DH and I both work (very) full time jobs, but mine is flexible and his totally isn't. He absolutely must be at his place of work in the afternoon and evening. This means I do pretty much everything relating to childcare when DCs (3, 8 and 11) are not in school or nursery. More than actually the doing it is the famous mental load: we have gradually come to a situation where I just think of everything and arrange everything and am just on top of everything, and he is not at all. He does not like being in that situation. Of course it makes sense for me to (for example) think about the food for the coming week, do the shopping on line for it, because I am going to cook it, and know who is coming to play or who needs a packed lunch on Tuesday, or whatever. Of course it makes sense for me to deal with school admin, because I'm the one that takes the letters out of bookbags. etc etc etc etc. In my DHs defence, after I moaned about this before, he agreed to get up with the kids every day and give them breakfast - obviously I am getting up then too, and of course I pitch in, but he starts work later so could be in bed then. He comes home after the rest of us are in bed (which isn't what he'd choose, and it is knackering). He also works at weekend a lot. He doesn't have a choice about these hours and neither of us has any time for hobbies or whatever - it isn't that he is off playing golf while I cook the tea. He is around a lot more in the school holidays in the day times so gets to spend lots of time with the DC then - but of course, that's a lot easier than the daily term time grind of homework, clubs, projects, etc. I know he would contribute more if there was a sensible way of arranging that. I am not sure he would become instantly an equal player - I don't think in a million years it would occur to him to buy a birthday present for another child before a party, or de-limescale the shower, or anything not immediately obvious. But I know he would do more. It isn't really a question of fault. But I find I get resentful of the fact that because of the way our jobs work, I'm basically left doing all the hard parenting and the home maintenance (we have a cleaner but only for half a day - the standard stuff, not all the extra bits that everyone knows go in to making a home). Has anyone else been in a similar situation and found a way not to let the resentment build? AIBU to think there isn't really a solution to this?