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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be surprised that my girls are fighting...

13 replies

BinkyTheBlinky · 04/07/2018 00:26

...when they are only 3 and 1?! I thought I had years ahead of me before this!

They fight over toys and me. The younger one hits the older one, bites, rages. The older one is a gentle soul who doesn’t retaliate but just wails with unhappiness. I think they love each other (you see glimmers of it sometimes, like when they play in the bath together) but they are chalk and cheese.

The older one has become jealous of the younger one since younger one has started to crawl and stand up, because younger one needs constant monitoring or she WILL die. She’s absolutely wild.

I’m at a loss 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 04/07/2018 00:35

Week what's the consequence of little one hurting older one?
How does older ones jealousy manifest?

Pebblespony · 04/07/2018 00:36

My friend has the exact same thing with her two boys. Same age gap. Younger one is practically beating up the older one who just runs to her.

Original poster

BinkyTheBlinky · 04/07/2018 00:39

I remove her and say “no” firmly (which in all honestly is more for DD1s benefit) but she’s one! As in just turned one. What else can I do? She doesn’t understand.

The older one just seems insecure all of a sudden. Waking at night for hours, clingy, gets upset if I have DD2 on my knee. I do try very hard to make time for both of them and at the weekend when DH is around I often take DD1 out alone to get some time with her but during the week it’s survival mode.

OP posts:

BlueBug45 · 04/07/2018 00:42

Sorry your post made me laugh.

I've seen some of my nephews' and nieces' when they were one beat up their older sibling.

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 04/07/2018 00:44

T h I meant Moore for older ones benefit but also because when she's old enough to understand you'll already be correcting her. At least how you're doing it older ones knows it's not ok for her to be hurt.

Can your plonk madam in a play pen if she gets too physical whilst you've got older one?

Original poster

BinkyTheBlinky · 04/07/2018 00:47

Actually I say she doesnt understand. There is a small part of me that thinks she understands just fine 😕

OP posts:

Original poster

BinkyTheBlinky · 04/07/2018 00:48

I tried a playpen but it was a disaster. She went off her head. This is not a child who will sit quietly with a toy for 15 mins. She is entertained for about a minute then it’s on to the next thing.

Also. She doesn’t nap longer than 30 mins at a time in the house.

OP posts:

Tomatoesrock · 04/07/2018 00:51

They do start young, mine are always bickering but there isn't a more dominant one.

With my siblings I was the 2nd youngest and DSIS 2 years younger, she was a raging force, we love each other so much now but she definitely hindered me, I was quiet anyway but her petty violence and dominance made me quieter, even now she is much better off financially, shes luckier by far, she is pretty ruthless to get what she wants, and still now can be cutting in her words.

Encourage kindness between them, do not let the younger one bully the older one, even at 1 it is not to early to give consequences. It is easy to try keep the peace but it won't work in the long run.

Goodluck I hope it works out.

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 04/07/2018 00:51

She'll understand a little, but at least older is getting the message that shrew doesn't have to tolerate it but also can't retaliate.

Is older one in nursery yet?

Largely I think it's a care of separate them when they start so the one playing up gets moved away, and ride it out

Original poster

BinkyTheBlinky · 04/07/2018 00:55

They are both in nursery three days per week while I’m at work and LOVE it. They don’t see each other much at nursery because they are in different rooms but when they do I’m told that they are pleased to see each other and will voluntarily play together nicely.

OP posts:

agnurse · 04/07/2018 03:39

DD2 is a toddler, which means she doesn't understand about sharing yet. That's normal at this stage. Sadly the fighting does tend to start young, but as the girls get older it will likely get better.

DinosApple · 04/07/2018 05:59

Mine are 18 months apart and now 7&8. 'Ahhhh' they said. 'So close! They'll be the best of friends' they said...

Having once, a very long time ago, been a child I know this is bullshit. It is entirely down to personalities. And my children are similar to DH & BIL and me and DBro.

As soon as the littlest could talk they were arguing. The squabbling drives me crackers. Don't get me wrong, they do play together nicely sometimes and can on occasions be thick as thieves. It usually means they are up to something!

Hope in the long term is there though, DH & me now get on extremely well with our siblings now we don't have to live under the same roof.

Original poster

BinkyTheBlinky · 04/07/2018 07:50

I hope it gets better. It gets me down.

OP posts:

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