Knowing when mental health is NOT affecting your friendship choices

[WhaleofaThyme]

A friend (let's called her Lucy) was just asking me if I am excited about another friend (let's call her Mary) moving back to our area in a couple of weeks. Truthful answer, which I said is that it would have no impact on me.

Mary invited me for engagement drinks, but then I wasn't invited to the wedding. Got pregnant and had a baby which I only found out about a week later; no thank you for the gift that I dropped off at their house. Numerous occasions over the two years before they moved away that Mary didn't turn up to things, or cancelled at the last minute...

I've kind of made the decision that I am not going to be putting any energy into gushing over her return. I have a new group of friends who I get on really well with, spend time equally with and actually can be myself around.

Lucy''s comment "You should be aware that mental health issues can impact your relationships, sometimes you think too much about things".

I get that I have known both Lucy and Mary since childhood, but surely it's fine for friendships to change in adulthood.

Or am I just being a massive dick?

No, you're not being a dick at all. It sounds like you have healthy boundaries for yourself. Why would you want to continue to be friends with Mary? It sounds like you have felt very pushed out by her in recent years and she has not treated you well. As you say, you have other people in your life who you really enjoy spending time with, so you have decided to prioritise them instead. Entirely reasonable

'sometimes you think too much about things". '

Hmmmm. To me, this always translates as 'you're making me think too much about things and I don't like it'. What Lucy said to you sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Not good

It's FINE for friendships to change as time goes on. I have recently made the decision to end a friendship of 15 years. It has been far from easy but it absolutely feels like the right thing to do. Trust your gut.

Indeed, trust your gut and be glad you have a lovely circle of friends.

Did she mean your mental health was effecting your decisions re the friendship or that Mary's behaviour was a result of her mental health?