wouldn't be at all happy if someone dragged my ds along, then strapped him into his buggy and left him screaming there for 15 mins, whatever he had done.

But I obviously would have been glad you had run to get him away from the traffic.

Which bit is it that you are worried about?

GrandMasterHumphreyLyttelton · 26/05/2007 10:14

A big reaction to a potentially lethal accident is fine I think.

If you neighbour gets the arse about it
a) you won't be left in charge of the child again, but you can probably do without the stress of that
b) she would be beyond arsey if her daughter had been hurt in your care.

Better a pissed off woman next door than a dead child on your conscience.

I have done v similar and would do the same again.

lulumama · 26/05/2007 10:14

crikey...you saved her life and got her to behave well the rest of the afternoon !!

no question at all you did the right thing

My DS ran off from me in the park once, and when i caught up with him i gave him such a shouting at ! relief and panic made me lose all sense of reason !

lilmamma · 26/05/2007 10:15

I would have done the same,my niece is 5 and she is a little horror,she kicks her mum and gives cheek, and she runs off,she kicked me once and it bloody hurt so i kicked her back in front of her mum.I shouted at her saying that hurt me,I kicked her and said do you like it,she howled more,and i said to her mum if she kicks me again i will kick her again and so should you.She never did it to me again,but still does to her mum,for some reason that kids loves me.always hugging me and wanting to stay with me,weird child or what.

FrannyandZooey · 26/05/2007 10:16

Did she save her life? Was she in the road?

niceglasses · 26/05/2007 10:18

But she could have run into the road surely?

Well my 4 yr old aint so good at the difference btwn road and pavement.

FrannyandZooey · 26/05/2007 10:21

Well, she could have, but was she? I don't know. Running off and running into the road are two different things IMO, but it wasn't a great situation either way.

Original poster
Hilllary · 26/05/2007 10:22

Sorry had to dart off dd1 was being fed by dd2

Yes she was headding accross the road, we have a path then a cycle road then the main road, she was on the edge of the cycle road/main road Hence grabbing her.

When she appologised we dropped the whole issue and went on to better things and I praised her when she was walking nicely etc. She was lovely child then.

I was just a bit unsure as her mother had sent her older brother along to keep an eye on her.

OP posts:
Freckle · 26/05/2007 10:23

A child running alongside a busy road is an accident waiting to happen. They have no sense of danger or boundaries at that age (as in where the pavement stops and the road begins).

I really can't believe that anyone thinks that scenario isn't dangerous.

Freckle · 26/05/2007 10:24

Well, the brother wasn't doing such a great job, was he?

What on earth would you have done if the 14 year old hadn't been there to look after your dds??

fillyjonk · 26/05/2007 10:25

ok i think you were panicked and your reaction was understandable

I wouldn't be 100% happy tbh, no. I do realise I am going to get flack for that, and have donned suitable attire but...no, I wouldn't be happy really.

I think your reaction is 100% understandable if derived from panic, and I am not judging you at all, but tbh the dragging, the making her apologise, the shouting, and the strapping in a pushchair...all 100% understandable but not desirable IYSWIM. Thats just my take on parenting, tbh my kids wouldn't be off down the beach with a neighbour I didn't know well anyway, for this sort of reason.

I can also see that you are probably pretty shaken. Looking after other people's kids is hard !

I wouldn't read anything into her good behaviour. She will have been a bit shocked, and upset, and wanting to be nice to you after the argument-thats how 4 yos are. Kids DO play their parents up much much more than relative strangers!

FrannyandZooey · 26/05/2007 10:27

Who said it wasn't dangerous? However my ds is perfectly capable of walking along a road and not running into it, and I wouldn't expect the situation to be treated the same way in both cases. Hilllary has now said she was headed into the road anyway.

FrannyandZooey · 26/05/2007 10:29

as usual Filly has said it better than me

Original poster
Hilllary · 26/05/2007 10:34

Fillyjonk I wouldnt leve my dd's with a stranger either, Her brother was looking after her but he lost her so it was a point of me getting her of her being hurt or even killed. My dd's wouldn't run off either and my eldest is 3, my dd even told her she as naughty for running off and that cars couldnt see her as she was too small I didnt just tell her off I did explain to her the dangers in a raised voice :

'You naughty girl you must not run off like that its very dangerous, look at those cars they are going very fast and they can not seey you!' etc..

I had to get her back to the group some how and she was not in a willing to cooperate, I didnt drag her with her heels in the ground but I did make her walk with me not letting go as she was telling me 'Yes I am going home and you will not stop me'

I had to strap her into her push chair as she would have been gone.

Its not something I enjoy doing and not something I planned but how do you stop or contain a child in this situation?

What would you have done?

OP posts: