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Original poster

Porn/emotional trauma

21 replies

MummyRiceCake · 04/07/2018 03:50

Posting here for traffic as I don't know from where to start.

Long story short, my husband watches porn. A lot of porn. He knows it hurts me a lot and its triggering for me. He watched every night, seeker for photos of naked women etc when I had a caesarean and could not move. He did after our wedding day. He paid for live cams and spent a lot of our money. I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts and pornography is the main reason. Leaving him behind and taking our DC with me is not possible now.

Does anyone know any sort of group/meeting for partners of porn addicted or something like that? Maybe attending those meetings could be a good start? I don't know how or from where to seek some help.

Please do not judge me and my reasons to say in this relationship. I just need to look after myself. I'm not trying to change him, love him, get intimate with him or save our marriage. I want to get help for myself xx

OP posts:
onceisawabee · 04/07/2018 04:17

I don't really have any advice, but can I ask why porn is so triggering for you?

fuffapster · 04/07/2018 04:26

Try searching for 'pmo' (porn masturbation orgasm) - look into forums on Reddit and the like.

eg: www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/

fuffapster · 04/07/2018 04:30

OK sorry I misread - that would be more for him than you.
Sorry I can't be more help.
This may help: www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/support-group-for-significant-others-of-pmo-addicts.78584/

Shoxfordian · 04/07/2018 05:45

Really the best way to help yourself is to leave him

ferntwist · 04/07/2018 06:04

Just wanted to say I hope you find a way out of the marriage so you can get your peace of mind back. This man would drive anyone to despair.

8FencingWire · 04/07/2018 06:09

Al anon might be able to help you.
But the best thing you can do is to leave his sorry arse in the dust, behind you.

sadiesnakes · 04/07/2018 06:13

Leave, he obviously loves porn more then you if he still chooses it when it's causing you so much emotional trauma. Why on earth would you stay?

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 04/07/2018 06:15
Flowers
henpeckedinchief · 04/07/2018 06:59

I'm so sorry OP.

Even if porn was not something specifically triggering for you, he is clearly addicted. That is far more than 'normal' use. I think it is really him who needs support groups etc rather than you.

Have you spoken to him about it? Does he know that it triggers you and that he has an addiction? Is there any possibility of him seeking help?

I'm so sorry, I don't know of any support groups that will help you. Hopefully another poster will be able to suggest something.

rosesandflowers1 · 04/07/2018 07:12

It sounds like he's addicted to porn. There's probably support groups, counselling etc. for that and I'd be encouraging him to go to one. That's not healthy.

Are you upset because of his addiction, or do you find porn in itself triggering? If it's his addiction that's impacting your mental health, a support group sounds a good idea. If you have a problem with porn in general, maybe you need support more focused on that.

crispysausagerolls · 04/07/2018 08:03

I don't really have any advice, but can I ask why porn is so triggering for you?

Wtf re-read the OP. It’s nothing to do with porn being triggering and everything to do with a serious addiction!

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 04/07/2018 08:20

You aren't upset because it's triggering for you. You're upset because this is utterly, unacceptably, obsessive, creepy and unreasonable behaviour on his part and noone should put up with it.
He may well need help but you deserve much much better.
Why can't you leave?

chipsandgin · 04/07/2018 08:28

^ What MrsPicklesonSmythe said ^.

Honestly - creepy, pathetic, disrespectul, saddo - literally nothing could make me consider spending a moment with a man like that, let alone a lifetime. Disgusting.

If he was torturing puppies or upskirting women or was a rapist or a paedophile would you still say 'it's ok - he is what he is but I just want to get help for myself so I'm alright with it'!? Where exactly is the line over which you wouldn't go?

Seriously, his behaviour is grim and as you are deciding to condone and support it there is no 'help' you can get. Perhaps get counselling your low self esteem and lack of self worth and hope that one day the scales fall from your eyes and you find the strength and will to leave the wanker, literally everyone deserves to be treated better than you are.

Juells · 04/07/2018 08:30

Why not ask advice from WA? There must be a way to leave and get your self-respect and mental equilibrium back. There's no future for you in this relationship, sad to say.

charis · 04/07/2018 08:42

Why do we have this generation of utterly entitled men? I've been here over a decade and you wouldn't get threads about this when I joined. Now it's a really common problem.

I'm so sorry OP, it must be very hard. It would be game over for me. Maybe the Samaritans or Crisis. Someone to talk to?

IgamOgamJones · 04/07/2018 08:46

He hates women, leave him now.

IgamOgamJones · 04/07/2018 08:50

Men who respect women do not watch porn.
Consent cannot be bought, your man is watching women being raped for his pleasure.

Sarahjconnor · 04/07/2018 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MummyRiceCake · 04/07/2018 13:29

Hi all, thanks for helping me with those lovely advices. I am a mess right now and leaving is difficult in terms of practicalities - we just got a mortgage, we have a little child and I'm from abroad so if I leave of course he would object as much as he could, solicitors would get involved etc...

I've been educating myself regarding his sex addiction and even if I leave him, or his addiction disappears I will still be left with a psychological trauma. Unfortunately I cannot afford therapy (I saw a therapist before and I just could not pay him anymore). I am looking for some sort of charity, group meetings...

My DH says he'll seek help and he's been to our GP (but nothing else really). If again, he can get "cured" but it will not help me at all.

I'm so lost, depressed, betrayed. I didn't sleep last night, I'm feeling so down and hysterical. Sad

OP posts:
rosesandflowers1 · 04/07/2018 13:38

My DH says he'll seek help and he's been to our GP (but nothing else really). If again, he can get "cured" but it will not help me at all.

That's good news! - it shows he's taking it seriously and that he's aware it's out of control.

I'd be seeing a GP separately for your own issues. Even if he overcomes his addiction, I doubt it will make all of your problems disappear. However, you can overcome them as hopefully he will Flowers Go and see someone, find ways of managing your depression/anxiety and try and confront the impact his addiction has had on you.

Best wishes to you both in dealing with your respective problems Flowers

IgamOgamJones · 04/07/2018 15:37

Find out if Women's Aid are running a Freedom Programme in your area and get yourself on it.

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